My Ex Unfollowed Me During No Contact

If you hoped your ex would get nostalgic and reach out during no contact, but your ex unfollowed you instead, you probably suffered a big shock. You realized your ex was distancing himself or herself further from you instead of becoming more interested and getting closer to you.

This hurt you badly and got your hopes for reconciliation crushed.

You got scared and anxious because you’d pinned your hopes on the power of no contact and expected it to reattract your ex.

You must understand that no contact has multiple functions (not just to get your ex back) and that your ex could do many things you’re not okay with. Your ex could become more social, drink and party, get a promotion, upgrade his or her wardrobe, start dating, use new words, and do things he or she previously wouldn’t do.

Your ex could do his or her best to abandon the identity he or she had in the relationship with you and become unrecognizable in the process.

This doesn’t mean your ex is changing who he or she is. Inside (morally, behaviorally, and mentality-wise), your ex is still the same person. Your ex still thinks and behaves the same way. The only things that have changed are your ex’s superficial traits – the things that give your ex external happiness that you can notice from afar.

So if your ex unfollowed you during no contact, the first thing you must remember is that lots of dumpers unfollow, delete, or even block their ex. Some do it because they don’t like what their ex is posting whereas others (most dumpers) mess with their ex’s profile because they’d been wanting to do that for a long time.

They just couldn’t find the courage as they knew it could hurt their ex, bring a negative reaction out of their ex, and/or make them look bad. Dumpers tend to wait a while before they touch the status of their ex’s profile.

They make sure some time has passed so as not to look impulsive, hateful, and self-centered.

Sometimes they unfollow or delete their ex if their ex posts (too much), reminds them of the past, or makes them scared about finding something they’re not ready to find. Unhappy, anxious, or depressed dumpers don’t want to think their ex is having a good time and that they’ve made a bad decision.

They don’t want to doubt their decisions, so they delete or unfollow and push their ex out of sight. By doing so, they control what information they let into their heads and how they feel about the breakup and their post-breakup life.

If you’ve been posting (a lot), your ex probably noticed that you’re still around and that your presence doesn’t make him or her feel good. Every time you post (something he/she doesn’t like), your ex feels suffocated and wishes he or she didn’t have to feel that way.

Because of negative feelings, your ex convinced himself or herself that life would be easier if you were no longer around, triggering unwanted thoughts and emotions. Although you didn’t interact, your ex saw your posts or saw you online (or offline) and forced you out of sight and mind.

You mustn’t take it personally. An ex who deletes or unfollows you does so because he or she associates negative thoughts and feelings with you and doesn’t want to deal with them. You may or may not be partially responsible for how your ex feels, but it’s evident your ex prefers to run away from the past and focus on things that feel good.

Things your ex actually wants to occupy his or her mind with.

So if your ex unfollowed you on social media, know that it was bound to happen sooner or later. Your ex was going to unfollow you when you posted or did something or when your ex thought it was safe for him or her to unfollow you and cut you out of his or her life.

It sucks that you were hoping your ex would contact you and gravitate toward you over time, but your ex had different plans. He or she wanted to increase the distance (rather than decrease it) and not think about reconnecting with you.

Distance allows your ex to continue to self-prioritize and enjoy the breakup on his or her terms.

Although no contact can help you reunite with your ex, it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. No contact preserves your worth as an ex and lets your ex think things through. If your ex is vengeful and incapable of reflecting and letting go of the past, no contact won’t help you get back with your ex.

Nothing will help you because your ex will think and feel what he or she wants. Your ex will probably blame you for everything and refuse to acknowledge the good things you did for the relationship. In that case, you shouldn’t stop no contact and start begging your ex for forgiveness and love.

You should remain in no contact and remember that your ex could still have an epiphany later. The chances of that happening aren’t very high, but in this world, everything is possible. Your ex could get in a pickle and want you back to boost his or her self-love and work on the relationship.

I’m not saying you should stay hopeful. All I’m saying is that sometimes exes have the grass is greener syndrome (GIGS) and need to spend some time on their own to realize what they’ve lost. Oftentimes, they need to explore other romantic options and fail miserably with them to reminisce about their ex and wonder if they’ve made the right decision.

You can talk to dumpers all you want—and it won’t make a difference. They need to think about you and miss you on their own otherwise your words go in one ear and out the other.

As a dumpee, you can’t make your dumper ex want to keep you on social media and talk to you from time to time.

Your ex or influential (authoritative) people in your ex’s life are the only ones who can make your ex do that. So leave your ex alone and let your ex be free while you work on improving your self-esteem and regaining your strength and independence.

In today’s post, we talk about why your ex unfollowed you during no contact, what it means going forward, and how you should respond to it.

Why did my ex unfollow me during no contact?

The most feasible explanation for why your ex unfollowed you during no contact is that your ex stopped feeling bad for breaking your heart and started caring more about his or her emotions. Your ex decided to prioritize his or her happiness and freedom and let you deal with your problems and emotions on your own.

Since it’s been a while since the breakup, your ex thinks it’s okay to unfollow you and stop receiving updates on your life. Unfollowing lets your ex avoid seeing you and feeling uncomfortable and encourages your ex to think only about things that feel good.

