When a girl chooses another guy over you, you feel undesirable and immediately start thinking you’re not good enough for her. You take the rejection personally and fear that the new guy is a more compatible option for her.
This happens because the girl you have feelings for directly or indirectly rejects you and commits to someone else; someone you view as competition.
Because of destroyed self-esteem, she essentially makes you feel unloved and forces your brain to overthink things. It makes you experience so much anxiety that you want to fight for love and make her want you as badly as you want her.
Pain constantly tells you to compete with the person she chose and to coerce her to be with you. But sadly, pain doesn’t tell you that fighting for another person’s attention is wrong.
It’s especially wrong when she’s with someone else already and appears to be happy.
If they’re dating, they want to focus on each other and expect others (including you) to respect them and give them space. Space lets them go through the new relationship stages and prevents them from teaming up against you and resenting you.
As a person who was left behind, you don’t want this person to resent you and tell you to take a hike. If she gets angry and does something to push you away, you’ll feel even more rejected and unwanted than you already feel.
You may even feel that she used you and tricked you into keeping her company. Such thoughts could make you want revenge and force you to do something you’re not proud of.
That’s why you must give her the space she needs and let them have the relationship they want. You can’t stop them by force because they feel infatuated and can’t be separated by people who feel jealous of them.
I know that you don’t want to lose her to someone else, but since she chose another person over you, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind. She won’t be with you if you beg for another chance or threaten her. She’ll just view you in a negative light and feel more determined to stay away from you.
If you text her obsessively, she may even block you and get a restraining order against you.
So don’t fight for a girl’s attention when she’s giving it to someone else. Don’t let her see that you’re desperate for it because it will repel her and make her feel relieved about choosing the new person. Whether you were together for years or never dated, the girl fell in love with someone else and acted on her urges to be with him.
As difficult as it may be, you must accept the fact that she connected with someone else and decided to give that person a try. It’s not personal. She just felt more connected with him and wanted to get closer to him.
She didn’t choose him because you failed to take the initiative and sweep her off her feet but because she looked for different traits in her romantic partner.
It’s hard to say if this person has all the traits she wants, but it does seem that they’re emotionally incompatible. There are other ways in which they may or may not be compatible, but they’ll learn more about them later after they’ve gotten to know each other.
For now, you must remember that she finds certain physical and personality features attractive and that someone else will appreciate you more than she will.
In this article, we talk about what to do when a girl chooses another guy over you.
What to do when a girl chooses another guy over you?
First of all, let’s discuss what not to do when she chooses someone else. Don’t tell her you can make her happier than the guy she chose. If she was receptive to you and could be won over with persuasive arguments, she wouldn’t be dating this guy.
Her focus would be on getting close to you.
Another thing you shouldn’t do is stay in her life and compete for her love and attention. Since she’s attracted to someone else, she won’t pay much attention to you whether you bring her flowers or try to make her jealous.
Any attempts to make her fall in love with you will probably make her think you’re obsessed and desperate and that you deserve someone who loves you in ways you want to be loved.
You also shouldn’t talk to her new partner and try to reason with him or give him bad advice. The guy will find your behavior strange and manipulative and will relay it to the person you want for yourself. This will, in turn, lower her respect for you and make her want to be with you even less.
This is because the guy will look like a catch compared to you. He’ll look more confident (attractive) as he won’t need her as badly as you will.
So if you’re thinking about meddling with their relationship, I strongly recommend not to do so. Don’t think that you can get between them and make them break up. Assuming that you can intervene and prompt a breakup is a risky notion.
Any endeavor in that direction is likely to result in more harm than good.
What you should do when a girl chooses another guy over you instead is immediately back off. If you were dating, tell her you’ll be focusing on yourself and staying busy. That should let her know you respect yourself as well as her new relationship.
On the other hand, if you were friends or acquaintances, figure out if staying close to her is even worth it. It may not be worth it if talking to her and seeing them together hurts you and makes you feel unwanted.
You have every right not to keep the girl in your life. In fact, you probably shouldn’t keep her if she brings out unwanted emotions and shows no interest in being with you romantically. When a girl chooses another guy over you and hurts your feelings, you should protect yourself from additional rejections.
