Someone who constantly breaks up with you is called an emotionally immature person. He or she is stuck in a negative pattern of leaving and returning due to unresolved doubts, fears, and a lack of commitment and emotional strength.
Instead of reflecting on his or her decisions and growing as a person, the man or woman chooses to run away. Unpleasant thoughts and emotions are too difficult for this person to handle as he or she lacks the experience and skills required to evolve.
When someone constantly breaks up with you, you have a sign that he or she lacks gratitude and the ability to control thoughts and emotions. Rather than controlling them, he or she submits to them and pushes the idea that abandoning a relationship is okay deeper into his or her subconscious mind.
Every breakup further reinforces the notion that something’s wrong with the relationship and every reconciliation makes the dumper feel accepted on the spot without actually having to put the work in.
Such a person is unlikely to change. He or she had many chances to grow but chose not to. His or her continuous lack of effort and change is all the proof you need that the relationship is at an all-time low and that this person won’t suddenly realize your worth and break his or her unhealthy patterns.
He or she won’t do it because you always accepted him/her back and weren’t able to encourage self-reflection and growth. Maybe you told him or her to take you seriously and gave an ultimatum, but that wasn’t enough.
He or she just couldn’t or didn’t want to make the necessary changes. It’s probably too late to make them now as you won’t be able to inspire or force this person to improve his or her flaws and commitment to you. You lost the power and the chance to do that by accepting your ex back numerous times.
I’m not saying it’s your fault, but every time your partner became your ex, it became easier for him or her to leave. After leaving several times, the relationship standards decreased so much that breaking up and getting back together became the new norm.
Your ex knew that you’d always take him or her back and that even if you didn’t, your lack of validation wouldn’t cause a big inconvenience.
You’re now stuck with a wishy-washy person who does as his or her emotions instruct. If he or she is in a good mood, you’re together. And if he or she is in a bad mood, you break up. This kind of unpredictability makes your life extremely unstable and unsafe.
This is especially true if you’re looking for a serious commitment.
Hopefully, you’ve changed your mind about this person because it’s highly unlikely that someone who constantly breaks up with you will gradually mature into the person you want him or her to be. It’s much more likely that his or her impulsiveness and lack of accountability will remain a long-term issue.
Time alone doesn’t break unhealthy habits and patterns. Desires to change them and hard work do.
That’s why you need to decide if staying with this person makes you happy or if you merely think it does because you’ve become highly reliant on his or her validation and love.
Right now, you probably think this person is your soulmate, but you need to know that your soulmate wouldn’t have broken up with you multiple times. You may be far from perfect, but someone who constantly breaks up with you doesn’t know how to maintain a relationship.
He or she is bad for your emotional health and well-being and is preventing you from meeting someone who can give you what you need. And what you need is a partner you can trust and needn’t walk on eggshells around.
So if a man, woman, or anything in between constantly breaks up with you, ignores you, or blocks you, keep in mind that this person is not your ideal partner. He or she is incapable of loving you and will probably cause you much more anxiety and uncertainty.
It may be best to leave, sign up for therapy, process the separation, and figure out why you kept taking him or her back time after time. A serious introspection will bring you clarity and transform you into the person this person has been preventing you from becoming.
In today’s article, we explain what it means when someone constantly breaks up with you. We’ll also share our opinion on what you should do about it.
Things to understand about someone who constantly breaks up with you
If your partner or ex-partner breaks up with you all the time, you need to understand that your ex doesn’t appreciate you as much as you appreciate him. Your ex doesn’t feel grateful and doesn’t know how lucky he is to get so many chances with you.
Instead of considering himself lucky, your ex sees how easy it is to be with you and thinks less of you as a result.
This makes him make zero personal improvements and changes. Why change anything at all when it’s obvious that he can come back any time?
For your ex to value you, your ex would have to be afraid of losing you. He or she would have to understand that you’re a good person and the right partner and that he or she needs to make it up to you and work hard to be with you.
Since your ex doesn’t think that you’ll walk away and not look back, your ex comes and goes as he or she pleases. Your ex wants to be with you when things flow and doesn’t want to be with you when he or she feels stressed, overwhelmed, and doubtful.
This makes your ex into a reactive person who hasn’t yet learned to tame negative emotions and discover the importance of prioritizing commitment.
To the casual eye, your ex seems to want a relationship and says the right things. But when it comes to doing the right things, your ex falls short.
He or she doesn’t understand that relationships require a certain level of emotional intelligence and that he or she keeps abandoning the relationship due to unresolved issues and a lack of reflection.
Immature exes tend to blame their ex for their problems and do everything in their power to avoid looking into the mirror. Because of their immaturity, they often force their partner to feel insecure, jealous, abandoned, angry, and mistreated and drag their partner down to their level of maturity.
It’s almost impossible not to drag them down with them because people are reactive beings. If we feel hurt, we tend to respond to hurt in not very good ways. That’s why it’s so important to find people of similar values and emotional intelligence.
We’ll save ourselves lots of problems and pain later down the line when the relationship gets serious.
Although people can change and grow, they tend not to make significant improvements when they keep absent-mindedly reacting to stressors. When people react the same way multiple times, it’s no longer just a mistake.
It’s a pattern – a part of their behavior that they choose not to correct.
A person doesn’t need 5 chances to appreciate you and treat you right. If he or she has a certain level of self-awareness and understanding of his or her emotions, 1 or 2 chances are more than enough.
