How to Get Over a Breakup

Breakup Advice for How to Get Over a Breakup

Today I’m sharing advice on how to get over a breakup. If you’re going through a breakup, I don’t have to tell you that they’re hard. You can’t just turn your attachments off like a light switch. It takes time, intention, and hard work to move on from a serious relationship. When I decided to become a marriage counselor, I had no idea how much I would learn about how to help people heal from a breakup or divorce. After all, this career is about helping couples fix their problems and reignite their love for each other, right? 

The truth is, breakups happen — marriage counseling or not. Sometimes one partner just decides they want out, no matter what, and sometimes a situation gets so toxic that a breakup really is the best option.

In these cases, the best thing your counselor can do is be a source of support, comfort, and guidance as you take the first steps into your new life after your relationship.

That’s how I accidentally became a breakup recovery expert and how I became a passionate advocate for people on the path of recovery from failed relationships. So much so that I wrote a book on the subject, “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love.”

Since then, I’ve been getting lots of questions from readers and listeners. So today, I decided to devote a podcast to answering them. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking all about breakups — particularly how to deal with the hardest parts and serious dilemmas like:

1. How do you know when a relationship is really over, or whether it’s worth trying again?
2. How to handle friends and family who may be getting frustrated with you in an on-again, off-again situation?
3. How to set boundaries with well-meaning people who have very definite ideas about how you should handle things, when you feel differently?
4. How to deal with the enormous emotional pain of a breakup? 
5. How to cope with regret over the mistakes you made that may have led to the end of your relationship?

So if you’ve been stuck on your Ex for too long and wondering how to detach from someone you love, listen to this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast to get some new ideas and guidance on how to let go and move on — for good.

Episode Highlights

Falling in Love and Breaking Up

• Falling in love is like developing an addiction. 
• Hence, breaking up feels like withdrawal. 
• Knowing these things can help you on your path to recovery, especially if you feel that your breakup is not “normal.”

How to Prevent Relapse

• Abstinence is the key to addiction recovery, including being addicted to love. 
• However, this can be hard for exaholics. They justify their actions, saying that there is nothing wrong with being in love. 
• You first have to recognize that the relationship is really over for you to move on.
• When you understand that you are going through withdrawal from an addiction, you can begin to deal with your situation differently.  

Relapse Versus Actually Trying

• When thinking about getting back together with an ex, think about how your situation has changed.
• Have they changed for the better? Have you also changed the way you view your partner? 
• Also, know that relapse can be a necessary part of the healing process.

Dealing with Friends and Family

• It can be painful for your loved ones to see you hurt yourself over and over because of a relationship. 
• There are people who will understand and who won’t. If you are still unable to let go of your ex, set boundaries with the latter.
• You can also seek therapy or coaching to get support without any judgment. 

Coping with Pain and Regret

• Pain is a normal and inevitable part of recovery. Allow yourself to feel it; avoiding your grief will only prolong the healing process.
• Regret is one of the most painful parts of making mistakes. Regret is also one of life’s best teachers. 
• As hard as it can be, learn to embrace the pain and let it fuel your growth. 
• If the pain becomes too overwhelming, connect with a therapist who can help you recover.

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC( PhD, LP, LMFT, BCC )

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