37 Signs of Separation Anxiety in a Relationship to Watch For

It might seem cute at first but separation anxiety in a relationship can ruin an otherwise beautiful partnership.

Have you ever found yourself constantly checking your phone as it buzzes every five minutes with bae asking where you are or what you’re doing and why it takes you forever to respond? While it might seem ‘awww’ cute to find your new lover a tad bit clingy, this could be a sign of something more serious—separation anxiety in a relationship. [Read: Combat your relationship paranoia in 8 simple steps]

What is Separation Anxiety in Relationships?

What exactly is this separation anxiety in a relationship? It is when the thought of being apart from your partner triggers significant stress or emotional turmoil.

We’re talking about more than just missing someone. It’s an intense emotional response that can be debilitating at times. [Read: Relationship anxiety – what it is, 44 signs, feelings, and ways to get over it]

Before you self-diagnose and dive into the Internet abyss of “do I have separation anxiety?”, let’s clear something up. General anxiety is like that annoying friend who shows up uninvited and overstays their welcome, right?

It can pertain to anything and everything. Separation anxiety in a relationship, on the other hand, is specifically tied to the absence or potential absence of your romantic partner.

And don’t confuse it with codependency either. While codependency typically involves mutual emotional dependence, separation anxiety might affect just one partner, even if the other is unfazed by distance. [Read: Why am I codependent? 37 reasons and signs you overstep boundaries in love]

One prime example is oxytocin, endearingly referred to as “the cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin can elevate your sense of bonding and attachment, making its absence feel like you’re missing a part of yourself. [Read: Why oxytocin can be toxic to flawed relationships]

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Separation Anxiety in a Relationship

You might be thinking, “Do I actually have separation anxiety in a relationship or am I just overly affectionate?”

Good question! Let’s have a look at the telling signs that might indicate you’re dealing with more than just common pangs of loneliness.

1. Excessive Texting and Checking Your Phone

If you find yourself sending five texts for every one you receive, you might be straying into separation anxiety territory. [Read: 24 secrets to be patient in a new relationship and avoid risking a new love]

The thought process here usually involves the idea that more messages could bridge the emotional or physical distance between you and your partner. But spoiler alert: it rarely does.

2. Overthinking and Imagining Worst-Case Scenarios

Ever thought your partner has been abducted by aliens just because they didn’t reply within 2 minutes?

Yeah, it sounds absurd, but that overactive imagination could be a sign of separation anxiety in a relationship. [Read: 38 secrets to stop overthinking, what it looks like, signs, and the fastest fixes]

Overthinking often leads to making a mountain out of a molehill, turning a harmless situation into a cause for emotional unrest.

3. Emotional Distress When Apart

Feeling lost or genuinely upset when your partner is away? While it’s perfectly normal to miss them, if your mood and happiness heavily depend on their presence, this emotional turmoil could be another sign of separation anxiety.

4. Unfounded Jealousy or Possessiveness

You might find yourself in a frenzy of jealousy over minor things, like them spending time with friends or even just being busy. [Read: 46 secrets to stop feeling jealous for no reason and learn to live envy-free]

This often comes from a fear of being replaced or overshadowed, and it can wreak havoc on your peace of mind.

5. Difficulty in Concentrating on Other Tasks

Trying to focus on work or a hobby, but find yourself drifting back to thoughts of your partner? This inability to concentrate is more than just love-struck daydreaming, it might be separation anxiety affecting your cognitive function.

6. Sudden Mood Swings

One minute you’re hopeful that everything is fine and the next you’re drowning in a sea of doubt. [Read: Why are girls so moody? 17 reasons and ways to help her deal with them]

If you find your emotional state oscillating like a yo-yo, this could be a result of separation anxiety impacting your emotional regulation.

7. Over-Attachment to Digital Reminders

Constantly re-reading old texts, looking at photos, or sniffing a shirt they left behind might signal you’re seeking a digital or sensory surrogate for your partner. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with reminiscing, but if it becomes a compulsion, this is another sign of separation anxiety in a relationship.

