Letting Go Without Closure: The Truth About Moving On

Closure is a myth. You don’t need it to move on.

Many of us believe we need closure to heal from a breakup, or the end of a relationship (or a situationship). We assume that we need to tie up the loose ends with a final conversation, goodbye, or an apology.

But here’s the hard truth: we cling to the idea of closure because we’re not ready to move on. And the reality? We don’t always get the closure we’re hoping for. Instead of getting the answers we want, sometimes we have to find our own way of accepting the end of a relationship.

Waiting for Closure to Avoid Acceptance

When a relationship ends without explanation, our brains search for answers. We find ourselves asking questions like: “What did I do wrong?” “Why did they leave?” “Can I change their mind?”

We find ourselves replaying old conversations in our minds, rereading texts, and analyzing everything in hopes of figuring out the answers.

For some of us, trying to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together can become obsessive. And at the end of the day, it’s all a trap. We focus so much on trying to get closure because it allows us to avoid the pain and uncertainty of being alone. It allows us to avoid doing what we really need to do: let go, heal, and move on.

Some People Will Never Give You Closure

Perhaps one of the hardest pills to swallow is that sometimes, the people who hurt us will never give us an explanation. They might ghost us or end it without ever telling us why.

This can leave us wondering if we’re enough for answers, but the reality is that it’s not about us. Some people simply aren’t capable of giving us an explanation. We need to keep in mind that, whether they’re avoidant or they lack emotional maturity, that’s about them — not about us.

Closure Comes From Within

Despite what we’ve been led to believe, closure isn’t something anyone else can give you. It’s something that you need to find on your own. And that can be difficult because there are a lot of steps that come with getting closure — and many of them aren’t fun.

You need to allow yourself to feel the pain. You need to accept how things are now, instead of trying to go back to the way things were.

Forgiveness is Key

The reality is, you don’t need an apology from anyone. You don’t need to hear an explanation as to why they hurt you. You don’t need a full understanding of what went wrong.

You don’t need any of that to focus on forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself, but just as importantly, you need to forgive them. Even if you don’t want to forgive them for their actions, you need to forgive them for your own peace.

Letting Go Without Answers

Finding closure without answers or an apology is one of the most difficult things most will ever do. It requires a lot of inner work and healing, but finding your own closure is one of the most powerful things you’ll ever do. It allows you to stop being the person who was left broken and lets you heal and move forward.

The Bottom Line

No matter how a relationship ends, you can let go of people even without a final conversation or apology. Closure isn’t something that anyone else can give you. It’s something you have to give yourself.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.