Your girlfriend is acting weird and you’re wondering if she’s not over her ex yet. Here are the signs that she’s not moved on yet, and what you should do.
Do you ever wonder if your girlfriend’s not over her ex? It’s possible she does a few things that make you think that way.
Perhaps you catch her staring at an old picture of her ex when she thinks you aren’t looking, or she talks about him every so often when there’s no need to.
It’s not always easy to decipher the thoughts that run through a girl’s mind. But, if she’s not over her ex, it might be more obvious than you think.
Girls can be pretty secretive, especially when it comes to exes and residual feelings of love. But if you ever get a nagging thought at the back of your mind, and wonder if she’s still harboring feelings for her ex, the chances are, you’re probably right!
[Read: How to confront and get your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend to back off from your girl]
Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex?
Depending on how long you’ve been together, you might wonder whether it’s normal for you or your girlfriend to still have lingering feelings for someone in your past. Is it normal, or does it mean something else?
Well, it really depends. You shouldn’t be in love with them, that’s for sure. You also shouldn’t miss them or wish they were still around. However, for an ex to pass through your mind fleetingly occasionally, that’s something that everyone experiences.
The problem is when you think that your girlfriend is holding on to the past relationship and wishing that things were different. When that situation is in play, how can your relationship ever flourish?
She’s basically wishing you were someone else and that she was still in her past union!
It’s not easy to work out whether she’s over her ex, but know that the odd name drop isn’t going to be the biggest of problems. It might grate on your nerves but it doesn’t mean she’s still dreaming of them.
However, if you catch her mind wandering off and she’s staring into space at the mere mention of their name, that’s when you need to start worrying. [Read: 49 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex and forget them for good]
Should you put up with it?
If your girlfriend’s only recently broken up with her boyfriend, it’s pretty obvious she’s still going to miss him or think of him now and then. But there’s a very fine line between missing an ex on memory lane and pining over him. [Read: Rebound relationship – 43 signs, rules, and how to have fun in one]
If you believe your girlfriend is still smitten by her ex or is having second thoughts about getting back with him, talk about it with her. You don’t need to ask her if she still misses her ex *that would just make things weird*. And even if you do ask her something like that straight out, she’d deny it outright.
Instead, communicate with her. Tell her that you believe she’s been distant for a while, and ask her if there’s something you could do to help her.
Explain that her behavior is not helping the relationship, and it’s not helping you trust her blindly because you’re confused by her recent indifference. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]
But on a personal note, if your girlfriend is stuck in a shoddy love triangle inside her head, it’s not going to end well, at least for you!
The subtle signs your girlfriend’s not over her ex yet
If the thought of your girlfriend wanting her ex nags you, use these signs she’s not over her ex to decipher her thoughts. It’ll definitely help you understand her mind better.
1. She’s distant and confused
If your girlfriend gets distant and aloof now and then, that’s normal. We all have problems in our lives that make us distant occasionally.
However, if you ask her what’s wrong and she tells you it’s nothing, or tells you that it’s something she has to deal with herself, question why. [Read: How to recognize an emotionally distant partner and deal with them
If at some point around the time you have this conversation where she tells you she’s confused, or she talks about her ex highlighting something positive about him, that’s a red flag.
2. She seems excited when she sees her ex
Your girlfriend gets excited and jumpy as soon as she accidentally meets her ex or bumps into him. She can’t stop talking about him even after he says goodbye and walks away. And if you sneakily stare at her from the corner of your eye, you may even see her smiling to herself.
And if you weren’t around her when she bumps into her ex, and she tells you about it over the phone, you may notice that she’s more excited and alive than she normally is. [Read: Fickle friends – 23 signs, must-dos, and ways to know if they’re hurting you]
3. She starts going down memory lane
Your girlfriend talks about her ex-boyfriend’s memories like they’re still fresh in her head. She remembers him fondly and speaks of him as if he was her best friend. “That guy, gosh, he was such a dick, he would make me laugh so much!!”
Somehow, your girlfriend calling her ex a dick doesn’t feel so reassuring right now, does it? Especially when she grins and loses herself in a reverie after saying something mean *in a nice way* about him? [Read: Old love letters and memories – keep or throw them?]
4. She’s big on comparisons
Does your girlfriend ever compare you to her ex-boyfriend and show you in a negative light? Of course, she may do this only when she’s pissed off with you.
But yet, if your girlfriend compares you to her ex for the silliest reasons, or when you’re late or forget to do something, it only means she’s mentally evaluating who’s the better boyfriend material.