8. Avoidance of Other Relationships

You start declining invites to hang out with friends or family, not because you’re busy, but because you’re just on standby in case your partner contacts you. [Read: 17 Swoon-worthy signs you’re in love with him and totally obsessed]

This self-imposed isolation isn’t just a social life killer; it’s a glaring sign of separation anxiety in a relationship. You essentially put other relationships on the back burner, giving undue precedence to your partner.

9. Compulsive Checking of Social Media

You find yourself hitting refresh on your partner’s Instagram or Twitter every few minutes. While it’s normal to be curious, compulsive checking crosses into the territory of separation anxiety.

This behavior stems from a need to feel close or connected, even if it’s just digitally, and can result in emotional turmoil if you interpret something the “wrong” way. [Read: Social media and relationships – 47 rules, etiquette, and where couples go wrong]

10. Emotional Eating or Loss of Appetite

Ever reach for a tub of ice cream or suddenly realize you haven’t eaten all day when your partner is away?

Emotional eating or, conversely, a loss of appetite can be indicative of separation anxiety in a relationship. These drastic changes in eating habits are often your body’s physical response to emotional imbalance.

11. Preoccupation with Time

You find yourself constantly glancing at the clock or setting countdown timers for when you’ll see your partner next. [Read: Infatuation – the definition, how to break out, and 47 signs you’re deeply infatuated]

This fixation on time isn’t just about anticipation; it’s an obsessive behavior that arises from separation anxiety. Time becomes less of a construct and more of an emotional tether to your partner.

12. Difficulty Sleeping

If you find yourself tossing and turning, unable to get some good ol’ shut-eye when your partner is away, take note. Difficulty sleeping can be more than just a restless night; it can indicate separation anxiety in a relationship.

Your bed becomes an emotional battlefield, where the enemy is the very absence of your partner. [Read: Anxious personality – 7 reasons to date an anxious person]

13. Need for Constant Reassurance

If you constantly need to hear that everything is okay, that they love you, and that they’re not leaving you, take a pause.

The need for constant reassurance can be exhausting for both you and your partner and is often rooted in separation anxiety. You seek a verbal plaster for an emotional wound that seems to re-open in their absence.

14. Fearing the Worst in Their Silence

When you don’t hear back immediately, do you imagine they’re ghosting you or have met with some terrible fate? [Read: Stop texting first – 17 secrets to make dating more fun and less stressful]

This catastrophic thinking usually signifies an unhealthy level of separation anxiety in a relationship. It’s as if your mind decides to screen the worst romantic drama, starring you and your unsent text messages.

15. Irrational Anger or Frustration

Ever find yourself snapping at others or even your partner for minor things when you’re apart? This irrational anger is like the misdirected emotional steam from the boiling pot of your separation anxiety.

It’s less about the issue at hand and more about the emotional turbulence you’re experiencing. [Read: 22 Secrets to stop being so angry, calm your mind, and stop hurting yourself]

16. Emotional Dependency on Routine

If you find solace in routines that involve your partner—like nightly calls or morning texts—missing them even once can spiral you into emotional chaos.

This isn’t just a love for consistency but your mind craving that emotional “fix,” making it another sign of separation anxiety in a relationship.

17. Withdrawing from Activities You Love

Let’s say you love painting, but you find yourself setting your brush aside more and more when your partner’s not around. [Read: How to be emotionally independent and stop using others for happiness]

If your interests take a backseat, and all you can think about is the absence of your partner, that’s a red flag. Your happiness shouldn’t be tied solely to one person.

18. Seeking Professional Help for Emotional Health

This might seem like a solution, but if you find yourself consulting self-help books or therapists solely based on the anxiety caused by your partner’s absence, you’re recognizing that your emotional state needs attention.

While it’s proactive, it can also point to the extent of your separation anxiety in a relationship. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]

19. Overcompensating in Presence

It’s one thing to cherish every moment with your partner, especially in a long-distance relationship, but if you feel the need to make every minute an event with no downtime to just hang out, you might be overcompensating for time spent apart.

