If your ex moved on immediately and is happy, this is completely normal. Exes (dumpers) leave relationships because they aren’t happy. They aren’t able to reach their desired standards, so naturally, abandoning relationships is supposed to make them happy.
It’s supposed to fulfill them emotionally as breakups remove their obligations to their ex, give them feelings of independence, and allow them to talk to others and do what they want.
Dumpers don’t indulge in nostalgia and struggle to let go of the relationship they abandoned. The moment they break up with their ex, they feel extremely relieved. They’re super glad the relationship has ended and wish they’d left sooner.
Dumpees are the ones who beat themselves up over their mistakes and failures. They take breakups to heart and spiral into depression. Because they lack control over their ex’s thoughts, feelings, and actions, they become obsessed with their ex and desperately look for ways to get back with their ex.
Some try to reason with their ex whereas others implement the no contact rule. Dumpees’ biggest hurdle is accepting the breakup and letting go of their ex. Most dumpees would do anything to stop their ex from moving on and being happy.
They’d give up all their possessions to go back in time and get another chance with their ex. What anxious dumpees don’t initially realize, though, is that the breakup happened for a reason and that their ex had flaws too. They just aren’t able to see those flaws because they’re in pain and hyperfocused on their own mistakes and problems.
It usually takes them a few months to take their rose-colored glasses off and see their ex for the person he or she is. That’s when they have an “aha moment” and stop blaming themselves.
Anyway, if your ex moved on immediately and appears to be happy, you shouldn’t even know that your ex is happy. You shouldn’t be intentionally checking up on your ex and torturing yourself. What you should be doing instead is making sure that you know as little about your ex’s new life and emotional state as possible.
You want to deliberately keep yourself in the dark and move on.
To be honest, it’d be strange if your ex wasn’t happy after initiating the breakup. Dumpers think about breaking up with their partner for days, weeks, or sometimes even months before they actually break up. They sit on unhealthy thoughts and emotions for so long that they can’t see any other solution than to break up.
A breakup feels liberating to them and helps them avoid relationship problems and unwanted emotions.
Dumpers who aren’t happy after the breakup are either forced to leave their ex (let’s say their ex cheated) or have depression or some other mental health problem. Such dumpers can experience feelings of regret as soon as they leave their partner as they realize they’re still in love (attached).
Other/healthy dumpers are detached and are expected to be happy. They leave relationships to focus on themselves and enjoy their life. Self-focus gives them happiness and enables them to forget about their ex for a while.
They never completely forget the person they dumped, but they do distract themselves and look for better ways and different people to spend their time with.
If your ex moved on and is happy, your ex is acting like a typical dumper. Your ex is going through the dumper stages and feels the need to shake things up a little. By doing things differently, your ex aims to leave the old life behind and embrace the new and exciting life ahead.
You mustn’t think that you’re the reason your ex moved on so quickly. If you want to blame anyone, blame your ex and the breakup itself. They are the reasons your ex is acting so happy after the breakup.
You see, before your ex broke up with you, your ex went through several detachment stages during which he or she doubted the relationship and his or her happiness with you. It’s not your fault your ex didn’t get rid of his or her doubts and invested in the relationship. That was your ex’s responsibility, not yours.
So because your ex didn’t find a way to resolve problems, your ex eventually connected his or her unhappiness with the relationship and decided that the relationship wasn’t worth it anymore. Your ex decided this on his or her own despite being as responsible for maintaining the relationship as you.
I suppose your ex chose the easy way out and failed to remember that good relationships require lots of healthy communication and healthy problem-solving skills.
Sadly, your ex let negative thoughts and emotions get out of control. Your ex didn’t express them to you, express them to you properly, or find ways to resolve them quickly enough. Instead, your ex neglected the importance of communication, realized it was easier not to deal with problems, broke up with you, and looked happier than ever.
It was much easier to avoid problems than it was to work on them.
Quitting makes exhausted dumpers happy because they don’t have to work on problems from the past. They can finally enjoy their life and be free of relationship responsibilities. This is the reason why they make few or no personal improvements whatsoever. To improve, they would need to regret certain actions and behaviors rather than avoid them and blame their ex for them.