But seriously, if she has no thoughts of ever dumping you and getting back with her ex, why the comparisons in the first place, right?! [Read: 34 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early on]
5. She’s regularly in touch with him
Exes stay exes for a reason. Exes never make good friends. Of course, it is definitely possible for exes to stay friends, but it’s not likely.
If your girlfriend is still friends with her ex and stays connected to him in a more than just-an-old acquaintance kind of way, you have grounds to worry.
And you’re definitely allowed to go into panic mode if she texts him often or likes his social media posts and drops a comment every now and then. [Read: Can exes ever turn into friends after a breakup?]
6. She still remembers the small details and events
When a relationship breaks down and the ex-lovers go their separate ways, one of the first things they need to do is erase their love slates clean.
But if your girlfriend still remembers their song and hums nostalgically, or points out every single place she and her ex used to hang out, it only means she’s still hanging on to the thoughts of her ex and keeping them alive.
For what? Well, you know…
7. She gets irritated when she hears about his dating life
Your girlfriend’s supposedly in a relationship with you, and supposedly, she’s happy with you. But does she get irritated or annoyed when she hears that her ex is dating some other girl?
She may not tell it to your face, but if you read her expressions, she may seem distracted or angry. Or, she may get unnaturally quiet all of a sudden. [Read: Why it’s normal to feel strange when your ex dates someone new]
8. You feel like the rebound guy
Your girlfriend may be using you as a rebound guy. This could be either to get over her ex or to make him jealous. It is something that happens frequently when two good friends start dating each other.
You’ve been in love with her for several years, watched her go from one guy’s arms to another, and never had the guts to ask her out. And finally, she realizes you’re such a sweet guy and starts dating you *probably because no one else asked her out in time*!
And now she’s bored of you already because you behave more like a friend than a boyfriend. [Read: Nice guys finish last – the real reason why girls dislike a fake good guy]
9. She seems to love talking about her ex
She may not talk about her ex with you all the time. But, when she meets her old friends *who her ex-boyfriend is still friends with*, does she ask about her ex within the first 15 minutes of meeting them?
If she constantly asks about her ex and what he’s been up to, or if her eyes light up and she talks excitedly about him with her friends, sorry, but she still has the hots for him!
10. She intentionally bumps into him
And you know it! Has your girlfriend ever asked you to take her to a particular place even though you have other plans, and then accidentally bumped into her ex?
If your girlfriend gets really excited to go to a reunion, or if she insists that you don’t tag along with her even when you know she’ll bump into her ex, it may be a sign that she’s still not over him.
She wants to catch up with him. Without you. [Read: Bumped into your ex? 19 super-cool ways to show them YDGAF]
11. She wants to be his friend
Your girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend have broken up, and they’ve moved on too. And now, all of a sudden, she confesses to you that she wants to be friends with her ex because she’s finally over him and doesn’t think of him in that way anymore.
If that was really the case, why would she want to be close to him in a so-called friendship way? Could it be that she’s keeping tabs on him for another reason? [Read: No contact rule – what it is, how to use it, and why it works so well]
12. She says she loves you, but she thinks of him
Your girlfriend tells you she loves you, but she also mentions that she thinks of her ex now and then. If your girlfriend ever says this to you, that’s probably because you’re being a doormat and letting her walk all over you.
You’re probably a really nice guy, but the fact that she can tell you something like this just shows how easy she’s taking this relationship with you.
13. He tries to get in touch with her and she’s secretly thrilled
And *not so* surprisingly, she doesn’t want to be rude to him and avoid him!
Instead, she pretends like she’s a cute, helpless thing who can’t break her ex’s heart and stays in touch with him.
The bottom line is that she’s thrilled he’s reached out to her and she’s got an army of butterflies fluttering around inside her chest. [Read: 25 signs your ex wants you back and just can’t stop thinking about you]
14. She’s moody whenever he’s mentioned or seen
Your girlfriend becomes distant from you each time she meets her ex. She smiles to herself or wants her space.
Think about it, an ex-boyfriend who’s still single… And a girlfriend who gets moody and distant each time her ex calls? Something smells fishy, don’t you think?
15. Her thoughts tend to be somewhere else during sex
Sex is the most intimate experience two people can share. And yet, you feel like you’re having sex with a blank wall.
When you try to bring it up to her, she denies it. And yet, you know that she’s not all there in your private moments. Maybe her thoughts are drifting to someone else.
