If your heart is set on getting your ex back, it’s crucial to make your ex feel your absence, not your presence. Your absence reveals many things about your mentality, emotional strength, self-respect, and ability to move on.
It shows you’re not going to beg for time and affection and that you have better people to focus on.
People who actually want you and deserve a spot in your life. Such people need to become a priority for you so you can distract yourself and recover emotionally. The best way to accomplish that and send the message that you’ve accepted the breakup is to cut your ex off.
Refuse friendship and jump straight into no contact. Doing so will make your ex feel your absence and perhaps even allow your ex to realize what he or she has lost.
This depends on your ex’s post-breakup experiences and coping mechanisms.
The less prepared your ex is for a life without you, the better the impact your absence will have on your ex. So make sure to keep your distance as distance is the best way to heal and indirectly influence your ex.
I say indirectly because you can’t directly make your ex want to be with you. It has to be your ex who asks for your forgiveness as he or she left and needs to return your power.
Bear in mind that absence alone won’t force your ex to come back and want to be with you. Your absence won’t do that unless your ex still has feelings for you and wants to make the relationship work.
Absence on its own can work in relationships because it makes the heart grow fonder. But in breakups, the heart can grow fonder only with pain and regret. In order to miss you, your ex must run into unresolvable obstacles he or she needs your help with.
That means your ex must get hurt, remember your romantic worth, and crave the comfort and stability you provided your ex with on a daily basis.
So if you have any doubts about making your ex feel your absence and are thinking about staying in contact and talking your way back into a relationship, know that communication won’t give your ex the emotional distance he or she needs to experience.
It won’t give your ex a chance to fail in life either. All it will do is show you’re still around and that you’re willing to settle for friendship just to cling to your ex and feel somewhat needed and important. That’s not something your ex will respect and want to explore on a deeper level.
Because of your availability, your ex will probably feel even less eager to converse and bond. Eventually, your ex will also find someone else and make you feel stupid for thinking you could go from friendship back to a relationship.
Reconciliation seldom happens in this order because getting out of a friend zone with an ex isn’t the same as becoming a partner for the first time. The first time, your partner had no negative perceptions of you.
He or she didn’t know you intimately yet and thought you were the right person for him or her.
This time, it’s the opposite. Your ex knows you (or thinks he/she knows you) and doesn’t want to experience more negative thoughts and feelings. Your ex wants to keep negativity away and feel positive.
That’s what your absence can do for your ex. It can make your ex happy and not think about you for a while.
You may not want that as you don’t want your ex to move on without you, but this needs to happen whether you like it or not. It’s necessary for your ex’s well-being and respect for you.
The point of no contact is to let your ex think, feel, and do what he or she wants. If your ex meets someone else and fails, for example, chances are your absence will hit your ex harder than ever, show your ex you weren’t the problem, and make your ex want you back.
So even though it’s hard, try to be patient. Take your mind off your ex by engaging in productive, engaging hobbies and activities. That won’t just make the best impression on your ex but also help you keep your composure and get your ex out of your system.
In this article, we discuss how to make your ex feel your absence and encourage you to keep your distance from your ex.
How to make your ex feel your absence?
To make your ex feel your absence, you must remove your presence. Stop hanging out with your ex, messaging or calling your ex, liking or tagging your ex on social media, sending letters, and showing you’re interested in your ex’s life more than your own.
You mustn’t make your ex think you’re watching his or her every move and that you’re not moving on. Such convictions will only push your ex further away and hinder your healing.
So instead of waiting for your ex to show you or tell you that you’re not wanted, distance yourself from your ex before your ex rejects you again and affects your self-esteem. Show your ex you accepted the breakup and that you have some rules you need him or her to follow.
These rules are called the rules of no contact and demand zero communication. They’re necessary for your ex to feel your absence (see that you’re completely gone, not just partially).
Don’t tell your ex you’re doing no contact to reconnect with your ex later down the line. Just start no contact silently and tell your ex you’re not ready to communicate when or if your ex reaches out.
If you’ve been keeping in touch, your ex will soon realize you’ve stopped reaching out and started minding your own business. That will be the first time your ex notices a change in your mentality and feels your absence.
Your ex might even miss you.
So make your ex feel your absence by disappearing from your ex’s life. It may not affect your ex right away (especially if you begged and pleaded and did many other desperate things), but it will give your ex the space he or she has asked for.
