How to Use Redefinition to Control Your Time and Energy

While I’ve worked with many creative wildfires, walking different journeys, I have noticed some types of person tend to be pretty good at redefinition. Whether innate or learned, this skill allows us to take back control of our world.

‘Redefinition’ is a life approach which centres around our perception and language. Redefining our thoughts focuses on paying attention to the positives or neutrals as well as the negatives. This isn’t the classic “positive thinking.” We avoid that ‘lying to ourselves’ sensation which cam sometimes happen when looking for positives. Even finding neutrals can “reset” us from a negative focus.

Human Nature

One of the key facets of redefining your life, is controlled by where you focus or let your attention stay. Our attention (which we can control with conscious training) has more power over our feelings than we often realise.

I feel our attention is a crucial aspect of control, especially these days when the average “attention span” has decreased from 150 seconds to less than 9 seconds, often attributed to “short-form” video content and the fast-paced “attention-grabbing notification” lifestyle of smartphones. Growing up in the 90s, I remember what it was like to climb trees and read a book for an hour, and my mum’s hatred of the Tamagotchi “bothering us” ‘all the time’.

My memories aside, the key point is that Attention Can Be Trained.

We can teach our brain to attend for longer to tasks by doing tasks beyond when we “want” to do them. Other ‘helpful’ changes include the standard recommendations: disabling phone notifications, making phones less colourful so we get fewer dopamine hits (which our brains want more and more of), and not engaging in short-form content.

As a parent, my partner and I have banned any video under 5 minutes for our daughter to watch and in about 6 months we’ve seen her attention span almost double. It’s stil only 30-seconds or so for a novel thing, but it’s trending in the right direction. As adults, I truly believe we can train our attention to improve like a muscle.

The Brain’s Attention System

In Psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as “negative bias.” To be aware of threats, human brains are wired to give negatives more ‘power’ or ‘importance’ than positives. After all, if I notice a tiger in those nearby bushes, I don’t want to get distracted by a pretty berry bush. It was important for our survival to put more emphasis on the negative or threatening things. However, in the modern world, we are inundated with negativity for this eact reason. News outlets and advertisers know about this bias, and they use it to control us (and make us spend money or click on their content!)

Shifting our attention to ‘balance’ this bias is helpful when there is no reason to focus on the negatives as much as our brain thinks it needs to.

Disclaimer: If you do see a real tiger in the bush, feel free to focus on it!

The Inner Fire as a Toolkit

When I speak with dreamers following their purpose, there’s usually a situation they have chosen to define differently. Where one person may see obstacles and express frustration, ‘redefiners’ often follow up this normal human response with choosing another path.

Where one person hates their dayjob, they seek another traditional option. Perhaps someone has a problem and they try to purchase or follow things there which might help with their problem.

If they are creative, they may make their own ‘product solution’, and if it works, some even define that product as an opportunity: a gap in the market. Perhaps they look at hobbies and start taking steps to build on that foundation as an entrepreneur.

Sometimes, hardships teach us lessons, and those of us drawn to teach end up sharing those lessons. Via a business, blog, or connecting with a specific community, humans are wired for connection and sharing.

And one of the greatest things to share is a mindset shift. From my own life, I talk about redefining my personality, understanding my bad habits, living with chronic pain, and adjusting to a new job and family situation. Many negative things happened to lead me here, but I have tried, wherever possible, to see the reality of my situation.

To counter the negative reality with positive realities too. I am in pain, but I have a partner and daughter who know I need rest and will help me when I’m struggling. I’ve experiences grief and loss, and mental health difficulties — which means I’ve tried many therapies and can offer hope to those who may want to know what those therapies involve. I share my journey of redefining who I am aside form what the world told me I ‘should’ be, and I’ve found freedom on the other side of it.

This is one really core part form of redefinition: Seeing alternative paths ahead, and choosing to travel along them with eyes open to all the facts-not just the fear my brain highlights.

Accessing your Inner Skills

I talk a lot about ‘reframing’ events in my work because many people aren’t aware they hold such power. To some extent, many of us use these skills without thinking.

But where something is frustrating us; where it is causing us upset, and we can’t control it… I always look for an opportunity to redefine how I’m seeing the situation. The search for what I *can* impact or control in some way.

Most commonly I unlock this power when something negative has happened. If I find myself ruminating on the situation, that’s my hint to redefine.

Three Steps to Redefine the Past

1. What’s the situation? Stick to the ‘facts.’ Would that description hold up in a court of law? Is it ‘provable?’ Is there another side — what would an ‘opposition’ say to counter our argument?

2. How am I feeling? What emotions and physical sensations are fuelling my interpretation right now? What physical pains or tightness is in my body?

3. What could I gain from this? Are there any neutrals or positives in this? What lessons have I learned today? Can I connect with others better because of this experience?

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Now the “lesson” might be “that person can be very rude.” It may focus on “this may not be the best next action to take in my plan,” or “this is clearly not personal towards me.”

I may learn that “I can deal with even more stuff going wrong.”

You won’t often find rainbows in a difficult experience, but sometimes we overlook moments of inner strength.

In the Real World

A few years ago, a stranger in the street yelled at me, and I learned that I can be made speechless. I realised afterwards that I’d held some power: I stopped myself shouting back. By saying one factual sentence and walking away, they stopped yelling. How silence can de-escalate an issue.

I won’t lie, I spent a lot of time, energy and anger on that incident. Re-playing it in my mind, and reciting responses I could have said. Even though it had passed, I gave it a lot of my time and mental energy — carrying it into my work day and getting tearful in the bathroom.

But when I came through that emotional space, and I journaled about it… that’s where I pulled out my power of redefinition.

In this incident, I learned I may need a better ‘battle armour’ for going into that situation again. A pair of kick-ass boots or a symbol necklace under your shirt all count. Consciously choosing ‘strength’ clothing can help us to feel more in control if we know we might be tested in a situation, or if we’re feeling particularly vulnerable one day.

I’ve learned I can be pretty polite when someone is being so rude and inappropriate. I can smile at how the power of my silence forced them to stop shouting at me. I wasn’t feeding it. Again, I took back a tiny part of control.

And when I focus on those ‘positives’, I feel stronger, more in control, prouder and less ‘victimised.’

Redefining does not Mean Lying to Yourself

At the end of the day, redefinition does not ‘change’ a situation.

I was yelled at. They were upset. I also felt upset. [Frustrated / angry / shocked / offended — Take your pick!]

But with redefinition, I bolstered my inner sense of strength and control. I could shift my mindset to stop wasting time and energy on something I cannot change. I was able to manage my emotions and return to my daily goals once the experience passed.

And for a human being in the current day, that power is priceless. It just takes practice.

Are you ready to learn?

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