When your ex texts you, “Thinking of you,” your ex wants to communicate with you and get some kind of reaction from you. Usually, your ex wants to see that you forgive him/her for hurting you and that you’re coping well with the breakup.
A reassuring reaction from you allows your dumper ex to ease post-breakup guilt and not stress about talking to others and dating them. It helps the dumper move on with a clear conscience and start a new chapter of his or her life.
The reach-out is about your ex making sure you’re healing well and that you have what you need to keep healing. It’s another way of saying that he/she has your back and that you’ll be okay no matter what.
So if your ex texted you “thinking of you,” “I miss you,” “I hope you’re okay,” or anything along those lines, bear in mind that your ex wants to give you something to receive something. Your ex wants to confide in you and get things off his or her chest so your ex can deal with some unwanted thoughts or emotions.
If your ex feels bad for hurting you, your ex wants to see that you’ve dealt with pain and that you’re moving on.
If your ex got dumped or if something bad happened to your ex, your ex wants you to know that he or she is thinking about you. This allows your ex to receive validation and emotional support when he or she needs it the most.
And if your ex is lonely or bored, your ex wants you to know you still occupy his or her mind and that your ex values you as a friend.
Regardless of why your ex texted you “thinking of you,” you should know that mere thinking doesn’t indicate regret and a desire to reconnect. It doesn’t show that your ex has discerned your worth and that your ex wants you back.
To want you back, your ex would have to develop romantic cravings and expectations. Without a desire for love, thoughts about you are just thoughts. They’re empty as they don’t encourage reconciliation.
You need to keep in mind that many exes reach out because they realize they went too far and that they should have been kinder to their ex during or after the breakup. Because they feel bad, they reach out to feel their ex out, say nice things, make their ex appreciate them, and make themselves feel better.
Little do they know that by saying sweet things, they give their ex hope and make it harder for their ex to let go.
Dumpees, on the other hand, don’t give compliments because they feel guilty. They compliment their ex with the expectation of receiving compliments back. Dumpees feel starved of attention and affection, so they hope that their ex would think about them and feel the same way about them.
If their ex doesn’t respond the way they want him/her to, they get rejected again and suffer immensely as a result.
In this post, we discuss what it means if your ex texted you “thinking of you.”
My ex texted me thinking of you
If your ex texted you that he or she is thinking of you, your ex wants you to know that he or she hasn’t forgotten about you.
The reason your ex wants to send that message across is that your ex likes you as a person and wants you not to blame yourself.
If you were to blame yourself and your ex found out about it, your ex would have a harder time accepting his/her behavior and the way it affected you.
Therefore, your ex texted you that he/she was thinking of you because your ex didn’t want you to suffer and think that you have no support or care from him or her. Your ex wanted to be a responsible person who checked up on you and absolved himself or herself of guilt in the process.
What you probably want to know is what made your ex think of you.
This could be anything, really. Usually, it’s completely random things, such as:
- places you frequented together
- music/movies you associate with each other
- anniversaries
- inside jokes
- friends asking about you
- dreams/nightmares
- and anything that hurt your ex, reminded your ex of you, and triggered curiosity and/or guilt
Something must have inspired or forced your ex to reach out to you and engage in conversation with you. Figure out what that was so you don’t get your hopes up and assume your ex wants to apologize and reconcile.
Although some exes use this line as an excuse to come back, the majority don’t. Most dumpers choose a more assertive approach. One that clearly and directly expresses a desire to reconnect and get back together.
So don’t think that an ex wants you back the moment he or she thinks of you and contacts you. It’s much more likely that your ex just wants to talk to you and learn what you’ve been up to. When your ex does that, your ex will probably not think of you and feel nostalgic for a while.
Your ex will focus on more important people and things.
With that said, here are some possible explanations for why your ex reached out and said he or she was thinking of you
If your ex is thinking of you and reaching out, your ex probably doesn’t despise you. On the contrary, he or she respects you and is okay with speaking with you. Your ex isn’t afraid that you’ll try to change his or her mind about the breakup and guilt-trip him or her.