16. She professes her love for you constantly
This may seem sweet, but actually, it might be a sign that she’s feeling guilty. Guilty about having feelings for her ex. [Read: Guilty conscience – what it is and 21 emotional signs of guilt people feel]
17. She browses her ex’s social media accounts frequently
She might tell you that she just wants to make sure that he’s okay following the breakup, but that’s not true. Really, she’s checking up on him to make sure that he’s not moved on yet.
18. She stays in touch with her ex’s family
No matter how long you were with your ex or how close you got to their family, there is no excuse to stay in touch with your ex’s family after a breakup.
If she’s staying in touch with them, then she’s going to be in touch with her ex, no matter what she says.
19. She wants to take you to the same places she went to with her ex
That’s because she doesn’t want to let go of her ex-relationship. It’s almost like she’s trying to relive that past relationship with someone new. It’s a shame that you’re the one who’s getting caught in her wishful reimagination.
20. She refuses to talk about her ex
You catch her looking through her ex’s social media, meeting up with his family, and she bumps into him frequently. And yet, despite him being so involved in her life, she just doesn’t want to talk about him.
That’s because she still has feelings for him. Whatever those feelings are, anger or love, they’re stopping her from talking about him.
21. She always compliments her ex in conversation
If it makes you feel weird when your girlfriend compliments her ex whenever she has the chance to, that’s completely valid.
She should be focusing on complimenting you, her boyfriend, not some jerk from her past! If she is complimenting her ex, it could be because she still has feelings for him.
22. Her friends are surprised she’s dating
That’s because only a couple of weeks ago they were consoling her over her last relationship!
And yet here she is, introducing her new boyfriend to the group. If they’re surprised that she’s already dating, that’s a sign that maybe she’s forcing herself to move on too quickly.
23. It’s been months and you still haven’t met her family
And whenever the subject comes up, she thinks of any excuse under the sun. “My parents are out of town,” I’m just too busy,” “I just don’t think we’re ready for that yet.”
After a while, her excuses will be as see-through as a window—she just doesn’t want you to meet her family because you’re a rebound. [Read: 18 signs it’s time and ways to prepare your partner to meet the parents]
24. She still feels anger toward her ex
Anger might seem like a good emotion to have for an ex. After all, it’s better than love, right? But really, holding anger for someone really means that you care about them.
It’s because you love and care for someone that when they do something hurtful or mean to you, it angers you. [Read: I hate my ex – 21 reasons why it’s okay and steps to handle the rage positively]
Your girlfriend holding on to anger for her ex means that she still has a lot of feelings for him.
25. She doesn’t bring you around the mutual friends she shares with her ex
The mutual friend group she shares with her ex is still routing for her and her ex to get back together, so she doesn’t want you to meet them.
And if they’re really mean people, then they might be making jokes at your expense because they’re convinced that she and her ex are meant to be together.
If she is still in love with her ex, then it’s good that you don’t meet their friends. That would be the most awkward interaction in your life! [Read: Obvious and subtle signs your girlfriend’s friends don’t like you]
26. She won’t create or enforce boundaries with her ex
She says that she’s going to stop handing out favors left, right, and center for him, but she never follows through. Maybe she has a problem with establishing boundaries.
Or, maybe she hasn’t let go yet. So, whenever her ex asks her for something, she’s more than happy to oblige. After all, it gives her an excuse to be near him again.
27. She tries to establish traditions with you that she started with her ex
If she does take you to all the places that she used to go to with her ex, and she also tries to establish traditions that she started in her old relationship, then she is seriously trying to relive her ex-relationship with you.
It’s another way to pretend like she’s still living in the past, even if with someone new. But you deserve to be with someone who makes new traditions with you.
28. She still has romantic pictures together on social media
She may tell you that she doesn’t care about social media, but she should care about deleting old posts. Keeping up photos of her with her ex tells the world that they’re not really over.
So, if she tells you that she’s serious about you, then she should tell the world that she’s got a new man and her old man is left in the dust.
If she refuses, even because she thinks it’s “not a big deal,” then she might be holding out hope that she can work things out with her ex. [Read: Social media and relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly]
29. She checks her notifications obsessively
If this is the only sign you’re seeing in your girlfriend, then you shouldn’t have to worry. Someone could be checking their notifications for any reason. Maybe her family is going through some drama, or she’s waiting to hear back about a new job opportunity.
However, if it seems like her ex is still very present in her life and she never lets her phone leave her side, then maybe they’re texting behind your back as well.