You probably expected your ex to text, call, or send you flowers during no contact, but exactly the opposite happened.

Your ex unfollowed you and showed you that his or her interest in you has decreased. Unless you posted something you shouldn’t have and/or annoyed your ex, it’s not that your ex’s interest decreased, but that your ex stopped pretending to care and no longer wanted to keep you around.

Your ex got tired of seeing what you were up to or being reminded of you. You were probably one of his or her recently spoken-to people on the friends list and made your ex want to stop thinking about you. To push unwanted emotions away, your ex unfollowed you and made you wonder why he or she did that.

So bear in mind that your ex either unfollowed you because you did something wrong or because your ex finally put himself or herself first and wanted to stop thinking about you. By unfollowing you, your ex stopped receiving updates on your life and feeling uncomfortable.

The unfollowing doesn’t mean that your ex moved on and that you missed the chance to be with your ex. In all honestly, your ex moved on long before the breakup happened and merely wanted to distance himself/herself from you.

Your ex thought it was time to unfollow you and enjoy life without any reminders of you.

Mind you, reminders don’t necessarily hurt or annoy your ex because you were a bad partner or because you did something bad after the breakup. They annoy your ex simply because your ex wanted to break up very badly for a while and needed to spend time away from you.

If your ex sees that you’re still around and feels uncomfortable because of it, your ex feels tempted to unfollow you.

Your ex could have deleted and blocked you on top of unfollowing, but for now, unfollowing seems to do the job. It lets your ex avoid unwanted reminders of you and promotes his or her well-being.

If you reach out and persuade your ex to come back, you could also pressure and disrespect your ex and get your ability to communicate taken away from you.

In other words, your expectations could hurt your ex and force your ex to push you away by force.

Always remember that your actions can make your ex do unwanted things. For example, if you post a lot of (relationship/breakup) things on social media, appear sad or depressed, and accuse your ex of being a disloyal partner, your ex could find your behavior rude and decide to “punish” you for it.

This means your ex could say or do hurtful things you aren’t ready for and make it hard for you to reconcile and love yourself.

That’s why if you want to feel better and maximize your chances of getting back together with your ex, stay away from your ex during no contact and let your ex come to you when or if he or she is ready.

It could take months or years for your ex to return or your ex might not come back at all. Regardless of whether your ex returns, you need to give the dumper space and retain your value. Don’t throw yourself at your ex’s feet just because you feel that no contact isn’t working.

With that said, here’s why your ex unfollowed you during no contact.

Whether you did something to get unfollowed or got unfollowed randomly out of the blue, your ex’s unfollowing indicates that your ex’s feelings haven’t changed and that your ex wants to keep his or her distance from you.

Your ex wants fewer or no reminders of you because reminders trigger pain, anger, resentment, or disgust.

What should I do if my ex unfollows me during no contact?

If your ex unfollows you during no contact, your ex doesn’t want to see what you’re up to anymore. Your ex wants a break from you and needs you to give him or her space. Space lets your ex gain control of the breakup and encourages him or her to heal in the quickest time possible.

Your ex doesn’t need to get over the breakup (that’s your job), but your ex does need to avoid you for a while to stop feeling suffocated and enjoy the relief stage of the breakup.

If you prevent your ex from enjoying the relief stage, your ex will probably make you regret it very quickly. He or she will say or do something that hurts you and destroys your reconciliation hope.

To avoid pressuring your ex and getting hurt in return, don’t:

• post too much on social media
• post depressing things
• brag about your newfound happiness
• contact your ex and ask why he/she unfollowed you
• talk poorly about your ex

You’re not friends, so your ex has every right to unfollow and delete you. He or she doesn’t owe you friendship and explanations for unfollowing you online. Your ex must give you closure and help you emotionally if you’re struggling, but that’s as far as your ex’s moral obligations go.

You, on the other hand, need to respect your ex’s decisions and negative breakup feelings. You can do that by staying in no contact regardless of what your ex does and what he or she promised you before, during, or after the breakup.

If your ex promised to come back after a while and then started dating someone else, you must understand that your ex used a breakup excuse and that he or she had no intention of getting back together.

Your hurt feelings probably tell you to reach out and call your ex a dirty liar, but what will that accomplish? It will only anger your ex and make your ex escalate things. An escalation could involve ignoring, deleting, blocking, and getting a restraining order against you.

So don’t react to your ex’s unfollowing and instead, act as if you haven’t noticed it. Show it doesn’t bother you, that you’ve given up control, and that you’ve accepted the breakup.

This won’t make your ex come back, but it will prevent your ex from thinking you’re stalking him or her and trying to force reconciliation.

If you’re posting on social media, keep doing it. Your ex may not want to know what you’re up to today, but this likely won’t always be the case. Eventually, your ex will probably become curious about you and check your profile.

When he or she does, your ex will learn that you’ve been moving on and enjoying your life.

Did your ex unfollow you during no contact? How did that make you feel? Share your thoughts and feelings below the post.

And if you’re looking for personal guidance regarding your breakup, check out our private coaching options here.