In this article, we discuss why your ex moved on immediately and is happy.
My ex moved on immediately and is happy
If your ex moved on immediately and appears to be happy and relieved, that’s not unusual and exclusive to your ex. Most dumpers are happy after the breakup for a month or two because they felt smothered and unhappy toward the end of the relationship.
They couldn’t break their negative thinking patterns and improve the issues that plagued the relationship, so they left the relationship and experienced immense relief. Feelings of relief are positively overwhelming for dumpers as dumpers no longer need to worry about their ex’s feelings and well-being.
They can finally focus on themselves and engage in activities that make them feel fulfilled. The freedom to do what they want when they want is extremely important to dumpers. They craved independence for ages, so they finally feel happy and act on their happiness.
They do all kinds of things that show how happy they are about the breakup.
Many dumpers post their newfound happiness on social media and by doing so, make their ex think that he or she was a lousy partner who was holding them back.
It sucks, but dumpees find it almost impossible not to take their ex’s happiness personally.
They’re full of regrets and anxiety and want to get back with their ex, so they hate seeing their ex happy. They want their ex to be miserable like them so they don’t have to suffer alone. They want their ex to experience pain and come back to admit fault and invest in the relationship.
By investing in the relationship, dumpees would feel reassured and immediately stop hurting.
So if your ex moved on immediately like you were nothing, bear in mind that your ex’s moving on has nothing to do with how good of a romantic partner you were. Even the kindest and most attentive people get dumped, treated poorly, and ignored after the breakup.
This is because the moment a breakup occurs, it’s no longer about dumpees. It’s about dumpers (their feelings and freedom). They want what’s best for them, which is lots of time for themselves and experiences they weren’t able or willing to have when they were with their ex.
That explains why dumpers become unrecognizable after the breakup. Oftentimes, they seem to become completely different people who are suddenly okay with things they previously weren’t okay with. The truth, though, is that they’re just enjoying the moment and acting on their post-breakup empowerment.
They like how the breakup feels because they’re finally free from self-created negativity.
Post-breakup empowerment tends to last a couple of months or another few months beyond that if dumpers meet someone they like and go through new relationship stages with that person.
I’m not saying dumpees are never the reason why dumpers are happy. Dumpees can contribute to dumpers’ post-breakup happiness too. But dumpers are ultimately responsible for processing negative thoughts and emotions and ensuring resentment doesn’t build up.
If they don’t stay aware of their emotions and resolve difficult emotions before they snowball into bitterness, they’re doomed because they stop caring about their emotional self-control and give their emotions control over the relationship. That’s how they become reactive and ruin the relationship.
So bear in mind that dumpers move on so easily because they disconnect emotionally (stop caring about their feelings for their dumpee) and stop caring about their dumpee’s feelings for them. They prioritize their well-being over their partner, leave their partner to his/her devices, and feel a weight lifted off their shoulders.
The thought of communicating and/or reconnecting on a deeper level makes them feel smothered or perhaps even repulsed.
This happens because dumpers attach negative beliefs to their ex’s persona and refuse to acknowledge their ex’s good points. They only care about the bad stuff because doing so helps them feel victimized and makes it extremely easy to move on and enjoy life.
You must understand that your ex moved on long before you even got dumped. Detachment happened in stages.
First, your ex experienced problems. Then your ex doubted the relationship and took you for granted. And finally, after weeks of neglect, your ex lost feelings and only stayed with you for the sake of staying with you.
Maybe your ex thought things would improve on their own, I don’t know. But because they didn’t, your ex ran into more (bonding) issues, became more doubtful/unhappy, disconnected more and more, and entertained the idea of breaking up.
Eventually, your ex encountered a problem that was too much to handle and made him or her give up on the relationship. And that was when your ex finally mustered the courage to initiate the breakup and felt relieved.
Soon or right after breaking up, your ex began expressing his or her new happiness. Your ex seemed happier than in a long time and made it look like you were the reason for his/her unhappiness. What your ex didn’t say or show, though, was that he or she was so elated because of the freedom the breakup provided.
Your ex didn’t state that quitting a relationship freed him or her from obligations, resentment, and hard work. Those are the things your ex may not even be aware of. He or she is probably just focusing on how great it feels to be independent and worry-free.
