Are you bothered that your ex moved on and made you feel like you were nothing? Does it make you feel anxious and depressed? If it does, try not to take your ex’s detachment so personally.
What your ex does and how fast your ex moves on has nothing to do with what you’re like as a person and a partner. It’s got everything to do with your ex’s personality, upbringing, guilt, morality, strength, and ability to let go of people.
Your ex moved on very easily because your ex fell out of love and associated relationship-preventing beliefs with you. He or she thought about leaving you for ages, so naturally, your ex didn’t question his or her decision once the breakup was initiated.
Your ex just kept moving on and appreciating the space and freedom the breakup provided. Due to the uplifting emotions the breakup created, your ex quickly decided to embrace those emotions and act on them.
There was nothing your ex wanted more than feeling happy and in control of his or her life. Control empowered your ex and gave your ex a renewed sense of freedom and purpose.
It made your ex see that leaving you had tons of positive effects, the biggest one being that he or she no longer needed to pay attention to you and tend to your needs.
This withdrawal of attention and care, coincidentally hurt your self-esteem and made you feel like you were nothing to your ex despite trying so hard and investing so much into the relationship.
Because your ex moved on without a care in the world, you now wonder if you ever even meant anything to your ex. Were you an equal partner or were you someone your ex dated only to take from and pass the time?
That’s a difficult question for me to answer because I don’t know your ex. But I do know that if your relationship lasted longer than 6 months, your ex probably loved you and saw a future with you. He or she valued you and was grateful for what you did for him or her and the relationship.
However, if your relationship lasted less than half a year, then what you had was probably just a fling. Your ex was fascinated by you for as long as the infatuation phase lasted. Once feelings of newness and excitement waned and the relationship required work, things quickly deteriorated, breaking the relationship from within.
I want you to know it’s not entirely your fault. Whether your relationship lasted months or years, remember that relationships take two to work. One person alone can’t motivate a disinterested person to invest and care about the relationship.
Both people must find their reasons (hopefully similar ones) to be in a relationship with each other. If they can’t find them or if they lose sight of them and focus on other things, they gradually disconnect, convince themselves the relationship isn’t working for them, and fall out of love.
I say “they,” but it’s usually just one person. The person with less patience and more power usually gives up first because that person is more susceptible to doubts and temptations.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and you can’t stop thinking that something’s wrong with you, know that it’s your self-esteem talking. You were extremely important to your ex in the beginning, but only as long as your ex maintained the relationship and cared about you.
Once that changed, your ex began to pull away and showed you how he or she deals with relationships that have encountered problems and no longer satisfy him or her. Your ex proved that quitting was always an option and that the promises he or she had made no longer mattered.
To me, that doesn’t sound like you were the problem. Sure, you had shortcomings and moments you aren’t proud of, but who doesn’t? We all make mistakes now and then. It’s human.
The key is to learn from your mistakes, persevere, and stay committed when things get tough. Now, I’m not saying your ex should have stayed with you if the relationship was abusive. But your ex should have communicated problems and emotions better instead of letting them pile up and turn into resentment.
That’s not something you should take the blame for. People in romantic relationships are responsible for their own emotions. They need to frequently evaluate whether their emotions are healthy and if there’s something they can do to disassociate unhealthy beliefs and feelings from their partner.
Most people do that only subconsciously. That explains why they run out of love and find their partner annoying and emotionally draining. When things get that bad, the dumper gets tired of the dumpee’s presence and expectations and leaves the relationship.
In this post, we discuss why your ex moved on like you were nothing. We explain dumper behavior and share tips on how to handle a breakup that makes you feel unworthy.
My ex moved on like I was nothing
It can be tempting to think you’re the reason your ex developed unhealthy perceptions of you and left you. It can feel like you had nothing valuable to contribute to the relationship and that your ex was the catch.
Your destroyed confidence and self-esteem can make you believe absurd things. Things that are self-destructive and far from reality.
Every person deserves respect and care—even dumpees who made mistakes during the relationship and acted desperate after it has ended.
Those who don’t get something as basic as respect aren’t at fault for not getting it. The dumper doesn’t have to love the dumpee, but the least the dumper should do is respect the dumpee as a person and avoid making it look like the dumpee is worthless.
Respect may be earned, but when it comes to breakups, the dumpee has already earned it. He or she was in a relationship with the dumper, so closure, kindness, and patience are expected. They must be given to the dumpee so the dumpee doesn’t blame himself or herself and develop mental health complications.