If your ex felt unsafe or pressured, your ex wouldn’t have contacted you. He or she definitely wouldn’t have said that you were on his or her mind and that he or she wants you to be aware of it.
Dumpers who intensely dislike their ex don’t say things like that. They just stay away from their ex and enjoy their space and freedom. Freedom makes them feel in control of their post-breakup life and allows them to prioritize their emotions, needs, and desire.
When an ex messages you to tell you that he thinks about you, your ex basically wants reassurance. Reassurance not that you still love him and want him back, but that you’re okay emotionally and mentally and that you have the ability and willpower to recover from the breakup.
Your ex could also check up on you (admit to thinking of you) when you have something important going on. When you have an exam, a medical checkup, an accident, an interview, or something that matters a lot to you, your ex could send you breadcrumbs and make you feel more confused and anxious than before.
Many dumpers don’t understand that their reach-outs give dumpees hope and anxiety and that they make them overanalyze things.
What to do when your ex admits to thinking of you?
An ex thinks of you for a reason. If that reason has nothing to do with you (if it’s about your ex’s pain, misery, curiosity, guilt, or boredom), you shouldn’t entertain it. You should instead look for ways to end or minimize your ex’s unnecessary messages and allow yourself to heal.
A great way to stop your ex from breadcrumbing you is to just be honest with your ex. Tell your ex that you’re not ready to communicate and that you’d appreciate space until you’ve processed things and reached out to your ex.
Your ex must understand that you won’t tolerate meaningless reach-outs and that you won’t let the current reach-out dissuade you from focusing on yourself and moving on.
If your ex understands that, your ex will leave you alone and let you move on without making you feel confused and cared for romantically.
It probably feels tempting to continue letting your ex tell you things you want to hear, but try not to cave into temptations. Temptations to talk to your ex need to be avoided rather than acted upon.
If you can do that, you’ll keep healing and getting over your ex. You’ll essentially avoid unnecessary emotional setbacks and allow yourself to put the breakup behind you in the quickest time possible. You may want your ex back very badly, but what you want even more than that is to stop hurting.
You want to feel secure, calm, and anxiety-free.
If you stick to the rules of no contact and handle your ex’s crumbs appropriately, rest assured that you’ll soon get yourself back. You’ll recover to the point where your ex’s absence stops bothering you and allows you to once again prioritize your life.
So for now, try not to extract hope from your ex’s messages. Instead of letting them make you anxious, avoid them by telling your ex to stop sending them. You want to make sure your ex understands that you need to heal and that failure to comply with your requests will leave you with no choice but to block your ex out of your life by force.
Your dumper ex should know that you’re not friends or friends with benefits. You’re exes who couldn’t make the relationship work and need to separate from each other completely. You can’t stay in touch and compliment each other just because you still respect each other and/or have feelings for each other.
The breakup should be the end of the friendship (at least for a while). By creating some physical and emotional distance, you can avoid saying or hearing things that give you unnecessary hope and worry. You just need to be brave and let your ex know that you’ll be getting some space.
If you tolerate your ex’s “Thinking of you” texts and just wait for them to end, you could indirectly encourage your ex to keep telling you nice things. You could essentially show that you’re okay with sweet talk and that you still want your ex to be with you.
And that could put your ex off and lower your ex’s respect and curiosity for you.
If you don’t want your ex back, you probably don’t care about that. But if you’re still trying to get your ex back, you probably want to make a good impression on your ex and reconcile as soon as possible. You want your ex to think about you, contact you, and ask for forgiveness.
In that case, politely ask for space and focus on things that make you happy.
Does your ex keep texting you that he or she is thinking of you? How do your ex’s breadcrumbs make you feel? Let us know in the comments below.
However, if you still don’t know what to do and want our help with your breakup, sign up for coaching with us.
