Are you dating a married woman? You need to tread very carefully and cautiously think about the future of this relationship.
Before we begin, we should start by telling you that we think this is a bad idea – dating a married woman, that is. Why? Because she’s married. To someone else. She’s cheating on her husband, so why do you think she wouldn’t do the same to you?
You may be in love with a married woman. She may tell you that she’s going to leave her husband, but she probably won’t. We know you think she’s different, but she’s not. [Read: In love with a married woman? How to know if it’s time to end it]
You may like dating married women because they’re already committed. Whatever the reason, you’re dating a married woman, so at least learn the rules you should follow beforehand. We might not agree with it, but we want the best for you, too. [Read: The big debate around cheating and confessing]
Why do you want to date a married woman?
Before we start talking about the how-tos and all that jazz, ask yourself why you want to date a woman who is married to another man.
Is it because you really love her, or is it the excitement?
Remember that she goes home to her husband when she leaves you. How does that make you feel? You might block it out and try not to think about it. Maybe she tells you that when she’s with him, she just thinks about you.
Whatever your reasons for dating this woman, know that there are consequences. It’s very rare that these types of relationships end without someone getting hurt or the partner finding out. Can you handle the guilt?
What if she decides to go back to him or stay with him? The stakes are high, so make sure you know what you’re doing. [Read: Men women want to date vs. men women want to marry]
Rules for dating a married woman
When you’re dating a married woman, there are some things you have to know that only apply to dating married people.
Are you going to be able to post your relationship on social media? That would be a big no. These small things are important to keep in mind because your relationship will most likely be kept secret.
If you just started or are thinking about dating a married woman, it’s time that you know the rules so you can make sure that you don’t break them. If you break some of these rules, you might tangle yourself in a web of drama. [Read: Married but in love with someone else? Here’s what you need to do]
1. Remember that she’s married
You need to get this into your head and keep it there. She’s not going to leave her husband or her stable life for you. If you’re starting to feel something for her and think that this relationship has a chance, stop. The only thing that’s going to break is your heart. [Read: Understanding your boundaries in dating]
In the rare event that she does leave her husband, can your relationship even blossom, considering that it was built on a web of lies?
2. Stay away from her house
Stay far away from her house. Don’t go inside. If her husband happens to come home while you’re there, you’re gonna be in big trouble.
It’s clear that you don’t respect her marriage, and entering her home is just another level of disrespect. Take her to your place, a hotel, or the back of your car, but steer clear of the family home. [Read: The guide to help you respect women]
3. Your lips need to be sealed
She’s not going to be telling anyone about this, which means that you need to keep your mouth shut. One of the biggest rules for dating a married woman is that you can’t tell anyone about the relationship.
If someone finds out, they could accidentally spread it and create a rumor that you’re going to have to deal with. Keep your relationship on the down-low, and don’t tell anyone what you’re doing.
4. No social media postings, even if they’re cryptic
You can’t post any photos or posts about her. Don’t post on social media when you’re with her or make any hints that you’re with a mysterious woman. This relationship has to be treated as though it’s non-existent.
Put your phone away when you’re with her because you don’t need it. Being in love with a married woman doesn’t allow you to shout it from the rooftops. [Read: Understanding the good, bad, and ugly with social media and relationships]
5. Set clear boundaries
You need to sit down right at the beginning of your relationship and set the ground rules. If you don’t, you leave an opportunity for things to become misinterpreted and messy.
For example, one boundary could be that you don’t sleep over at each other’s places. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 15 rules for healthy love]
6. Stick to your daily routine
If you suddenly change your routine the moment you start dating a married woman, people are going to notice. Instead, keep to your regular routine. Your routine defines you, so stay close to it.
Keep everything as normal as possible, such as the time at which you go to the gym or the time you get off work. This also gives you some semblance of normality when your love life is clearly anything but.
7. Don’t accept gifts from her
If you’re a sugar baby, it’s different. If she’s paying for everything, you may want to equalize that. You don’t want to feel like you owe her anything. You’re sleeping with her, and that’s it.
There can be nothing more than that [Read: The sugar momma guide and how to bag yourself a wealthy older lady]
8. Switch up the hotels you go to
If you’re going to have sex, it’s not going to be at her place. If you decide to go to a hotel, make sure that you switch them up. You don’t want the staff to start recognizing you.
If someone comes asking questions about you, you don’t want them to say anything.
9. Pay in cash
Unless you want to make a “the time I had an affair with a married woman” scrapbook, don’t pay with credit. If possible, stick to paying with cash so that you can’t have people pointing fingers at you. Credit cards leave a trace. Keep that vital rule in mind. [Read: The surprising reasons behind why women cheat]
10. Don’t buy her gifts
Again, you’re not with her. She has a husband at home. If he sees that she’s wearing a new necklace or sexy underwear, he’s going to start asking questions. Don’t buy her personal things that are going to remind her of you.