If you don’t step away from the situation, you’ll probably compare yourself to the guy and stay dependent on her for validation and healing. This means you’ll wait for her to acknowledge your worth and fail to regain emotional independence.
After you’ve distanced yourself from them, remind yourself that she’s not the only girl in the world. There are plenty of people who aren’t taken and appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer. Your heart may want this person, but this is because you developed romantic expectations and got attached.
You’ll now need to detach by telling yourself it’s not the end of the world. You’ll get plenty of (better) romantic opportunities with people who actually deserve you and want to be with you. It will take time to fully heal, so until you’re ready, keep yourself occupied with hobbies and activities you enjoy.
Make sure to have a lot going on in your life as a busy life will prevent you from thinking unhealthy thoughts and doing things that push the girl further away. If staying busy doesn’t help, seek support from friends and family.
They will reassure you that the problem isn’t with you and that it isn’t the end of your dating life.
And if you feel like your friends and family don’t understand what you’re going through or aren’t supportive enough, consider seeking professional support. A professional may be able to address why you feel so rejected, give you helpful advice, and let you vent.
Of course, make sure to also use this negative experience to work on yourself. Reflect on your shortcomings and the things you need to improve. It will help you in your next relationship with whomever that may be.
Unfortunately, you shouldn’t tell the girl that she’s made the wrong choice. In her mind, this is the right choice as it’s reinforced with emotions. So respect her decision and do things that concern you and are in your power to control.
Perhaps one day, she’ll be single again and might see you differently.
But since “one day” could be years or decades away, it’s best to get over her and prepare yourself for a new romantic connection with someone else. The new person won’t be her, but that won’t matter because you’ll disconnect from her and be okay with other personality types.
All you can do now is focus on yourself and keep detaching from her. When you’re fully detached, you’ll see that obsessing about someone who doesn’t think the same way about you is a waste of time and effort. It doesn’t give you an advantage in being with her.
It just makes you uneasy and emotionally dependent on her.
So if you want to know what to do when a girl chooses another guy over you, don’t do anything drastic. Don’t tell her you love her more than the new person and that you can make her happier. That will make you look miserable and unattractive.
Instead, accept her decision and decide whether you’re okay with staying close to her or if you need to distance yourself and heal.
It’s not selfish to focus on healing and getting over a person who doesn’t want to be with you. It’s actually a very respectable thing to do as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process. The girl might not want that, especially if she wants to keep you around for convenience, but she’ll have to accept it just like you did.
She’ll have to see that she can’t have the cake and eat it too.
Don’t worry too much about what she’ll think and feel after you’ve pulled away. If she’s with someone else, she’s in love and doesn’t need your pity. She’s doing just fine.
That said, here’s what to do when a girl chooses another guy over you.
Don’t date for a while
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a romantic rejection is that they start dating again. They don’t take the time to get over the person they desire, so they rebound and feel worse.
The unhappiness with the rebound person then makes them think that the person they dated before is their perfect match and that they lost someone amazing.
Consequently, they get anxious and spiral into depression. Due to two consecutive romantic failures, they convince themselves they’ll never be happy and that they should have done a better job at being with the person they idolize.
So if a girl chose another guy over you and you want the pain to stop, don’t download a dating app and try to replace the girl with someone else. You won’t be able to replace her if you download the app for the sole purpose of feeling better.
You should date again only when you’re 80% over the person who rejected you. That’s when you can get close to someone you like and let that person help you completely forget your previous love interest.
You can tell you’re ready to date again when you don’t feel anxious and depressed anymore and want to be in a relationship to contribute to it rather than take from it.
You can talk to other women if you’d like but do draw a line between dating and talking to them. Make sure not to connect with them and seek romantic validation from them as it will likely make you miss the girl more.
When you miss her, surround yourself with other people and rely on them for support. People in general should help you keep your mind off the girl and encourage you to get over her.
Did you learn what to do when a girl chooses another guy over you? Do you have any tips of your own to share? Post them in the comments section below.
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