Think your best friend might be your platonic soulmate? Here are the signs, the secrets and the truths to avoid complications and stay besties forever!
Could you have a platonic soulmate and not even know it? You know the one. They’ve seen you cry over three breakups, one failed attempt at sourdough, and that time you adopted a cactus and named it Greg.
You text them when you wake up and before you sleep, not because you have to, but because your brain just… defaults to them. You’ve never kissed, never even thought about it like that. But something about them feels different. Fated. Like you’ve known them in five different lifetimes and they still remember how you take your coffee.
That, my friend, might just be your platonic soulmate.
And if you’re thinking, “Wait… isn’t a soulmate supposed to be romantic?” Welcome to the club. Society has shoved romance as the pinnacle of connection for centuries, but some of the deepest, most transformative relationships are completely non-sexual and non-romantic. They’re the ride-or-dies. The soul-level besties. The human safety blankets. That’s a platonic soulmate.
We’re about to explore how to recognize one, what makes that connection so brain-and-heart-meltingly unique, and why science says these friendships are actually critical to your emotional well-being. Ready?
[Read: 29 Platonic Ways to Be Friends with a Guy & Learn to Make & Stay Just Friends]
What Is a Platonic Soulmate, Really?
Let’s break it down: a platonic soulmate is someone you connect with on a soul level, minus the romantic or sexual layers. It’s an emotional intimacy that runs deep, a best friend who feels like cosmic destiny.
The idea has roots in Plato’s Symposium, where he described soulmates as two halves of the same soul, split by the gods and destined to reunite. But in our modern lives, that reunion doesn’t always come with heart-eyes emojis or steamy kisses.
Sometimes, it comes with shared Spotify playlists, coordinated Halloween costumes, and brutally honest pep talks before job interviews.
Psychologically speaking, these relationships often reflect what researchers call communal relationships, where giving and receiving happen freely, without keeping score.
📚Source: Interpersonal attraction in exchange and communal relationships, Clark, M. S., & Mills, J. (1979)
And when that dynamic is paired with high emotional attunement and mutual vulnerability? You get the platonic soulmate experience.
They’re the ones who feel like home. The ones who remind you who you are when life gets foggy. The ones whose presence can lower your cortisol levels just by showing up.
And no, they’re not your “consolation prize” because romance didn’t happen. They’re a different kind of epic. Maybe even more rare.
[Read: 26 Different Types of Relationships to Predict Your Romantic Life & Future]
25 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate
Some connections hit different. You don’t have to wonder if it’s love, you just feel safe, seen, and stupidly grateful to exist at the same time as them. These signs go way beyond “we like the same memes.”
If you’re ticking off more than a few, you might’ve found your forever person, no candlelit dinners required.
1. You can sit in total silence… and still feel connected
You don’t need to fill the space. Whether you’re watching a show, folding laundry, or doing absolutely nothing, their presence feels full. That kind of comfort often reflects secure attachment, where safety isn’t dependent on constant interaction.
2. They remember the smallest details about you
Your coffee order. Your irrational fear of crickets. That story you told once three years ago. Their brain just catalogues you. Research on close friendships shows this kind of mind-mapping as a feature of deep empathic attunement.
3. You have emotional telepathy
You text them just as they were about to text you. You know when something’s wrong, even before they say it.
Mirror neuron activity and emotional contagion explain why emotionally synced friends literally feel each other’s states.
📚Source: The mirror mechanism and its role in social cognition, Gallese, V. (2007)
4. You feel energized, not drained, after time together
Unlike draining social events, this person recharges you. Their company feels like plugging into a source, a hallmark of high-quality companionship.
[Read: 32 Fun & Flirty Games to Play Over Text and Connect with Friends]
5. They’ve seen your mess and stayed
They’ve witnessed the breakdowns, the drama, the ugly cries. And they didn’t flinch. That nonjudgmental presence boosts psychological resilience through secure interpersonal bonds.
6. They challenge you, gently, but consistently
Your platonic soulmate won’t just hype you up, they’ll lovingly call you out. If you’re self-sabotaging or dating another walking red flag, they won’t sit back and watch. They’ll push you to evolve, in a way that feels more like being cheered on than judged.
📚Source: Friendship Processes, Berndt, T. J. (2003)
7. You have shared rituals, big or small
Weekly movie nights, 2 a.m. pancake runs, “vent voice notes” over coffee walks, these rituals build predictability and trust. Repeated shared experiences help deepen emotional bonds.
