Rejection stings, but we all go through it. But in today’s digital dating world, we’re also feeling it more than ever. These 6 tips can help you get over rejection and bounce back stronger than ever.
Rejection – we all hate it, right?
It stings, can be embarrassing, and can make us question our worth. It’s no wonder that some people would rather forgo happiness rather than risk rejection.
Whether it’s being left unread, being ghosted after a first (or second, or third) date, or the dreaded, “I like you as a friend…” rejection, it all hits a nerve. And in our world of swiping, DMing, PMing, and matching, we seem to face rejection more than ever.
Here’s the good news, though – rejection really isn’t a referendum on you, you’re personality, or your worth as a person. And it’s something you can learn to handle with clarity, strength, and confidence.
Yes – We Are Facing More Rejection Than Ever Before
In the past, you may have asked someone out at work or met through a mutual friend. That didn’t mean there would automatically be a connection between you, but because there was more social context and less anonymity, rejection wasn’t immediate.
Now, with apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, you can send dozens of messages in a day as suggestions for matches are received, and, sadly, most will go unanswered.
Is it because you’re a hideous troll and generally undesirable?
Absolutely not. Although it may sometimes feel that way.
No, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s the increase in volume of contacts and opportunities for rejection that’s the issue. And the nature of digital contact allows for,
- Anonymity
- Guilt-free lack of response
- Normalized ghosting
So, yes, we are getting rejected more, but not because there’s anything wrong with us or because we’re any less desirable. It’s the game that’s changed.
The key is learning how to play the game without rejection crushing your spirit and forcing you to embrace being forever single.
The following tips can assist with that process.
Tip #1: Separate rejection from self-worth
Just because someone isn’t interested in dating you doesn’t mean you’re unworthy, unattractive, or unlovable.
It simply means they’re not the right person for you.
It could be a matter of time, life stage, their emotional availability, or many other factors that have nothing to do with you.
We often take rejection as a personal attack when, in fact, it’s most often about the other person. In the case of online dating and digital connections, “It’s not you, it’s me” can be a valid sentiment.
Tip #2: Don’t globalize the rejection
Getting rejected can feel like a big, fat NO to you and everything about you. And it can be really easy to think that “no” is representative of the way everyone feels about you. You’re just a big NO magnet.
You’re not.
This isn’t about the world saying no to you – it’s just a moment in time when someone else’s story brushed up against yours and kept moving.
So, don’t globalize the rejection.
Tip #3: Feel it, then let it go
When someone rejects you, you’re allowed to feel disappointed and frustrated. You’re also allowed to wonder what happened and embrace feeling upset.
The idea that men have to be emotionally stoic and numb in the face of rejection is outdated and harmful. Bottling it up doesn’t make you tough – it just lets those feelings fester and resurface later as bitterness or defensiveness.
So, feel it, but put a limit on the spiral.
Give yourself a night, a week, or whatever works, then shift gears.
She said no – you now have to move on.
Tip #4: Keep it dignified
It can be very tempting to try to get the last blow.
- “Your loss.”
- “Wow, I guess you were just wasting my time.”
- “Like you could do better – whatever.”
Don’t do it.
Lashing out doesn’t hurt them, it hurts you and your integrity.
You can’t control whether someone ghosts you, but you can control how you respond. So, respect yourself enough not to give in to childish behavior. Your silence will speak volumes.
Of course, if she offers a kind rejection like “Hey, I’m not feeling a romantic connection,” it’s nice to respond with class. A simple, “Thanks for being honest. Good luck with things,” is all it takes.
Tip #5: See the signs for change
Sometimes, rejections are simply a matter of bad luck or bad timing, but other times there might be something to learn.
Maybe your profile isn’t sending the right message, your posts are off-putting, or you simply don’t have enough information there.
So, consider using rejection as an opportunity to make changes when it makes sense.
Tip #6: Live your life
The best antidote to rejection is living your best life.
Don’t let your identity be tied up in being chosen or needing validation from a woman.
Rejection will always be hard, but when your life is rich with friends, hobbies, and purpose, rejection can be a speed bump and not a roadblock.
Remember, rejection is part of the game, but it doesn’t have to break you. In fact, when handled with emotional maturity and self-respect, rejection can build you up by strengthening your boundaries and teaching you resilience.
You’re not defined by who says yes or no. You’re defined by how you show up for yourself, and eventually, for the right person.
So, swipe on. And keep being the kind of guy who knows his worth, regardless of who sees it right away. Dating should be because you want to share your life with someone, not because you need someone to make your life feel worth living.
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