This isn’t a regular relationship, remember? You risk blurring the lines and getting into serious trouble by thinking that you can shower her with affection via gifts.
11. Trust that she’s being careful
You don’t actually know what she’s doing when you part ways. Does she shower after you’ve been together? Does she delete your messages? You need to know these things because you’re also in this relationship. [Read: How to stop cheating for good]
12. Don’t befriend her husband
You’re already being disrespectful towards someone’s marriage. Don’t take it further by befriending her husband. That will only lead to a disaster and hurt him even more than not knowing who his wife is sleeping with.
13. How will you communicate?
You just can’t call her whenever you’d like. Figure this out before you make a misstep. If you want to keep this relationship a secret, you need to make sure you choose a secure form of communication.
No emails. No home phone calls. No texts. [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]
14. Leave if she starts catching feelings
You may like the fact that she’s falling for you, but this is about to get very messy. She’s cheating on her husband with you. You don’t think she’ll do the same to you?
She’s not even emotionally over her husband. Whether you want to believe it or not, you’re going to be a rebound. [Read: Right person, wrong time? The key to timing it all right]
15. If your feelings become serious – end it
If you notice yourself starting to develop feelings, it’s time to cut it. The only person who’s going to hurt is you. If you think you’re already in love with a married woman, it’s time to seriously question your actions.
She’s not going to leave her cushy life, or it would have been done already. Even if she does, it probably won’t be the fairytale you think it will be. Protect yourself at all times.
16. Safe sex – always
When dating a married woman, a surprise pregnancy is not something you need. Neither is a surprise STI, so make sure that you’re both clean beforehand. Always practice safe sex with no slip-ups! Remember, there’s another person involved in all of this. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it’s possible to]
How to end the relationship with a married woman if it’s not what you want
You’ve decided that it’s time to move on. If that’s the case, we couldn’t agree more.
The person who’s really going to hurt is you. She has her life to go back to, but you’ll be the one who gets hit the hardest. If you’re thinking about calling it quits, here are some things you should do.
1. Focus on her actions, not her words
She’s told you that she wants to leave her husband, but has she left him yet? You can’t hang around based on her words. Taking action is one thing, but if she’s just telling you what you want to hear, that’s not fair.
Once you see her behavior, you have a base to work off of. [Read: Are you suffering from the White Knight syndrome?]
2. Talk to her about it
She’s been sleeping with you while in a committed relationship with her husband, so it’s clear that something is going on in her marriage. That doesn’t mean she’s willing to end things so that she can be with you.
Have a conversation with her, and see what she wants. It’s time to sit down and talk about the future. Is she looking for something serious and long-term with you, or does she just need a bit of fun to compensate for her boring marriage?
3. You don’t really know your partner
Of course, you think you know her. When she goes home, she has a completely different life that you’re not a part of. Maybe she has children, for example, which is pretty significant. You’re not involved with that part of her life.
Keep this in mind when thinking about your future. You’re only seeing one side of her. [Read: Feeling trapped? Should you stay or break free?]
4. Think about yourself
When in a sticky situation, we push our needs aside and focus on what we want at the moment. Yes, you spend time together, but you’re not given her full attention.
Remember that you’re worthy of attention, honesty, and genuine love. As of now, you’re a secret. Unless she makes a move, that’s all you’ll ever be. You need to love yourself enough to acknowledge that you deserve more than she gives you.
5. Break up in person
We’re all about texting these days, but when it comes to relationships, breakups should be done in person. If you’re going to end the relationship, meet with her in person and talk about how you feel.
You need closure, and so does she. If you lack closure, there’s a chance the relationship will open up again in the future. [Read: Breaking up with someone you love – 20 right reasons to walk away]
6. Don’t fall for her lines
When emotional and desperate, we say things and make promises we cannot fulfill. When you break up with her, she might say that she’s going home to end the marriage immediately but don’t fall for that.
She’s welcome to do that, but don’t wait for her to make that move. During a breakup, both men and women will say things they don’t necessarily mean in hopes of keeping things the way they are. [Read: Here’s the guide for how to leave someone you love]
7. Be very straightforward
If you really want to move on with your life, be straightforward. Don’t say any lines like, “maybe one day, we’ll reconnect.” That isn’t closing the door. It’s leaving it cracked open. You don’t deserve that, and neither does she.
Be clear that you must end the relationship. It’s finished. Being in love with a married woman is never free of pain or drama.
