Growth vs. Fixed Mindset
When it comes to becoming a more positive person, mindset isn’t just a buzzword—it’s foundational. One of the most powerful mindset distinctions that can change your entire emotional experience is the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. If you’re not familiar, here’s what that means:
A fixed mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, or personality traits are set in stone. It says: “This is just the way I am.” People with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges, take feedback personally, and are more likely to give up when things get hard—because they believe those struggles are evidence of inadequacy.
On the flip side, a growth mindset is the belief that skills and qualities can be developed. With a growth mindset, setbacks become stepping stones. Feedback becomes fuel. It says: “I’m not there yet—but I can get there with effort and learning.”
Now here’s the twist: while growth mindset is widely celebrated (and rightly so), the goal isn’t to shame fixed-mindset thinking or pretend everything is possible. Sometimes, realism is necessary! For example, if I decide tomorrow that I’m going to become an Olympic gymnast at my age… probably not happening. That’s not negative thinking, it’s self-awareness.
The key to changing your mindset is balance. A growth mindset isn’t about magical thinking—it’s about believing in your ability to grow where it matters most. If you’re feeling stuck in negative thoughts, emotional ruts, or unhelpful patterns in your relationships, you’re not broken. You’re just running an outdated mental script—and you can update it.
Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary
Let’s talk emotional literacy. If you want to be a more emotionally positive person, a crucial first step is learning to understand what you’re feeling in the first place.
Most of us were never taught how to do this. We grow up labeling every unpleasant feeling as “stress” or “anxiety,” and every pleasant feeling as “happy” or “excited.” That’s like trying to describe the world with only five colors—it’s flat, vague, and limiting.
Your emotional vocabulary is your internal compass. The more precisely you can identify what you’re feeling, the more effectively you can respond to it. For example:
- Frustration usually means something’s blocking your goals.
- Disappointment reflects a gap between expectations and reality.
- Sadness shows up when we’ve lost something important.
- Guilt may arise when our actions clash with our values.
See how different those are? Yet so often, we lump them all together and just say “I feel bad.”
Here’s one of my favorite tools to start improving your emotional vocabulary: the Emotion Wheel (or Mood Meter). It helps you identify not just what you’re feeling, but how intensely you’re feeling it—and whether the emotion is generally pleasant or unpleasant. That kind of nuance is a game-changer.
When you can name it, you can work with it. You might realize you’re not “stressed”—you’re actually overwhelmed, disappointed, or underappreciated. Each of those feelings has a different root cause… and a different solution. This is emotional intelligence in action, and it’s the foundation of emotional empowerment.
Becoming Anti-Fragile: Growth Through Challenge
Here’s the truth that doesn’t get talked about enough: happiness and positivity aren’t about avoiding hard things. They’re about becoming the kind of person who can handle hard things without falling apart.
That’s what it means to be anti-fragile.
If something is fragile, it breaks under pressure. If it’s resilient, it bounces back. But if it’s anti-fragile, it actually gets stronger through challenge and adversity.
You become anti-fragile when you stop avoiding discomfort and start building the skills to walk through it with courage, confidence, and clarity. That might look like:
- Facing tough conversations instead of avoiding them.
- Sitting with anxiety or sadness without trying to “fix” it right away.
- Practicing self-compassion when things don’t go as planned.
- Reflecting on failures and asking, “What did this teach me?”
Anti-fragility isn’t about being unbothered. It’s about being fully human—feeling all the feelings, and still choosing to grow.
One of the most powerful tools for building anti-fragility is mental contrasting—intentionally imagining not just best-case scenarios, but also the obstacles that might get in your way. When you prepare for discomfort instead of pretending it won’t happen, you’re not thrown off course when it shows up. You’re ready. And you trust yourself to handle it.
This level of emotional strength takes practice. But the good news? It’s learnable. You don’t have to be born with “thick skin” or some magical bounce-back gene. You just need the right mindset, the right tools, and the willingness to show up for yourself—even when it’s hard.
Ready to Feel More Positive (For Real This Time)?
If any of this resonates with you and you’re thinking, “Okay… yes. I want this. But I don’t know where to start,” I’ve got you.
This is exactly the kind of work we do every day at Growing Self. Whether you’re dealing with personal growth blocks, relationship dynamics, or just trying to feel happier and more balanced in your life—we can help.
I’d love for you to schedule a free consultation with one of our expert therapists or coaches. We’ll help you get matched with someone who specializes in exactly what you’re needing right now. And even if you’re not ready to dive in fully, that first call can help you get clear on your next step.
You can also find me over on Instagram and YouTube, where I’m sharing new tools and strategies every week to help you create love, happiness, and success in your life. I’d love to connect with you—especially during one of our upcoming livestreams (12p MT on Thursdays)! Come say hi. 🌱
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: If you thought “Wow, this was helpful” at any point while reading… think about someone in your life who might need to hear this too. Forward it to a friend who could use a little more light in their day. We all need reminders sometimes, and your kindness might be exactly what they need right now.
Resources:
Fredrickson, B. L. (2003). The value of positive emotions: The emerging science of positive psychology is coming to understand why it’s good to feel good. American scientist, 91(4), 330-335. https://www.jstor.org/stable/27858244
Irvin, K. M., Bell, D. J., Steinley, D., & Bartholow, B. D. (2022). The thrill of victory: Savoring positive affect, psychophysiological reward processing, and symptoms of depression. Emotion, 22(6), 1281. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-87570-001
Dweck, C. (2016). What having a “growth mindset” actually means. Harvard business review, 13(2), 2-5. https://www.academia.edu/download/56500411/What_Having_a_Growth_Mindset_Actually_Means.pdf
Steiner, C. (1984). Emotional literacy. Transactional Analysis Journal, 14(3), 162-173. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/036215378401400301