[Read: Strictly Platonic: Why You Should Never Use the Word Friendzone]
8. You fight, but it doesn’t feel like the end
You’ve had disagreements. Maybe even ugly ones. But you both know the friendship will survive. You repair, reconnect, and come out stronger, textbook conflict resolution in high-trust relationships.
9. They’re your emotional GPS
When you’re spiraling, they help you locate the feeling. “You’re not lazy, you’re burnt out.” “That’s not jealousy, it’s grief.” This kind of attuned labeling is key to emotional intelligence and co-regulation.
[Read: Emotional Cheating vs Friendship: The Point When a Line is Crossed]
10. Other people notice your vibe
“Are you two dating?” “You finish each other’s sentences.” Your chemistry is palpable. Even if it’s not romantic, the connection is visible, a blend of synchrony, trust, and emotional closeness.
11. You can be brutally honest without fear
You don’t sugarcoat it. You can say, “You’re being a little toxic,” and they’ll still text you goodnight. Radical honesty, when grounded in safety, deepens emotional bonds.
12. They celebrate your weird
Your niche obsessions, odd dance moves, or that conspiracy theory about pigeons? They don’t just tolerate it, they delight in it. True soulmates give us permission to be wholly ourselves.
[Read: The Perfect Best Friend: 31 Traits that Make One & Why You MUST Have One!]
13. You share an emotional language
A look. A code word. A GIF. You two have built a shared vocabulary, verbal and non-verbal, that helps you navigate the world together.
14. You grieve and heal together
They’ve cried with you over heartbreaks, career rejections, or loss. And you’ve held them through theirs. Mutual co-regulation during distress is a pillar of secure attachment.
15. You make big life decisions with them in mind
You don’t just think about how choices affect you, you factor in them. Whether it’s moving cities, changing jobs, or buying a cat, they’re part of your internal advisory board.
[Read: Are We Dating? 22 Cute Signs You’re More Than Just Friends or a Hookup]
16. Your inside jokes could fill a sitcom season
You two basically speak in your own brand of chaotic shorthand. Half the time, it makes zero sense to outsiders, and that’s kind of the point. Shared humor is one of the strongest predictors of closeness.
17. You root for their wins like they’re your own
When they win, you win. Their joy becomes your joy. Psychologists call this capitalization, when people respond enthusiastically to each other’s good news, it strengthens bonds.
18. You’re not scared to grow apart, because the connection feels unbreakable
Even if you don’t talk daily, or move to different cities, something about the bond feels stable. Secure friendships show high levels of trust in long-term availability.
19. You feel physically safe around them
Not just emotionally safe, your nervous system calms down in their presence. Being near them literally helps regulate your stress response.
[Read: How to Stalk on Social Media & Find Just What You’re Looking for]
20. You can be your worst and still feel loved
Hair unwashed. Life in shambles. Soulmate bestie still makes you feel like Beyoncé. That unconditional regard is the foundation of psychological safety.
21. You have deep conversations, and dumb ones, too
One minute you’re discussing attachment trauma, the next you’re rating snacks out of 10. This balance of depth and play creates intimacy and levity.
22. You’ve changed each other’s lives for the better
You make each other braver, softer, or more self-assured. These aren’t just fun hangouts, they’re transformative.
📚Source: Close relationships and life transitions, Feeney, B. C., & Collins, N. L. (2015)
23. They know the version of you before you “figured it out”
They’ve loved you through identity shifts, cringe phases, and reinventions. Nostalgia plus intimacy creates a uniquely rich connection.
24. You feel like you met for a reason
There’s a sense of fate or cosmic timing. Maybe you met during a chaotic moment. Or reconnected just when you needed them most. That story becomes part of your shared mythology.
[Read: Spiritual Connection: How It Works, the Science & 33 Signs You’re Connected]
25. You wouldn’t trade this bond for anything
Not even romantic love, not even for a million dollars. That’s how you know. It’s rare, it’s soul-affirming, and you’d choose it every time.
Why Platonic Soulmates Are Good for Your Brain and Heart
There’s something biologically comforting about having someone who just gets you. Science agrees, platonic soulmates aren’t just a cute Instagram caption; they’re a legit upgrade for your mental and physical health.
When you’re with someone you feel safe with, your brain actually behaves differently. Studies show that close friendships can reduce levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), boost oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and even help regulate your heartbeat during tough times.
📚Source: Social support and brain activity, Hostinar, C. E., & Gunnar, M. R. (2015)
There’s even research showing that best friends can help us bounce back from rejection or pain more effectively than romantic partners in some cases. In one study, just thinking about a close friend while under stress led to decreased activity in the brain regions associated with fear and threat.
