Do you miss your ex and want to reach out?
You’re not the only one. Most dumpees miss their ex like crazy and have a hard time staying away from their ex. They want to contact their ex and let their ex know how much the relationship meant to them.
Dumpees are prepared to do anything to demonstrate their love and commitment—and win their ex back.
They’re prepared to beg and plead, take the blame, promise to do better, and change who they are and want to be. They’re willing to give all their power away and make themselves look weak and unattractive.
How they look doesn’t matter to them. Due to pain and anxiety, they’re more than happy to lower their pride and do what they think their ex expects of them. Sadly, their ex doesn’t expect them to put in more effort and prove their commitment.
Dumpers aren’t committed themselves, so they don’t expect their ex to be either. They expect the dumpee to stop bothering and pressuring them. That’s the only way they can feel respected.
If you’re thinking of putting your ex in charge, bear in mind that it will only make things worse. Your ex already has enough power and control over the situation. He or she initiated the breakup, so any attention-seeking will only have a negative effect.
It will show your ex you lack autonomy and self-respect and that he or she has nothing to gain by being with you. Of course, you have a lot to offer. But your ex won’t see it if you don’t love yourself and fail to walk away when it’s time to walk away.
Dumpers don’t respect exes who throw themselves at their feet. They secretly want a person who has goals outside of the relationship and knows his or her worth. A person like that gives them something to fight for whereas a desperate ex drains their energy and repulses them.
He or she makes them see they’ve made the right choice to leave their ex.
So if you’re missing your ex and want to reach out super badly, remember that communication isn’t what your ex wants right now. Your ex wants to be left alone and recover emotionally. And the only way your ex can do that and perhaps one day develop a desire to talk to you and get back with you is by focusing on himself/herself for a while.
Your ex needs to be free and enjoy life because the relationship indirectly trapped him or her and triggered the need to be alone or with other people.
I know you don’t want to give your ex space and watch your ex fall in love with someone else, but if you don’t stay away from your ex, your ex won’t just lack feelings for you. Your ex will also develop unhealthy perceptions and resentment.
And resentment will make it much harder for your ex to find reasons to respect you, like you, or love you.
Every text or call (breakup mistake) will push your ex further away and stop your ex from giving you the attention and affection you desire.
Therefore, it’s in your best interest to act maturely and confidently. Confident behavior includes controlling your emotions/impulses to reach out, avoiding talking badly about your ex, and not posting depressing things on socials.
As a dumpee, you need to present yourself as someone who accepted the breakup and let go of any expectations of your ex. The sooner you do that, the less pressured your ex will feel and the bigger the chance that your ex will find a reason to reach out.
Your ex’s reach out may be just a breadcrumb, but at least your ex will talk to you of his or her own accord.
Bear in mind it’s completely normal to miss your ex and want to ask your ex questions about the relationship, breakup, and even life after the split. Dumpees crave information and need answers because answers ease their anxiety and nostalgia (give them closure).
What’s not normal, though, is to act on your emotions and pester your ex when your ex doesn’t want to talk to you. Contacting your ex, asking for clarifications, accusing your ex of things, and telling your ex things your ex doesn’t care about is a big mistake.
It’s overwhelming to your ex as it makes your ex feel suffocated and uncomfortable. Your ex would rather feel emotions that make him or her happy and in control of life.
So if your ex doesn’t reach out, know that you mustn’t reach out either. It doesn’t matter how badly you miss your ex and if you have something important to say to your ex. Silence on the dumper’s part indicates a lack of (romantic) interest.
You must take it seriously or you could force your ex to do something that kills your hope and hurts you.
You could make your ex ignore you, block you, or respond impatiently and rudely. If your ex doesn’t respond the way you want him or her to respond, you’ll most likely feel rejected and hurt. Hence why it’s best to understand your ex’s needs and not force your ex to respond.
This post is dedicated to dumpees who miss their ex and feel tempted to reach out.
Things to do when you miss your ex
When you miss your ex, you should do your best to snap out of it. Sitting on nostalgia, anxiety, and cravings won’t do you any good. It will just keep you hungry for your ex’s acceptance and validation and make you unhappy.
It’s extremely important to regain control of your emotions and think rationally. A great way to do that is to remind yourself who initiated the breakup and why the breakup happened. Don’t focus on the things you messed up or could have done better.
That will make you blame yourself and force you to want your ex’s forgiveness even more.
Instead of hurting yourself on purpose, think about the things your ex did or didn’t do. If you can’t think of anything, it’s probably too soon for you to look at the breakup logically. You need more time to detach and let go before you can see things clearly.
What you can do today, however, is admit that your ex gave up on the relationship instead of talking about problems and finding solutions. Your ex could have expressed emotions and concerns better. Because he or she didn’t or didn’t know how to, your ex decided the relationship wasn’t worth the trouble and allowed himself or herself to slowly fall out of love.