Sadly, many dumpers don’t explain why they ended the relationship. They often ignore the dumpee’s questions, give vague explanations, or use breakup excuses that give the dumpee false hope.
Such dumpees either tell their ex what their ex wants to hear or do what’s best for them. Either way, they don’t respect the dumpee, nor care about the dumpee’s suffering. They only care about evading the dumpee and focusing on their new-found happiness.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and didn’t help you cope with the breakup, bear in mind that your ex prioritized his or her emotions and neglected yours. Instead of offering support and showing care, your ex triggered your separation anxiety and let you handle it on your own.
While you were doing that, your ex found fun and interesting things to do, which made you feel even more insecure. It not only made you feel all alone but also made you feel worthless.
You expected the person you loved to be sympathetic toward your suffering, but instead, you saw that he or she didn’t care in the slightest. That caused shock and immense pain.
In essence, seeing your ex move on like you were nothing made you feel down as you felt abandoned and neglected both at once. It was a double blow to your ego and self-esteem—and it will now take some time to process it.
I can’t say how long it will take (probably months), but when you detox from your ex, you’ll realize that your ex was even worse than you thought and that getting back with your ex after he or she has ignored your feelings and pain would be a disaster.
It would cause you to fear another breakup and make you doubt your ex’s ability to take care of you.
That said, here’s why your ex moved on quickly and appears to be happy and doing well.
It’s evident that a person who moves on like you’re nothing doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. If your ex also started dating other people, posting happy things on Facebook, and acting like the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to him or her, your ex also doesn’t care about your emotions and the love you still have for him or her.
Such an ex should be perceived as an uncaring ex and must be avoided at all costs. The sooner you start no contact and stop seeing what your ex is up to, the better you’ll feel and the quicker you’ll heal.
Time is of the essence.
What to do when your ex moves on like you’re nothing?
If your ex is happily moving on, I encourage you to ask your friends not to update you on your ex and to also get your ex out of sight on social media. You may be a strong and confident person, but if you keep seeing how happy your ex is, you’ll constantly reopen your emotional wounds and risk slipping back into depression.
It’s best that you avoid keeping an eye on your ex. It will be hard to do that right now because you feel scared and hungry for your ex’s attention and reassurance, but you must do your best anyway. You must resist the temptation to check up on your ex by telling yourself that there’s nothing for you to see.
Your ex has moved on and doesn’t want you back. Until he or she does, it’s in your best interest to keep your distance and work on getting your confidence and power back.
Some good ways to feel better include signing up for therapy, spending time with friends, family, or coworkers, and getting into the habit of journaling, reading, drawing, meditating, praying, or exercising.
What works for others might not work for you. So take the time to discover what works and what doesn’t.
Dumpers who move on fast like you meant nothing to them don’t deserve your attention and affection. They haven’t earned it and must be left to their devices. If at some point in the future, they come back into your life, you should remember that they’re probably breadcrumbing you and merely doing what’s best for them.
When/if they return, the question you should ask yourself is whether their behavior is best for you. If it isn’t, you should stop them from confusing you and messing with your healing.
The best way to do that is to tell them you’re not ready to be friends and that you need more time for yourself.
While your ex is doing who knows what, you have tons of work to do. Not only must you reflect, learn more about relationships, and improve as a person, but you must also detach from your ex and find meaning outside of the relationship.
You can do that by focusing on yourself and your friends rather than your ex. Self-esteem will some time to rebuild. Don’t expect it to magically revert to the way it was prior to the breakup. If it were that simple, dumpees would get over their ex in a matter of days.
They’d say “See if I care, my ex isn’t worth my time” and instantly get their ex out of their system.
Unfortunately, only dumpers can move on after the breakup that quickly. And that’s only because they’ve already detached before leaving their ex. They’d convinced themselves their ex doesn’t understand them and make them happy.
So if your ex moved on like you were nothing and you’re having trouble not taking the breakup personally, remember that your ex lost sight of the relationship and focused on people or things he or she deemed as more important.
This allowed your ex to initiate the breakup and not worry about your thoughts and feelings.
To recover from the breakup, you’ll have to find ways to undo the damage your ex has done. You’ll be able to do that by getting rid of the negative thinking patterns your ex started for you.
In other words, you’ll have to stop thinking that you’re entirely to blame for the breakup and start acknowledging your ex’s mistakes as well.
When you do that, you’ll stop blaming yourself and feeling unworthy of love.
Did your ex move on like you were nothing? How did that make you feel? Let us know in the comments below.
And lastly, if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s behavior and lack of care in general, sign up for coaching here.