Remember, it’s totally okay to just chill with your partner— relaxing together is not a waste of time.

20. Creating “Emergency” Situations

Ever find yourself creating small emergencies or issues to get your partner’s attention when they’re away? Whether it’s a forgotten item or a made-up concern, these ’emergencies’ are often a cry for emotional proximity and are indicative of separation anxiety in a relationship.

This might sound ridiculous, but it could be things like pretending you’re suddenly super sick or claiming your car won’t start—just to draw their focus back to you. [Read: Attention seeker – 25 signs, behavior and psychology of drama-loving people]

Major Causes of Separation Anxiety in a Relationship

Now that we’ve delved into the signs, let’s talk about why someone might find themselves caught in the sticky web of separation anxiety in a relationship.

Because let’s face it, it didn’t just materialize out of thin air. Understanding the “why” can sometimes be the first step toward finding a solution.

1. Childhood Attachments and How They Play a Role

Oh, the shadow of our past! According to attachment theory, the way we connected *or didn’t* with our caregivers as kiddos can lay the foundation for how we relate in romantic relationships. [Read: Attachment styles theory – 4 types and 19 signs and ways you attach to others]

Whether it was an overly doting mom or an emotionally distant dad, these childhood experiences often set the stage for separation anxiety in relationships later in life.

2. Previous Traumatic Experiences in Relationships

Hey, we’ve all got baggage, but sometimes that baggage is more like a shipping container of emotional turmoil. Past relationships that ended in betrayal, loss, or emotional pain can make us excessively cautious and anxious in new relationships.

You’re not just carrying your heart on your sleeve— you’re wrapping it in layers of past experiences. [Read: Trauma bonding in relationships – 35 signs and secrets to unmask and escape]

3. Lack of Self-Esteem and Intrinsic Validation

Ever hear the saying, “You can’t love someone until you love yourself?” Well, it’s not just a cute bumper sticker, it’s psychology gold.

If your self-worth is tied solely to how someone else views you, that’s a one-way ticket to separation anxiety town. Intrinsic validation—finding worth within oneself—is key to maintaining emotional balance in a relationship.

4. Fear of Abandonment

If the mere thought of your partner leaving you sends shivers down your spine, you’re likely dealing with a fear of abandonment. [Read: Abandonment issues – what it is, causes, types, 34 signs, and how it hurts you]

This deeply rooted concern often fuels separation anxiety in a relationship. It makes every “see you later” feel like a “goodbye,” turning short periods apart into emotional ordeals.

5. Communication Gaps

You know, it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. And sometimes, the issue may lie in how poorly you and your partner communicate.

Misunderstandings and lack of open dialogue can lead to a buildup of anxiety. Your mind fills in the blanks—and not always accurately—resulting in separation anxiety. [Read: Relationship stress – how it feels, 38 signs, and best ways to fix it as a couple]

6. Overthinking and Mental Filtering

Overthinking and focusing only on negative aspects— known in psychology as mental filtering— can amplify anxiety. These cognitive distortions can serve as rocket fuel for separation anxiety in a relationship.

Ways to Deal With Separation Anxiety in a Relationship

Now that we’ve dissected the ‘what’ and ‘why,’ it’s high time to dive into the ‘what do we do about it’ part. Because, come on, knowing is only half the battle, right? [Read: Does he miss me? 55 signs and ways a guy shows a girl he’s thinking of her]

The real challenge lies in taking actionable steps to manage and overcome separation anxiety in a relationship. 

1. Self-Awareness

The first step toward any change is recognizing there’s a problem. Take note of the signs we discussed earlier and be honest with yourself.

Are you ticking too many boxes? If yes, admitting that you’re experiencing separation anxiety in a relationship is your first action item. Ignorance may be bliss, but not when it holds you back! [Read: 25 Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

2. Open Communication

A key component of any healthy relationship is open and honest communication. If you’re experiencing separation anxiety, sit down with your partner and have a heartfelt chat.

But, and it’s a big but, ensure you don’t make them feel cornered or guilty for your emotional state. The point is to find solutions together, not to allocate blame.