8. Don’t contact her
After the breakup, it will be hard to cope. It’s heartbreaking and tragic, but don’t contact her. If you decide to move on, stick to your word and move on. You’ll be tempted to contact her, but you can’t. [Read: Reasons why the no contact rule always works]
9. Don’t accept her calls and messages
If she’s unhappy with her marriage and life in general, she’ll feel desperate after the breakup. She’ll try to get your attention in any way she can and contact you in hopes of things working out. Don’t slip into the trap. Remove her number from your phone, block her calls and messages, and move on with your life.
10. Remove her and her friends from your phone/social media
You may have her and her friends on social media. Make the move and delete all of them from your phone and social media. If you don’t, it’s just an opening for her to reach out to you. If you really want to move on, you must take tough actions. [Read: How to feel better after a breakup and find your happiness again]
11. Give yourself time to move on
You won’t fall in love with someone new the day after the breakup. If anything, it’s going to be a rough period for you. Breakups really suck, especially when the love is still there. But she’s married, and this isn’t something that you should accept.
You want a full and wholesome relationship, which is something she can’t provide. Give yourself time to move on and process the emotions. [Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup – 3 months and more timelines]
12. Don’t suppress your emotions
If you have to cry, then cry. You’re allowed to feel grief and pain. After all, it is a loss. The ending of a relationship is not something you can just ignore. If you allow yourself to experience your sadness, it will give your mind and body an instant release.
If you don’t let your emotions out, it will be more difficult for you to move on. Recognize your feelings and work through them. Don’t bottle them up.
13. Identify your triggers
If you can, try to identify your triggers and what makes you upset. Eventually, you’ll see the patterns of things that make you emotional. When you figure that out, make an effort to avoid those triggers. [Read: Mutual breakups – why they happen and how to recognize the signs]
For example, maybe you always met at a certain park or had drinks at a secluded bar so that no one would see you. Avoid those places. Put the pictures away, and don’t look at them.
14. Accept that it’s over
When you break up with someone, it can make you feel powerless. You just have to accept the fact that it’s over, and you can’t do anything to change it. It’s impossible to make her leave her husband to be with you.
All you can do now is figure out how to be happy again. The more you fight the fact that the relationship is over, the worse you’ll feel. Don’t resist the breakup. If you can accept the circumstances, you will feel more empowered to go out and try to find love again. [Read: 16 lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]
15. Forgive
You might have a lot of resentment toward her because she wouldn’t leave her husband for you. While that’s understandable, you have to see her point of view, too. It’s not easy to end a marriage, especially if children are involved.
You might be angry with yourself for ever getting involved with a married woman in the first place. You knew it wasn’t ethical or moral, but you did it anyway against your better judgment. It’s not the best thing to do, but it’s in the past. Just forgive yourself and vow to never do it again.
16. Let go of your anger and stop blaming her
It’s easy to be angry with the married woman for not committing to you when you are in love. You might even think that she was cruel to start things up with you and that she should have just let you live your life. [Read: How to stop being angry – free your mind and stop hurting yourself]
You need to let this go and stop blaming her. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. You were just as willing of a participant in this affair as she was. When you keep blaming her, it makes you feel powerless. Holding on to resentment doesn’t help you. It just hurts.
17. Stay busy
When you go through a breakup, many people just want to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. They might turn to alcohol or a lot of ice cream to get through it, but staying at home and drowning their sorrows like that won’t help.
Instead, stay busy. Call up your friends and go out on the town. Go visit your family. You could take up a new hobby and learn something new. You could try a new group and find like-minded people to hang out with. The point is to stay busy so that you don’t have time to obsess over her. [Read: Ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]
18. Start dating again
You might not want to get back out there and find someone else because you were in love, but you really have no choice unless you want to stay single forever. When it feels right, you should start dating again. Maybe date a single woman this time.
Get on some dating apps and write a great profile. Take good pictures that will attract the right woman. After a while, you will find Ms. Right and forget all about Ms. Married Lady. [Read: Understanding your boundaries in dating]
You can’t choose whom you fall in love with
Do you believe that you can’t choose whom you fall in love with? Perhaps that’s true, but you can choose your actions. If you fall in love with a woman who is married, you don’t have to stick around and see how it plays out. You can just leave.
Sure, it will hurt. You’ll probably wallow for a while and wonder if you’ll ever meet anyone like her again, but at least you’ll be able to sleep at night.
Guilt has a habit of eating you alive if you allow it to do so. You might think that you’re not cheating, but you’re a part of it. You’re just as guilty and just as much to blame.
Don’t make excuses by telling yourself that you didn’t choose this. You might not have chosen the attraction, but you chose to act upon it.
[Read: The right reasons to break up with someone you love]
If you’re choosing to date a married woman, think carefully about whether to carry on. If you’ve made up your mind, follow these rules for dating a married woman so that you don’t mess your life up.
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