Not to mention, friendship quality has been repeatedly linked to increased life satisfaction, self-esteem, and even physical health outcomes like better sleep and immune function. Your platonic soulmate might not be your spouse, but they could absolutely be your lifesaver.
📚Source: Friendship and subjective well-being across the life span, Demir, M., & Davidson, I. (2013) [Read: Platonic Marriage: What It Is & Why It’s Okay to Marry and Live as Just Friends]
Attachment Styles & Soul-Level Friendships
Not all platonic soulmates feel the same, and a lot of that comes down to attachment style. Yep, the same psychological framework we use to explain romantic behavior also applies to our deepest friendships.
If your friendship feels safe, stable, and honest? Chances are, at least one of you has a secure attachment style. You’re able to give and receive love without fear that one wrong move will end it all.
But it’s also normal to have a soulmate friendship that includes moments of anxiety or avoidance. An anxiously attached person might feel overly worried about being replaced or abandoned.
They might need more reassurance, especially if the other friend starts dating or gets busy. Meanwhile, someone with an avoidant attachment might shut down emotionally, or need more space when things get intense.
[Read: 40 Painful Signs & Reasons Your Friends Are Growing Apart & What to Do]
Here’s the good news: healthy platonic soulmates tend to grow each other. If one friend is anxious and the other is secure, over time, the anxious friend may become more emotionally stable through what psychologists call earned security.
Platonic soulmates don’t need to be perfect. What they need is a willingness to be honest about their emotional needs, and to show up for each other consistently, even when it’s a little messy.
Because real intimacy, romantic or not, isn’t about flawless connection. It’s about safe repair. It’s about saying, “Hey, I know we’re different. But I still choose this bond.”
[Read: Avoidant Attachment Style: The Types, 32 Symptoms & How to Love One]
How to Nurture & Protect Your Platonic Soulmate Bond
Once you’ve found your platonic soulmate, the real magic is in keeping that bond alive. Unlike romance, platonic intimacy isn’t always given the same cultural spotlight, which makes it even more important to actively protect it.
[Read: Platonic Friends: 37 Golden Rules, Pros, Cons & What It Really Means to Be One]
1. Make space for rituals
Weekly catch-ups, birthday surprises, spontaneous road trips, rituals are the emotional glue. They create predictability and show your person they’re a priority. According to psychologists, shared rituals boost feelings of closeness and group identity.
📚Source: Rituals enhance social connection and bonding, Norton, at al., (2013)
2. Name and honor the friendship
Sometimes, just saying it helps. “You’re my platonic soulmate.” “I love this friendship so much.” Naming the bond gives it a place in your life that’s just as valid as any romantic partner. It makes space for recognition and gratitude.
3. Navigate big life changes with honesty
Jobs, relationships, relocations, these can all shake the balance. Make space for intentional check-ins: “How are we doing?” “What do you need from me right now?” Your friendship deserves the same adaptability and care as any long-term relationship.
4. Respect boundaries, and update them as you grow
One of you might start dating. One of you might need more space. Soulmate friendships thrive when there’s space to evolve. Talk about emotional availability, time expectations, and even how you each recharge.
5. Repair when needed
Conflict doesn’t mean the end, but silence often does. When missteps happen, be the first to initiate repair. Use phrases like, “Can we talk about what happened?” or “I miss us.” Vulnerability is the antidote to drift.
True platonic soulmates aren’t just about good vibes, they’re about conscious, loving effort. If it’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of bond, it deserves once-in-a-lifetime kind of care.
[Read: The BIG Secrets to Make Lifelong Friends & Create a Bond that Lasts a Lifetime]
When Platonic Gets Complicated: Crushes, Curiosity & Crossed Wires
Here’s the truth: even in the purest soulmate-level friendships, things can get murky. You might have a dream where you kiss. You might suddenly find them wildly attractive in candlelight. Or maybe they start dating someone new and you feel… weird.
It doesn’t mean your friendship is broken. It means you’re human.
1. When feelings shift
Sometimes, one person in a platonic soulmate bond catches feelings, romantic or sexual. This is more common than we admit. According to research, emotional intimacy can easily mimic romantic chemistry, especially when mixed with vulnerability and shared experiences.
📚Source: Flirtation in platonic and romantic relationships, Kori L. Egland, et al., 2009
If this happens, the key is gentle honesty. Ask yourself: is this just a moment of vulnerability or attraction? Or something deeper? Talk about it before acting on it, not after.