3. Seeking Distraction

Remember how you used to love painting or hiking? Well, it’s time to dust off those easels and hiking boots. [Read: Best friend bucket list – 66 Unforgettable and fun things to do with your besties!]

Engaging in activities you love can serve as a healthy distraction and give you a sense of identity outside of your relationship. You’re not just someone’s partner; you’re a fascinating individual, and that individuality can combat separation anxiety.

4. Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation

Ever heard of Dialectical Behavior Therapy *DBT*? It teaches mindfulness and emotional regulation.

Basically, you may not be able to control that initial wave of anxiety, but you can control how you react to it. Deep breaths, staying in the moment, and not catastrophizing can go a long way in managing separation anxiety in a relationship. [Read: Plutchik’s wheel of emotions – how to read and decode your emotional wheel]

5. Breathing Exercises

Take a deep breath; now let it out. Sounds simple, but the power of controlled breathing should never be underestimated.

Breathing exercises like the 4-7-8 technique can help calm your nervous system and reduce anxiety. Yes, it won’t solve the root problem, but it’s a nifty tool to have in your emotional toolbox.

6. Positive Affirmations

Sometimes, you just have to be your own cheerleader. Remind yourself that your partner loves you and isn’t, say, running off to join the circus without you. [Read: 45 Secrets to be more positive and fill your mind with positive emotions 24/7]

Positive affirmations can help shift your mindset from one of scarcity and fear to one of gratitude and confidence, helping to alleviate separation anxiety.

7. Focusing on Tangible Realities

When our mind starts spiraling, it often goes into the realm of the hypothetical. Bringing yourself back to the tangible facts can be an antidote to this.

For example, instead of worrying about why your partner hasn’t texted back, focus on what you know: they’re at work, they love you, and they’ve always returned your texts before. [Read: Being left on read – what it really means when they don’t text back]

Signs That It’s Time to Consult a Psychologist

Let’s talk about a super important topic that often gets swept under the rug: when to seek professional help for separation anxiety in a relationship. Because hey, sometimes we can’t do it all on our own, and that’s okay!

1. When It Starts Affecting Your Daily Life and Mental Health

So, you’ve tried all the tips and tricks, and yet, the anxiety just won’t budge.

If it’s to the point where you’re struggling to focus at work, maintain other relationships, or even enjoy life’s simple pleasures, it’s time to call in the pros. [Read: Relationship is making you depressed – is it time to move on?]

Trust us, there’s no shame in needing a helping hand.

2. If There’s Deterioration in Relationship Quality

If you’ve noticed that your separation anxiety is causing frequent arguments, misunderstandings, or a general decline in the quality of your relationship, it may be time to seek external help.

Therapists are like emotional referees— they can help you understand the rules and navigate the game better.

3. When Your Coping Mechanisms Are Unhealthy

Let’s face it, we all have our vices. [Read: How to calm yourself down – 7 instant hacks that work like a charm]

But if you find yourself resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive drinking, emotional eating, or even risky behaviors to deal with your separation anxiety, professional guidance is not just advisable—it’s essential.

4. Persistent or Intense Emotional Distress

If you’re experiencing persistent sadness, extreme emotional ups and downs, or depressive episodes tied to your separation anxiety, consult a psychologist.

Mental health should never be taken lightly, and these could be signs of deeper emotional issues that need expert attention. [Read: 32 truths to emotionally detach from someone and not feel hurt anymore]

It’s All About Balance

Now, the most important takeaway? Separation anxiety is common, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live in a constant state of “What if they leave me?!”

You’ve got the power to take charge of your emotional well-being, and honestly, that’s a superpower in itself.

Sure, relationships are a significant part of life, but they shouldn’t be your whole life. Your mental and emotional health matters.

[Read: High self-esteem – 32 low signs, what hurts self-worth, and secrets to pump it]

So, if you’ve recognized the signs of separation anxiety in your relationship, don’t let it fester. Be proactive, seek help if needed, and take steps to manage it before it takes a toll on an otherwise beautiful relationship.