30. She defends her ex whenever she can
“He wasn’t such a bad guy,” “I was as responsible for our relationship ending as he was,” “You know, despite everything that happened, he’s still a really great person.”
Spoken like a person who still isn’t over their ex.
31. She drunk texts him
Some people say that drunk texts are a sober person’s thoughts. While that might not be true, it’s still hurtful when your partner chooses to talk to their ex over you.
You should be occupying her thoughts! But if she has time to think about her ex while she’s drunk, she might be thinking about him more than you think. [Read: Drunk texts – why we do it and 18 tricks to avoid drunk texting someone]
32. Her ex’s name slips out during sex
Pair this with her being emotionally distant during sex, and it’s not looking good for you. She might be thinking about him during sex because she’s not over him.
33. Her house is filled with mementos of her ex-relationship
One of the pivotal stages of a breakup is the boxing stage: when you box away everything that reminds you of your ex and store it away until the pain of the heartbreak eases and you move on.
If her house is still decorated with pictures, valentines day presents, and vacation souvenirs, it means that she still hasn’t even reached this stage of the move-on process. She’s still heavily in love with her ex, and she’s just using you. [Read: 43 must-knows to deal with a breakup and move on from your ex-relationship]
34. She prioritizes her ex
She’s in a relationship with you now! That means that you should be number one in her books. And yet, if you feel like she’s pushing you aside so that she can prioritize her ex, it’s because she can’t let him go yet.
She’s prioritizing him and keeping him close by in case there’s a chance that they could get back together. That’s not fair to you.
35. She acts like a totally different person around him
Around you, she’s cool, laid back, and chill. She doesn’t overreact and she makes light of everything. But then she bumps into her ex, and suddenly she’s all giggles, she’s jumping around like an excited girl, and even her voice raises a pitch or two!
She seems more excited than ever when he’s around, and that’s because he’s the only one she really cares about. If this is the case, then she’s only keeping you around to rebound over him.
36. He calls her with big news
This is especially worrying. Every point on this list could be a sign that your girlfriend isn’t over her ex, but this one suggests that maybe her ex isn’t over her yet!
He’s still calling to tell her about good news because he still feels like she’s an important part of his life. The two of them need to move on, and they shouldn’t involve you in their post-breakup mess. [Read: 34 subtle signs your ex wants you back and misses you but won’t admit it]
37. You just know
Your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong for a reason. Listen to it.
What should you do when she’s not over her ex?
Well, you’ve made it this far in the feature, so you feel like something is going on between her and her ex. If so, then you’re probably feeling incredibly confused about what you should do next.
Unfortunately, there’s not a lot that you can do. But, here’s what you should try:
1. Talk to her about the signs she’s not over her ex
Before you do anything else, you should confront your girlfriend. Tell her what you’ve been noticing about her behavior and give her the opportunity to explain herself.
There could be perfectly reasonable explanations for her behavior *although that’s not likely*, so you should give her the benefit of the doubt and hear her out.
If her explanations don’t settle that feeling in your gut, then you have to think about what to do next. [Read: 18 signs and why something feels off in your relationship and doesn’t feel right]
2. Focus on your relationship
You could drive yourself crazy obsessing over her ex. “Is she with him right now?” “What does he have that I don’t?” “Is she still in love with him?”
But if you keep thinking about what role he has in her life, you’re inadvertently giving him a role in your relationship. If you banish him from the relationship, then you might find both you and your girlfriend moving forward with the relationship. [Read: The right priority in your relationship – how to find and focus on it]
If that doesn’t work, then you have to consider the alternative…
Is it time to break up with your girlfriend?
There’s a threshold up to which you can bear her antics and her sickeningly fond reminders of her ex. And this threshold is different for each guy.
If your girlfriend pines about her ex often, or gives you any reason to doubt her, talk to her about it.
Tell her calmly that her close bond with her ex-boyfriend is pushing both of you apart. And if she really wants the relationship to work out with you, she needs to get her priorities straight. [Read: 25 truthful reasons why girls cheat on their boyfriends]
After all, an ex-lover is called that for a reason – because it’s the past. But if she still chooses to stay “friends” with her ex, it’s pretty obvious that she’s choosing him over you.
[Read: 15 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere!]
Use these signs your girlfriend is not over her ex to decipher the thoughts in her mind. And once you do figure out if she’s still in love with her ex, talk to her. And the conclusion to that conversation will decide the future of your relationship.
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