Going No Contact With An Ex

Going no contact with an ex is one of the most important things a dumpee can do. Not only does no contact let the dumper process the separation and enjoy his or her post-breakup life, but it also exudes strength and resilience.

It shows that the dumpee is capable of walking away from a person who doesn’t want him or her romantically.

On the other hand, not going no contact with an ex is a sign of obsession and attachment. It proves that the dumpee is willing to settle for friendship and that the dumpee is desperately trying to hold on to hope and get back together.

By refusing to go no contact, the dumpee hands his or her personal power over to the dumper and becomes emotionally dependent on the dumper. That significantly reduces his or her worth in the dumper’s eyes and makes the dumper even less attracted and eager to stay in touch.

So if you’re going to go no contact with an ex, try to start no contact as quickly as you can. Don’t show your ex you’re hung up on him or her by constantly trying to present yourself as an attractive individual. Your ex won’t see you the way you want him or her to see you.

As long as you’re asking for attention, your ex will feel smothered and unhappy—and feel tempted to worsen his/her opinion of you and push you away by force. Your ex won’t just feel tempted to do that. Your ex probably will do it because your ex will get overwhelmed by your presence, behavior, or expectations.

You can avoid getting pushed away or friend-zoned by taking the initiative with your ex. You can go no contact with your ex and avoid tons of post-breakup nuisances such as:

I’m not saying that no contact will magically fix or avoid all problems, but it will put you in a position of not knowing anything about your ex and help you avoid unnecessary setbacks. It will make sure that you stay away from an ex who can crush your spirit and keep you stuck in the past.

So whatever you do, don’t hesitate to go no contact with your ex. Don’t convince yourself that your chances of reattracting your ex will be higher if you stay in touch and show your ex what he or she is missing out on. That’s just not true.

Dumpers don’t appreciate exes who chase them and refuse to accept the breakup. They think poorly of such exes as such exes throw themselves at their dumpers’ feet and embarrass themselves.

The only people they respect are those who respect themselves. And respect is the foundation on which curiosity, nostalgia, and ultimately, love can grow. If you don’t respect yourself (don’t go no contact), your ex will see you’re going to stick around despite him or her not wanting you anymore.

That will send the message that your love for your ex is bigger than your love for yourself and that you’re not ready to be in a balanced give-and-take relationship.

That’s why going no contact is essential. It’s as necessary for your recuperation as it is for giving your ex space and making your ex happy. I know you don’t want your absence to make your ex happy (you want your closeness to do that), but since your ex lost feelings, you don’t really have a choice.

Failure to give your ex what he/she needs (space and independence) will only make things worse as your ex will feel disrespected and unheard. When your ex feels that way, you can be certain that your ex will associate even more unhealthy thoughts and feelings with you and lose more respect for you.

In turn, you’ll feel that your ex has become more distant and that you might have made the reconciliation a lot more difficult.

As a dumpee, you should lose only as much hope as you’re capable of losing. You shouldn’t say or do things that make you feel hopeless and leave you shocked. Detachment should happen gradually by embracing the stages of grief and going through them at the pace that is natural to you.

The more natural the detachment is, the less you’ll suffer and the more you’ll learn and improve from the whole ordeal.

In today’s article, we discuss why going no contact with an ex is crucial for your well-being and how you can start no contact successfully.

Why is going no contact with an ex so important?

Believe it or not, many dumpees reject no contact. They think of it as a manipulation technique and believe that they should be “honest” with their ex. They think they should tell their ex how they feel and what they’re prepared to do to make the relationship work.

Needless to say, such dumpees fail to get their ex back. Instead of impressing their ex with their “unconditional loyalty,” they push their ex into a corner and force their ex to respond emotionally. An emotional response entails telling or showing the dumpee they don’t want to communicate and get back together.

They just want to be left alone and focus on enjoying their freedom.

Dumpers don’t handle pressure very well. The reason they leave is to avoid feeling pressured and responsible for helping their ex. That’s why they lose their cool when their ex asks them for time and affection and reveals his or her romantic expectations.

Dumpers already feel extremely guilty and uncomfortable. They can’t and don’t want to see their ex in pain, struggling to accept the breakup. If they do see that their ex is in denial, they feel bad and overwhelmed.

Soon, they turn guilt into anger and try to protect themselves against unwanted feelings. Anger is their only defense against a dumpee who insists on staying in touch and doing what he or she wants.

If the dumper’s respect is gone and the dumper doesn’t care about his or her morals, the dumper may also ignore or block the dumpee and blatantly post his or her new partner on social media.

The dumper could do lots of hurtful things after the breakup if the dumpee stays in contact and tries to change the dumper’s mind by force.

To avoid those hurtful things and heal, no contact was invented. This straightforward self-imposed technique has certain rules that require strength, perseverance, and commitment. It requires the dumpee to go against his or her cravings and leave the dumper alone for as long as it takes.

The dumpee shouldn’t attempt to persuade the dumper to come back. Reconciliation should be decided and initiated by the dumper alone. That’s how the dumper can show regret and begin to regain the dumpee’s trust. Power can then be distributed evenly and healthily.

The dumper just needs to admit fault in leaving the dumpee.

Anyway, no contact is necessary for your ex to see you in a better light. Your ex must enjoy life for a while, forget about your problems and expectations, and get into a pickle. When your ex runs into problems, he or she can then start thinking about you and comparing you to the life he or she left behind.

If your ex sees that he or she was a lot happier with you, your ex could end no contact and start chasing you. By doing so, your ex would let you assume control of the situation and listen to your conditions for getting back together.

