How to Love Yourself After a Breakup
1. Name the Pattern and Take Your Power Back
You’ve been giving your power away — to your ex, to the relationship, to the story in your head. Healing starts when you say: “This is not who I want to be anymore.” If you’re obsessing over your ex, here’s a great article to break that cycle.
2. Recognize the Addiction
That craving for validation from your ex? It’s a dopamine hit. Reframing this connection as an addiction to a toxic relationship is powerful because it helps you stop moralizing your pain and start treating it. You’re not weak. You’re hooked. And recovery is possible.
3. Find Real Support
Don’t do this alone. Shame thrives in isolation. Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a breakup recovery support group like the Growth Collective in my Heal From Heartbreak Program, you need people in your corner who won’t judge you for crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.
4. Start Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love
Self-love isn’t bubble baths and chocolate (though those help). It’s extending self-compassion to yourself and then setting boundaries. It’s saying no to crumbs of attention. It’s refusing to check their Instagram, again. You don’t have to feel confident to start — just act like someone who deserves better. (You do.)
Need help getting your groove back? Start with this piece on taking your power back after a breakup.
5. Do Hard Things to Earn Your Respect Back
Self-love also isn’t just about positive affirmations. It’s about doing things that make you proud of who you are. Like blocking their number. Like journaling instead of texting. Like going to the gym instead of driving past their house. Every time you do something aligned with your values, you rebuild your trust in you.
More on that in my article about why therapy alone may not be enough for breakup recovery.
A Guided Path Through Heartbreak
If this all hits home, I created the Heal From Heartbreak Recovery Program for people just like you. Whether you’re replaying the breakup a hundred times a day, trying to figure out how to let go of your ex, or want to learn how to love yourself after a breakup, this self-paced program gives you the tools, structure, and support to truly heal — not just survive.
You can walk step-by-step through the Growth Academy with me, join our Growth Collective for weekly group coaching calls, or work 1:1 with a heartbreak recovery coach who’s also a licensed therapist.
This isn’t just about getting over them. It’s about getting yourself back.
👉 You can start the path to wholeness now. Join the program and rediscover the real you today.
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. Healing your low self esteem after breakup pain is just one stage of the healing process. If you want to find out what stage of healing you’re in and a personalized action plan to move forward, check out my breakup recovery quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You?
Also, know someone who’s stuck in the self-esteem spiral after a breakup? Please, send this their way. It could be the lifeline they need. Let’s help each other heal and grow.
Resources:
Zhang, J. W., & Chen, S. (2017). Self-compassion promotes positive adjustment for people who attribute responsibility of a romantic breakup to themselves. Self and Identity, 16(6), 732-759. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2017.1305985
Krisnamurthi, P. B. U., & Hanum, L. (2021, April). The effectiveness of online group cognitive and behavioral therapy on self-esteem and forgiveness in young adult women after romantic relationship break up. In International Conference on Psychological Studies (ICPSYCHE 2020) (pp. 38-45). Atlantis Press. https://www.atlantis-press.com/proceedings/icpsyche-20/125955809
Sbarra, D. A., Smith, H. L., & Mehl, M. R. (2012). When leaving your ex, love yourself: Observational ratings of self-compassion predict the course of emotional recovery following marital separation. Psychological science, 23(3), 261-269. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797611429466