With this in mind, here’s why your ex moved on immediately and is happy.
Dumpers directly or indirectly reveal their happiness. They usually don’t mean to hurt their ex on purpose, but that’s what they do anyway because they don’t understand and care about what their ex is going through.
They only see the breakup through their eyes and as a result, express themselves openly and hurt their ex immensely.
Dumpers show they’re happy by:
- appearing unaffected
- posting happy pictures and moving on quotes on social media
- dating other people
- socializing, especially drinking and partying
- staying busy
- upgrading their wardrobe
- changing/copying others’ communication styles
- telling their friends they’re doing great
- and leaving their ex alone
These gestures prove that dumpers are happy, trying to regain their identity, and working on forgetting their ex.
You must remember that an ex who isn’t happy would be figuring out his or her problems (anxiety, depression, and inconveniences). The dumper would probably be contacting you to prevent you from moving on and try to get back together with you.
That’s what regretful dumpers do because they’re in pain and want to stop the pain in the quickest way possible.
What can you do when your ex moves on immediately and is happy?
Schools don’t teach us what to do and not do after a breakup. They don’t tell us about behaviors that will make things worse or help us. We have to figure out such things on our own by researching dumpers’ behaviors and expectations.
We can do this by talking to people who have been through breakups before or by reading breakup material.
Fortunately, there’s plenty of breakup material for you to indulge in on the internet. Just make sure that the things you read are realistic as there is lots of deceiving advice online that will cause more problems than it will solve. It will give you hope and a false feeling of power.
Most deceitful people will advise you to take control of the breakup by contacting your ex on your terms and trying to hurt, guilt-trip, convince, and manipulate your ex into wanting to be with you. Such content must be avoided at all costs.
Now that you’re aware of that, try to accept answers that aren’t the easiest to accept. It won’t be easy but admit that your ex is happy right now and that your ex will probably stay happy for a few months. That’s how things are for most dumpers.
They feel free at last and think they must make use of their post-breakup relief.
There are some things you should and shouldn’t do when your ex moves on and appears happy. Some of those things are straightforward, but despite their simplicity, many dumpees still lose their patience and make mistakes. By doing so, they pressure their ex and reduce the chances of their ex wanting to communicate and work things out.
Anyway, the first piece of advice I have for you is to not stalk your ex on social media. Why does it matter what your ex does and how happy he or she appears? Your ex’s life is no longer your business. It stopped concerning you when your ex left you.
I know you want to feel more content and that you’re trying to regain your sense of control by coming across information that gives you hope. But I guarantee that you won’t find what you’re hoping for on your ex’s Instagram page. You’ll only find attractive pictures of your ex that will make you wonder why or who your ex is trying to look good for.
So first things first, unfollow or delete your ex on social media. Keeping an eye on your ex is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Self-love requires you to focus on yourself. And you can do that by getting rid of reminders of your ex, your ex’s gifts, and temptations to check up on your ex.
Next, remind yourself that most dumpers go through a happy stage. They’re happy whether you were a good partner or an awful one. It doesn’t matter what you were like because their happiness comes from escaping a relationship that made them feel trapped.
Whatever you do, don’t try to compete with your ex. You’ll never win because you’re going through completely different stages. You’re starting on opposite ends of the breakup and will need to process the separation before you can be happy (or happier).
It will likely take you more than half a year to get your ex out of your head and feel in control of your life. If you try to skip the dumpee stages by giving yourself a time limit and dating other people, you’ll fail miserably. Not only will you fail, but you’ll also suffer badly because you’ll rebound and create additional problems for yourself.
My advice is to heal the slow way – by signing up for therapy, journaling, learning more about breakups, exercising, and socializing. You’ll feel better if you invest in yourself rather than ignore the need to grow and distract yourself.
No matter how happy your ex appears, my final advice is to go cold turkey on your ex. Do that by going no contact with your ex and following ALL the rules of no contact, not just the easiest ones. Only then will you learn to let go of control and stop caring about your ex’s happiness and complete detachment.
I hope you’ve learned why your ex moved on immediately and is happy. If you have any questions or tips of your own to share, you can leave a comment below the post.
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