The majority of dumpees miss their ex like crazy. They feel rejected, depressed, confused, and lonely and wish their ex would change his or her mind and take them back. They’re prepared to do almost anything to stop hurting and secure their future with their ex.
Some of them are so hurt they throw their dignity away and beg for another chance. Others, go no contact and play the long game by working on their shortcomings and ambitions and trying to showcase change and improvement.
Even though their ex isn’t interested in them, they’re willing to wait for months or in some cases even years to impress their ex and be with their ex.
Such dumpees hope that their ex hits a rough patch and realizes things were when they were together.
Sadly, many dumpees are willing to wait for their ex to meet someone else, fall in love, and fail miserably. Due to low self-esteem and high anxiety, they’re “okay” with waiting for their ex to realize their worth through failure.
As long as they’re struggling to love themselves, feeling incomplete, and missing their ex, they consider their ex the best person they ever dated (and ever will date) and hope their ex comes back to give them another chance.
They don’t understand that their relationship won’t work if it starts on their ex’s terms. Their ex already has all the power, so reconciliation with the dumper in charge probably won’t make the dumper accountable for his or her actions.
It will probably let the dumper have the cake and eat it too.
Dumpees need to understand that they need to give their ex another chance and not vice-versa. Their ex, on the other hand, needs to admit to making mistakes and learn to respect and value the dumpee. That’s how the dumpee and the dumper can start a new healthy relationship and grow together.
The main reason dumpees think about their ex obsessively and miss their ex so much it hurts is because of shock, grief, and rejection pain. Separation anxiety stops the flow of happy hormones in their brain and overfloods them with fears, conflicting ideas, and a sense of urgency.
Anxiety tells them they have a small window of opportunity to make a good impression on their ex before their ex moves on for good and meets someone else and/or gets serious with that person.
If you miss your ex so much you feel sick and you’re worried your ex will forget about you, you need to understand that nothing worse than a breakup can ensue. Your ex may start talking to other people, drinking and partying, and acting out of character, but your ex can’t ruin your future more than he or she already has.
Not unless your ex sues you and tries to ruin your reputation, but that’s a topic for another time.
Yes, you’ll get hurt if you learn that your ex is progressing through life, but that’s why you shouldn’t keep checking up on your ex. You shouldn’t ask people about your ex either because you’ll learn things that don’t concern you anymore.
Your job is to heal and stop missing your ex. To do that, you must identify the things that make you miss your ex and let your ex do what he or she wants. If your ex wants to party and date people, you must let your ex be in charge of his or her life and regain control over yours.
Nostalgia, fear, depression, and other unwanted feelings and mental illnesses will go away when you stop digging for information about your ex and learn to let go of control. Acceptance and self-love will stop making you feel that you need your ex to survive and give you something better to enjoy and look forward to.
Something like your hobbies, work, friends, family, and everyday things.
I know it’s hard to imagine not being with your ex in the future. Your feelings and obsession don’t seem to be getting any better and giving you a break. They probably feel as intense as they did when your ex broke up with you and showed you he or she didn’t want to be with you.
Pain makes it impossible for you to see yourself moving on and finding someone better than your ex. But mark my words that you won’t feel sad, anxious, and depressed forever. When you detach from your ex and gather the strength to see your ex for the person he or she is, your opinion of your ex will change significantly.
You’ll stop thinking that your ex is the only person who can make you happy and start thinking that your ex is the only person who can reject you, wound you, and disorientate you for months.
This shift in thinking will be a milestone for you as it will change you in such a way that you go from wanting to hear from your ex to wanting your ex to stay away from you.
When you prioritize your healing over your urge to be with your ex, you’ll know you’ve made enough emotional progress to love yourself more than your ex and your desire to receive validation.
Suddenly, your ex will lose significance in your eyes and turn into someone you needed to date to improve yourself and your self-esteem.
In this post, we discuss why you miss your ex so much you feel sick and what you can do to minimize your nostalgia and pain.
Why do you miss your ex so much you feel sick?
When I got dumped, all I could think about was my ex. I thought about her day and night and relived the breakup a million times. I imagined various scenarios where I could have prevented the breakup from happening and made my ex want me back.
I wasn’t just obsessed. I was delusional. Despite my ex dumping me coldheartedly and wanting nothing to do with me, I still wanted to be with her and fix the trust, respect, and love she single-handedly destroyed. My self-respect was nonexistent at the time, so I wanted to fix her problems for her.
It wasn’t until later (when I detached) that I realized she didn’t deserve my obsession and one-sided feelings. Like most dumpers, she thought about me occasionally, but it was nothing compared to my obsession with her.
Eventually, I realized I missed her so much not because she was special but because she showed no empathy and destroyed my relationship goals, self-esteem, and self-identity. She brought out my worst fears and made it extremely hard for me to love myself.
If you’re struggling to appreciate what you have and find meaning in life, you need to know that you’re missing your ex because your ex affected your direction in life. He or she knocked you off course and made you feel lost and confused.
You don’t know how to live your life with yourself and for yourself, so you miss your ex and the life you had as a couple. You’ll continue to miss your ex for as long as you crave your old life with your ex and the validation and purpose you received from it.
If you have self-esteem problems, mental health problems, codependence issues, and lack goals in life, you’ll miss your ex even more because you’ll consider your ex a person who gave you a sense of security. You’ll think of your ex as someone you used to rely on for various problems.
That will make you think that you’ve lost someone amazing and that you’ll never be happy again. The less independent and prepared you are for life without your ex, the more your ex’s departure will hurt you and make you miss your ex.
So if you want to know why you feel so hurt after the breakup, figure out what role your ex played in your life.
What did your ex do for you and how did he or she make you feel when you had obstacles to overcome? Did your ex provide financial, emotional, or physical support? If so, you’re missing your ex so much you feel sick because you over-relied on your ex for basic things in life.
You have to realize that your ex is unreliable and learn to count on yourself and the people who want the best for you.
Basically, figure out what part of your life you needed your ex for a bit too much and what you can do to be more self-dependent. When you improve that or those parts of your life, you’ll feel less dependent on your ex and enjoy your life more.
Also, know that it’s normal to miss your ex so much you feel sick. It’s especially normal to miss your ex to the point of vomiting and diarrhea for a week or two after the breakup. Many dumpees (including myself) couldn’t eat or sleep after the breakup because we overinvested in our ex and thought the world ended for us.
Overinvestment in a person (especially in someone who doesn’t invest back in you) often leads to devastating post-breakup effects. It makes you need rather than want to be with that person and causes you to think, obsess, and dream about him or her for months or years.
How long your ex is on your mind depends on how you grieve the breakup. If you constantly reach out to your ex and expect your ex to tell you he or she misses you back, you’ll put hope in your ex and wait for him or her to come back.
You won’t heal and regain your identity because you’ll do things that provide you with a false sense of control. Instead of letting go of your ex, you’ll intentionally stay close to your ex and delay your healing process.
You won’t get over your ex this way. You’ll just stay obsessed and feel sick. Every time you make a breakup mistake, your ex will drift further away from you and make you think you need to do something to win your ex back.
That said, here’s why you miss your ex so much you feel sick.
If you miss your ex so much that you feel sick and scared of losing your ex, bear in mind that you can’t lose your ex more than you’ve already lost your ex. You can’t lose your ex now that he or she is gone, but you can reduce the chances of your ex seeing your worth and coming back when life gets tough.
If you ruin your image and reputation, your ex will think you need him or her more than he or she needs you and will probably get scared. Fear of getting overwhelmed by you will keep your ex away from you and encourage your ex to look for new romantic opportunities elsewhere.
Your ex could download dating apps or keep himself or herself busy in other ways. There’s no telling what your ex will do if you appear needy, but you can be certain that your ex will stay away from you and find different things and people to focus on.
When you miss your ex so much you feel sick
You must remember two things.
- It’s never okay to act on your urges and desperation (it’s unattractive).
- Your ex doesn’t want to see that you care and feel nostalgic. Your ex wants you to accept the breakup (appease his/her guilt) and let him or her be in charge of his or her life.
As long as your ex doesn’t want you back, your ex expects you to keep your feelings to yourself and avoid asking for love or friendship. You must do what your ex wants or you’ll pressure your ex and risk bringing a negative reaction out of him or her.
This doesn’t mean you must be friends with your ex and give your ex relationship benefits for free. What I mean is that your ex wants space and respect and a chance to live life without you.
You must give your ex that chance by distancing yourself and finding a way to carry on without your ex.
When you miss your ex so much you feel sick, remind yourself that it’s normal to miss the dumper that much. It’s especially normal to be nostalgic if your ex is seeing someone else, giving you hope, and taking your hope away.
The more your ex’s departure affects your happiness and self-esteem, the more you’ll miss your ex and want your ex back for security purposes.
Instead of deliberately thinking about your ex, look for a way to distract yourself. Call a friend, play a computer game, focus on work, go to the gym, or do something that keeps you entertained.
Get busy whenever you miss your ex and eventually, you’ll stop missing your ex and feeling sad. If you follow the rules of no contact, you’ll get your strength back and wish you’d spent more time thinking about yourself and the people who matter to you.
So if you miss your ex a lot, remember that it’s only a matter of time before you recover from the breakup and fall back in love with yourself. When you feel secure within yourself and find your purpose, nostalgia will disappear and so will any lingering romantic feelings.
You’ll feel like yourself again and won’t care whether your ex misses you back.
Do you miss your ex so much you feel sick? What are you doing to address your feelings? Share your breakup plans in the comments below and we’ll respond shortly.
And if you want a quicker and more detailed response regarding your breakup and feelings, check out our coaching page and get in touch with us.