So remember; without no contact, respect, attraction, and feelings may not grow. They may stay as they are as your ex could move on or move on to someone else instead of you.

No contact is essential because it demands respect from your ex. It tells your ex you respect his/her decision and that you also need him or her to respect yours and leave you alone. Your ex doesn’t have a choice. There’s no middle ground.

Either he or she gives you the respect and love you deserve or you walk away with your head held high.

Your ex needs to decide what’s more important. Is losing you completely more important than being in a relationship with you? If it is, you must stay away from your ex until your ex no longer thinks that way or until you’re ready to be friends.

For now, no contact is your only option as it’s the only solution that encourages detachment, growth, and independence.

How to go no contact with an ex?

Going no contact with an ex requires no or very little planning. You just need to gather the strength to pull away and stay away. This sounds easier than it actually is, but going no contact with an ex is all about the determination to heal and not mess things up with your ex.

It’s okay to feel a little hopeful about being with an ex. Most dumpees start no contact to get back with their ex. They don’t, however, stay in no contact entirely for their ex. When they realize how soothing it feels to keep their ex at a distance, they choose to stay in no contact and continue to heal.

They don’t want to regress emotionally and feel miserable, unattractive, and weak, so they make no contact a permanent part of their journey.

If you go no contact with your ex, you have to commit to it. Don’t break it just because you feel down and abandoned. Breaking no contact is dangerous because it resets your healing and makes you depend on your ex for self-love.

If you do reach out because you had a moment of weakness, resume no contact like you never reached out. Act like you’ve been completely loyal to no contact and allow yourself to continue to heal.

It’s okay if you slip up once or twice. Just don’t let yourself keep making mistakes and relying on your ex. Remember that every time you reach out, you disturb your ex’s relief phase and make your ex want to talk and be with you less.

I guess you’ll deal with the consequences of breaking no contact when or if you break no contact. For now, focus on going no contact and getting yourself back. Think about the advantages of going no contact with an ex and the disadvantages of staying in contact.

By keeping them in mind, you should feel more motivated for starting no contact and staying in it.

Here’s what could happen if you do or don’t go no contact.

You must remember that no contact is your cure to healing and that it’s the best method for attracting your ex. It’s a 2-in-1 solution to your post-breakup problems. Don’t waste your time looking for other (quick) solutions.

Quick fixes don’t exist. If they did, you wouldn’t have to stay away from your ex and let time heal your wounds. You could just message your ex and tell your ex you’re prepared to be responsible, attentive, caring, and the way he or she wanted you to be all along.

Sadly, that’s not how breakups work. You can’t get back with an ex by abandoning your self-respect and hoping that your ex sees everything you bring to the table.

Now that the breakup happened, it’s not about what you bring to the table but what your ex took for granted and can’t get on his or her own or with someone else. It’s about your ex setting his or her expectation too high and suffering when reality sets in.

No contact is the best reconciliation method that gives your ex the time and space to be free and see if he or she is capable of enjoying life without you. Make use of no contact by investing in areas of your life that need investing.

Anyway, before you decide to go no contact with your ex, figure out why you’re starting no contact. What’s the outcome that you wish to accomplish? If you wish to get back with your ex, know that it could take your ex a long time to realize your worth.

There’s no guarantee that your ex will fall back in love with you if you go no contact, but your chances of success will be the highest when you leave your ex completely alone.

On the other hand, if you go no contact with your ex to move on and/or be friends one day, then that’s fine too. No contact will help you with that too.

Once you’ve determined to start no contact, gather your courage and cut your ex off. Tell your ex you’ve decided to focus on yourself and that you don’t want to communicate anymore. Your ex will most likely respect your decision and let you heal afterwards.

If your ex doesn’t leave you alone, reaffirm your commitment to no contact and/or tell your ex you’ll have no choice but to block him or her. That should be enough to get some space.

And if that also doesn’t suffice, then feel free to block your ex. Your ex won’t like it, but at least your ex will respect you.

That said, here’s what you should do to start no contact with an ex.

Of course, if your ex hasn’t or won’t give you closure, don’t demand it from your ex. An who doesn’t explain things properly isn’t the type of person who understands and cares about your feelings. Your ex doesn’t even understand himself or herself and should be cut off without a warning.

Only ask for explanations and space from dumpers who reach out to you and have at least some respect for you.

Is it possible your ex will just move on?

Absolutely. No contact doesn’t guarantee that your ex will come back. It just gives your ex the space to clear his or her head and experience life without you. If your ex’s post-breakup experiences are bad and if your ex isn’t prepared to deal with them, your ex could learn to value you the hard way and come back.

The chance of that happening, though isn’t very high, so don’t count on something out of your control to surprise your ex and change his or her perception of you. It may not happen.

Besides, your ex should already know your value. He or she should respect you for who you are and want you on good, not just difficult days.

If your ex can only desire you when things get hard, how will your ex appreciate you when things are fine? Chances are that your ex won’t and that your ex will leave again when he or she takes you for granted.

My advice is to keep as much false hope out of your system as possible. You won’t get rid of it right away, but if you understand that your ex might not come back because of no contact, you’ll recover quicker than a person who puts all his or her faith in no contact.

Remember that no contact can’t make an ex move on more than he or she already has. A person who leaves doesn’t love you anymore. He or she lost feeling for you days, weeks, or in some cases, even months or years before the breakup.

The breakup is merely an official separation.

You’ll get back on your feet much faster if you accept that your ex has detached and that your ex would need to fail miserably to want you back.

Are you thinking about going no contact with your ex? How and when do you plan to start no contact? Share your thoughts and ask questions below the post.

And if you want our help with devising a breakup plan, check out our coaching options here.