I just read a funny feature on “10 realistic sex tips” that’ll make you re-evaluate your own relationship.
Ok, I get it that things can get stale after some time, but it won’t get THAT boring if you’ve been together for “at least six months.”
Then again, I’m probably taking myself too seriously because a quick browse through the author’s “advice” proves that she’s anything BUT serious.
(Retroactive warning: their list is a bit cheeky, so it’s not the best page to open at work.)
Although it doesn’t actually talk a whole lot about sex, the satirical post does make some valid points between the humor.
To me, what the article really wanted to say is:
If you focus on building an actual relationship based on emotional stability, great sex is going to be a given (and these tips wouldn’t apply to you).
If there’s a REAL connection between you, you’ll always be on fire under the sheets.
This is true even if you forgot to shave your legs for a couple of days or no matter how much he likes wearing that faded, ratty shirt from his college years.
On a general note, I think it also talks about the main problem with a lot of couples.
They tend to be too focused on all those mushy, romantic feelings in beginning of the relationship – so much so that they think it’s enough to keep them going through the years.
But that couldn’t be farther from the reality of being in a relationship. Those feelings of passion will level out, you’ll get on each other’s nerves with your annoying habits, and your differences will emerge.
It’s not something you should worry about though. It’s just a natural part of growing together.
With enough time, care and maturity, you’ll fall deeper in love with each other.
So, you’ll want to keep your eye on some key areas in your relationship, such as:
- The way you argue: do you seek to tear each other down instead of understanding the issue you’re fighting about? Take note if one of you is more interested in attacking the other instead of the problem.
- Are you on the same page when it comes to your shared goals? This is where most of your differences lie; make sure you’re moving in the same direction as far as your relationship is concerned.
- How well do you know each other on a “micro level”? Are you aware of what’s been bothering your partner at work, what he wants to accomplish in the next few months, or the names of his high school friends that he sees every other week?
- How well do you handle your differences? What usually happens when you’re not on the same page with your values and principles? Are you able to influence each other, or do you have trouble accepting your individual perspectives?
There’s probably more, but these points are definitely going to matter within the first year of your relationship. Don’t feel bad though if you feel like you’re not doing as well as you’d like in these areas.
It’s all part of the growing process. You can still work on these points as you go along, so just take it as it comes.
By the way, you might want to look into learning your man’s Connection Style. It’s something I’ve been teaching my clients, and it’s improved their relationships big time.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo
