I was on a plane a couple days ago, and I spent the three-hour flight watching the 1946 Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I’ve seen parts of this movie at least 30 times in my life if I had to guess, but had never actually watched it from start to finish.
I’m going to make a blanketed statement: This is BY FAR a movie that every single person on earth needs to watch. And, we need to watch it every year. Not only because James Stewart is adorable, or because you’ll experience intermittent tears and laughter throughout, or because the concept is sort of fascinating, or even because you’ll feel good for days after seeing it. The reason you need to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life,” especially if you are going through a divorce or are divorced, is because of its underlying message: how absolutely blessed you are.
Yes, blessed. No matter what is going on. Even if you are thinking this: “How do YOU know I’m blessed? I’m going through the worst divorce in the world. My husband cheated on me and left, I’m 50 and I’m going to be alone forever, I’m broke, I’m old, I have to go back to work, I have so much anger and resentment, my kids are going to be screwed up…”
In the movie, George Bailey (played by James Stewart) is a guy who has a dream: leave his hometown and travel the world. Unfortunately, because of life’s circumstances, he ends up running his father’s company, getting married and having four kids.
Years later, the company isn’t thriving financially, largely due to George’s generosity and passion to helping people in his community. When uncle Billy (George’s uncle and business partner) misplaces the firm’s deposits ($8000—which was a lot back in 1946!) the loss puts the firm on the brink of bankruptcy, leaving George despondent, angry and bitter. After several drinks at a local bar, George is about to jump off a bridge when he meets Clarence, his guardian angel—a lovable character who has problems of his own, mainly the fact that after 239 years, he still hasn’t earned his wings.
After George declares, “I wish I’d never been born,” Clarence has an idea. He decides to take George on a journey of what life would be like for others (and for his hometown) had he never existed. When George sees how much better off hundreds of people are because they know him, he realizes his self-worth, how much he loves and appreciates those around him, and that no matter what happens, his life is, well, wonderful.
I won’t tell you the ending, but I will make another blanketed statement: it is literally the most beautiful ending of any movie I’ve ever seen, and illustrates love, gratitude, and faith in a way that will have you sobbing—in a good way.
So what I want to ask you is, do you have a wonderful life? Sure, divorce is hard. This holiday you might not be feeling the gratitude you have in the past. You might be thinking, “Why is this happening to me? I’m a good person, I don’t deserve this.” The future might seem scary and depressing, and you might not have any reason to think things are going to get better. I understand. It’s OK to feel those feelings and to cry and be angry and actually, even to feel bitter.
BUT, I will answer my question and say, “Yes. You do have a wonderful life.” Pull a Clarence and imagine what your life would be like if you were never born. The most obvious outcome: your kids wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t know your beloved family. For me, additionally, I can name about 10 couples who would not be married had it not been for me setting them up or me introducing them. That means their kids wouldn’t be here either.
Also, Divorced Girl Smiling would not exist. The tens of thousands of emails and social media messages from people asking me for advice and support would never have existed. That makes me feel proud and it gives my life meaning. This is the tip of the iceberg. If Clarence took me on a journey like he did George, I’m sure I’d realize countless other things that would make my life meaningful.
In closing, if you are feeling at all like your future seems bleak, or you are scared or stressed about what’s going to happen, don’t think about that right now. Why? One because you are smart and you will figure it out as time goes on, and two, things have a way of falling into place when people make good decisions and do what’s right, like continuing to be the best parent you can be and doing your job the best you know how and being kind to others and following your passions and doing what you love to do.
Instead, think about what you have TODAY. That might not mean a husband anymore, and you might have some big problems, such as a broken heart or financial troubles. But, if you dig deep in your heart and focus on the people you touch every day and the good you put into this world, in other words, your worth. Like George, you too will realize that in fact, it’s a wonderful life.