That’s right. Your ex allowed it to happen as your ex was okay with falling out of love. Emotional detachment didn’t just happen on its own. It happened by choice and in stages due to self-neglect and the inability to communicate efficiently.
If you keep that in mind, you’ll avoid blaming yourself and hold your ex accountable for throwing the relationship away. This perception of your ex will help you see your ex more realistically and let you miss your ex a bit less. It will essentially allow you to stay in no contact and encourage you to wait for your ex to make the first move.
Also, make sure to focus on your ex’s mistakes, flaws, and the times your ex disappointed you and hurt you. You must remember that your ex isn’t perfect but that you made him or her perfect in your eyes.
You will now need to de-idolize your ex by reminding yourself that your ex doesn’t deserve the adoration, praise, or attention he or she is getting from you. Your ex deserves your absence and as much respect as any other person.
Dethroning your ex won’t happen overnight. But with healthy breakup knowledge, self-respect, and proper post-breakup behavior, you’ll be able to push your ex out of your heart and stop thinking of your ex as your savior – as someone who can stop your anxiety and make you feel loved and cherished.
My advice is to take a pen and paper and write down why you miss your ex. What exactly do you like about your ex that another person can’t give you? After you’ve given it some thought, you should realize that your ex is less unique than you thought and that the reason you’re suffering is that you’re attached and feel abandoned or betrayed.
If you look at the relationship and breakup rationally, you’ll eventually understand that you accepted your ex and settled for him or her. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but your suffering has got very little to do with your ex being the right person for you.
It’s got almost everything to do with your ex abandoning (hurting) you and making you feel unworthy of love.
Now that you’re no longer together, you crave the love hormones your brain rewarded you with when things were great. You still remember the good times and the way your relationship felt when you were partners.
Because you aren’t partners anymore, your brain is now reminding you that you aren’t happy and that you could be happy if you just talked to your ex and saw that your ex still cares about you.
This explains why you feel a void in your chest and wish to fill up that void by conversing with your ex and getting back together.
Whenever you miss your ex, you shouldn’t instinctually do the first thing that comes to mind. You shouldn’t open your ex’s photos, stalk your ex online, or do things that help you indulge in nostalgia. On the contrary, you should delete your ex’s photos, unfollow your ex on Facebook and Instagram, and surround yourself with friends and family.
Talking to others when you have the urge to talk to your ex is important. People will keep you distracted and help you realize that the world doesn’t revolve around your ex. It may seem that it does now that you’re hurting and have a hard time loving yourself.
But when you disconnect from your ex and stop seeing your ex as the one and only, that will change. Your ex will no longer play a significant role in your life and will merely be someone you dated.
That will be the day you realize you were dependent on your ex for healing and that you can find someone better than your ex.
So while you’re hurting and missing your ex unconditionally, know that you’re in the process of letting go of your ex. This process may be painfully slow, but you are nonetheless getting used to not having your ex around and relying on your ex emotionally.
You’ll need lots of self-control to stop yourself from reaching out to your ex and professing your love to your ex. You’ll need to stay aware of your thoughts and emotions and keep in mind there will likely be consequences if you reach out and tell your ex you’ve been missing him or her.
Always remember that reaching out isn’t worth the risk of getting rejected and that you’ll soon regain control of your emotions. Every day feels a little bit better. You probably just don’t realize it because you want to feel better right now.
With that said, here’s what you can do when you miss your ex and want to talk to your ex.
Journal and read your notes when you miss your ex
Talking to people, staying busy, and therapy are great methods for dealing with nostalgia, fear, and anxiety. They help you process difficult separation emotions and give you the strength to self-prioritize.
But there’s something even better. If you’re journaling, it’s called reading your notes. The things you write down not only help you keep track of your emotional progress but they also remind you that your ex isn’t the person the breakup made you think he or she is.
Your ex is a person who stopped working on the relationship and left you. He or she doesn’t want to be in a relationship because being single or with someone else makes your ex feel happier and in control of his or her life.
This means your ex stopped investing in the relationship and valuing you as a person. You need to remember that when you’re missing your ex so you don’t get stuck in a cycle of missing your ex and thinking your ex was the best partner you could’ve asked for.
When you feel nostalgic, you shouldn’t entertain nostalgic thoughts. Conversely, you should look for ways to stop nostalgia from messing with your brain and making you more anxious. And one of the most successful methods for doing that is reading and writing.
Your notes work wonders because they give you a sense of control. Control is what you crave because your ex took it from you by force and made you feel powerless.
So if you miss your ex and want to read something that helps you miss your ex less, look at your notes and read realistic breakup articles. They should give you enough strength to help you get through the storm.
Once you’re through the storm, you won’t feel that obsessed with your ex. You’ll be okay with the situation and won’t miss your ex as often and strongly as you do now. You might not even miss your ex at all because you’ll have found better things to do.
Did reading this post help you feel a little better? What eases your anxiety and makes you miss your ex less? Let readers know in the comments section below the article.👇
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