If your ex wants to stay friends but can’t because you decided to put yourself first, that’s not your problem. It’s your ex’s for not understanding your needs.
Bear in mind that your absence works on its own. You don’t need to do anything to make your ex realize he or she lost a good person.
You can post things on social media if you want to, but ultimately, your silence speaks for itself.
It tells your ex you’re doing fine and that you’re not looking over your shoulder and wasting your time on someone who doesn’t want you.
Silence after the breakup is so powerful because your ex deciphers it alone. And how your ex deciphers it usually depends on his or her happiness and success in life.
On a good day, your ex appreciates it and wants it to continue whereas on a bad day, your ex wonders why you’re not reaching out, what you’re doing, and whether you’re happy.
The worse your ex feels and the longer the unhappiness lasts, the bigger the chance that your absence will make your ex curious, nostalgic, and/or regretful.
The point of your absence isn’t to manipulate your ex by removing your presence and forcing your ex to feel scared and care about you. As I’ve mentioned earlier, your absence (no contact) can’t do that.
Its purpose is to let your ex singlehandedly come to the conclusion that not being with you is hurting him or her and that losing you was a big mistake.
You should never do no contact only temporarily (for 30, 45, 60, or 90 days). If you break no contact prematurely, you’ll ruin all your healing and risk getting rejected and hurt again.
So if you’re going to go no contact, go indefinite no contact. Stay away from your ex permanently and let your ex decide when to talk to you. Your ex will do that when your ex feels your absence.
Now, your ex could feel your absence in different ways.
He or she could:
- be curious about you
- miss talking to you as a friend
- miss your emotional support
- miss you sexually
- feel jealous or envious
- or want you back romantically
You probably don’t want your ex to just miss you sexually or to reach out because of guilt. That could make you think your ex wants you back romantically, which would, in turn, give you false hope and increase your anxiety.
You want your ex to leave you alone unless your ex wants you back or you both want friendship.
Since this isn’t an option right now, your only option is to try to make your ex feel your absence by removing your presence and focusing on yourself. This means no talking and plenty of socializing and staying busy.
That being said, here’s how to make your ex feel your absence.
Take your attention off your ex
If you want to make your ex feel your absence, stop worrying about what your ex is thinking and feeling and worry about yourself. You won’t make anyone miss you if you’re not happy with yourself and the life you’ve created.
You’ll just drag people down with you and make them regret knowing you. I know that’s harsh, but people want you to contribute to their lives, not just take from them.
So first things first, learn from the breakup by thinking about your mistakes and flaws. Don’t blame yourself for them, of course, but do acknowledge them and work on them.
Improving them will help you forgive yourself and show your ex you don’t need his or her forgiveness and recognition.
When your ex sees you’ve done the necessary work and that you’ve disassociated yourself from the person you were in the relationship, your ex will feel more tempted to converse (even if it’s about unimportant things) and be less scared of your apologies and reasoning.
The same is true for letting go. If you detach and let go of your ex, your ex will be glad you’re focusing on yourself and moving on. That means your ex could also realize the relationship is done for good and feel your absence.
If you learn to live without your ex and find inner peace, your ex could essentially become nostalgic at times, ask your friends about you, and stalk you on social media.
It’s hard to say what your ex will think, feel, and do when he or she notices you’re living your life to the fullest, but I do know your ex’s respect for you will increase. It will be higher than ever because you won’t need your ex to complete you.
So if you want to make your ex feel your absence, do that by taking your focus off your ex and putting it on yourself. You need to remember you’re the most important person and that your ex will notice your worth only if you keep your composure and let the power of absence and silence speak to your ex for you.
Silence will tell your ex everything it needs to say, starting with how happy, developed, and emotionally independent you’ve become. Such things are extremely attractive and could pique your ex’s interest when life gets tough and forces your ex to crave validation and security.
You need to wait for your ex to experience difficulties. Waiting doesn’t mean sitting at home and literally waiting for your ex to hit you up. It means you keep moving on and let your ex contact you when he or she is ready to do that.
If your ex feels your absence and cares about you romantically, rest assured your ex will come back and express feelings and regret. All you’ll need to do after that is express your expectations and steer your ex in the right direction.
You don’t want your ex to use you and leave as soon as there’s a problem.
Are you trying to make your ex feel your absence? What do you think is the best way to go about it? Let us know in the comment area below.
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