2. If you explore intimacy
Some platonic soulmates do try dating or even physical intimacy. For a few, it strengthens the bond. For others, it creates confusion or distance. The outcome depends entirely on clarity, communication, and why you’re exploring it.
Ask: Are we curious, or compensating for something else missing in our lives? Are we seeking comfort, or connection? Be brutally honest with yourself, and with each other.
3. How to preserve the bond through it
If one person has feelings and the other doesn’t, things might get awkward. But that doesn’t mean the friendship is doomed. Time, boundaries, and mutual care can help you recalibrate.
It’s okay to take space. It’s okay to re-establish emotional limits. And it’s more than okay to say, “I love you deeply, and I still want this friendship, even if it changes a bit.”
Soulmate-level friendships are elastic. They stretch, they bend, they grow with you. The ones that last are the ones that evolve with honesty, not avoidance. [Read: 30 Things It’s Okay to Hate About Your Partner No Matter How You Love Them]
Common Pitfalls of Platonic Soulmates & How to Handle Them
Even soul-deep friendships aren’t immune to bumps. In fact, because platonic soulmates hold such a central space in our lives, the stakes feel even higher when things go off balance. Here’s how to navigate the messier moments.
1. Jealousy, from others or between you
Your romantic partner doesn’t get why you’re so close. Or maybe you feel weird when your platonic soulmate gets a new BFF. Jealousy is often a sign that the bond matters, but it needs honest conversations and clear boundaries.
What helps: Talk about your place in each other’s lives. Reaffirm the bond out loud. Jealousy shrinks when security grows. [Read: 25 Secret Signs of a Jealous Friend & How to Deal With Their Envy]
2. One-sided energy
If one person is always initiating, always giving, always showing up, resentment can quietly build. Friendships thrive on mutuality.
What helps: If you’re the one doing more, speak up early. If you’re the one slipping, check in and recalibrate. Soulmate friendships survive when both people feel seen.
3. Growing apart
Sometimes life gets busy. Jobs change, time zones split, relationships evolve. It’s easy to assume distance equals disinterest.
What helps: Don’t leave too much unsaid. Send the “just thinking of you” texts. Reconnect with intent. The bond can change without disappearing.
4. Codependency risk
Being super close is beautiful, until you start depending on each other for everything. If one person feels responsible for the other’s happiness or can’t make decisions without them, it might be time to zoom out.
What helps: Encourage each other to build other strong bonds. Celebrate independence. A soul-deep friendship should support your identity, not consume it.
[Read: 38 Signs of Codependency & Traits that Make You Clingy and Ways to Break Out]
5. When one person needs space
It can feel like abandonment, especially for someone with anxious attachment. But space isn’t rejection, it’s regulation.
What helps: Clarify the difference between space and distance. Say things like, “I love you, I just need a little solo time this week.”
Platonic soulmates don’t require perfection, they just need mutual care and the courage to have the hard conversations. [Read: Like Someone? 27 Funny, Awkward Things You Can’t Stop Doing]
Pop Culture & TikTok Moments
Pop culture has finally caught up to the idea that not all love stories need a romantic arc. And Gen Z? They’re already rewriting the narrative. Just search #platonicSoulmate on TikTok and you’ll find millions of views on videos celebrating besties, roommate soulmates, and the kind of love that doesn’t need kissing to be epic.
A few examples all of us love:
Eleven and Mike (Stranger Things): Though technically romantic, their bond is built on deep trust and survival.
Abbi and Ilana (Broad City): The platonic gold standard. Ride-or-die besties who grow, fail, and hype each other unapologetically.
Maya and Anna (PEN15): The awkward middle school friendship that captures the intensity and identity fusion of young platonic soulmates.
Real-life TikToks like “My best friend is the love of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for any man” or “When your soulmate is your roommate and she knows your mood by your footsteps.”
Platonic love is no longer the runner-up prize. It’s the main story.
[Read: Aromantic: What It Means, How It Works & 28 Must-Knows about their Love Life]
Platonic Soulmate: Celebrate Your Cosmic Co-Pilot
In a world obsessed with finding “the one,” maybe we need to remember: the one doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. Sometimes, they’re the friend who sees through your chaos, sends you memes that understand your soul, and loves you like it’s a sacred mission.
[Read: Platonic Crush: What It Means, 22 Signs, Pros, Cons & What to Do About It]
Platonic soulmates are rare. But when you find one, nurture it, protect it, name it. And remind them often, “You’re it for me.” Because whether or not you end up walking down an aisle, you already found the kind of forever most people spend their lives searching for.
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