They’re enough to cause reflection and pain and force him or her to avoid taking the relationship for granted.
Your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend hasn’t had such an epiphany yet. There is not enough reflection, pain, and regret that would enable him or her to stop breaking up with you.
You can expect your ex not to grow until he or she goes through a similar situation to yours. That means your ex will have to be on the receiving end of the breakup for once and see how it feels to get broken up with and feel unimportant.
You can break up with your ex and teach your ex a lesson, but it probably won’t have the desired effect. The man or woman might beg for a chance, but the moment you take him or her back, you’ll provide validation and put yourself in a position of weakness again.
A relationship like this has too much water under the bridge to grow. Respect and the determination to stay committed are not good enough. They’re so bad your ex will soon get tired of being with you and crave solitude again.
When that happens, you can expect to get broken up with again.
Eventually, one of your breakups will be a final one. That’s because your ex will develop resentment, move on, and/or find someone else to torment.
With that said, here’s what it means when someone constantly breaks up with you.
Always remember that wishy-washy behavior seldom gets better over time. 99% of the time, people stay as they are and let their doubts and unresolved problems hinder their relationship.
The only way they can grow is if they have a big realization. And to have a big realization, something painful, unpredictable, and out of their control must transpire. Something that destroys their inflated ego and pride and makes them want to feel safe and desired.
Don’t count on such a realization while you’re still with your partner. It probably won’t happen because your partner won’t suffer enough to reflect.
As long as he or she knows you’re available and willing to reconcile, your partner will neglect you and see/feel no reason to invest in personal growth and the relationship.
As hard as it may be to accept this, know that someone who constantly breaks up with you isn’t ready for a relationship with you and isn’t going to stay with you forever. And even if he or she does stay, you’ll be signing up for a lifetime of misery.
Give it some thought and figure out if that’s what you want.
What to do about someone who constantly breaks up with you?
If you want the best for yourself, you need to learn to love yourself.
Self-love is possible when you get rid of the person who’s constantly telling you that you’re not good enough. This person is your partner or your ex as he or she is hurting you and hindering your growth.
You must remember that your partner’s job is to uplift you and make you feel safe. He or she made a vow to stay committed, and therefore, needs to support you and work on relationship problems with you. That’s what it means to be committed.
Sadly, someone who constantly breaks up with you doesn’t care about commitment, relationship growth, and your happiness. All he or she cares about are the things he or she can get from being with you.
This includes emotional and sexual gratifications and various relationship perks.
When the relationship ends, your ex gets space and time to self-prioritize and. And when he or she regrets breaking up, he or she feels sad, lonely, and unhappy and once again wants security and validation.
This cycle of coming and going is emotion-driven. It’s caused by the inability to handle negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and suffocation and a desire to feel validated and cared for after a period of cooling off and losing control.
Before your ex can have a successful long-term relationship with you or someone else, he or she needs to get better at understanding himself or herself and develop emotional self-control (emotional intelligence).
Your ex needs to appreciate people, stop being so reactive, communicate emotions better, and learn a thing or two about commitment.
I don’t know when or if your ex will grow—and neither do you. That’s why your only option is to stop fighting an endless battle and call it quits. You gave your ex multiple (far too many) chances already—and your ex wasted all of them.
Now’s the time to pull away and do what you need to be happy. It won’t be easy to get away from this person, but if you don’t distance yourself, you’ll stay miserable for as long as your ex keeps coming back.
And I can tell you that you don’t want that. You don’t want to naively wait for him or her to meet someone else and abandon you for good.
I know you’re attached and probably can’t imagine being with someone else, but if you think that a toxic person is your best and only shot at happiness, your addiction to this person is speaking for itself. It’s telling you that you can’t do better and that you’ll suffer immensely if you get broken up with.
Although you will most likely suffer (you’re attached), it’s not true that you can’t do better than someone who constantly breaks up with you. It’s a big lie because people who threaten breakups and/or keep breaking up with you are projecting their issues onto you.
Yes, you have problems and shortcomings too, but your problems aren’t as big as your ex’s. Not unless you keep cheating, lying, and refusing to change. In that case, you’re probably a part of the problem as you’re not doing enough to show respect and earn respect.
You’re expecting the man or woman to accept you and love your unhealthy traits. That’s unreasonable as no one should tolerate unhealthy behavior, neglect, and abuse.
However, if you’re not mistreating your ex, you needn’t worry about that. Dumpees blame themselves for the breakup way too often. Due to destroyed self-esteem and separation anxiety, they think their behavior caused the breakup and fall into the biggest depression of their lives.
They need months of time to see that their ex was the issue and that they can’t change their ex no matter how hard they try. Only their ex can change. But he or she needs to find a good reason to do that.
A good reason is anything that makes them see they’ll remain unhappy and unsafe if they stay as they are.
Hence, it’s unlikely that an ex who leaves and comes back every few weeks will take the time to reflect and change. It’s much more likely that he or she will come back to use the dumpee and leave after the dumpee has served his or her purpose.
So if you’re dealing with someone who constantly breaks up with you, remember that you’re the victim and that you need to stay away from your ex at all costs. You can’t put yourself in another situation where you could get abandoned and hurt.
Think about the consequences of being with someone who constantly breaks up with you. Think about your health, happiness, (future) kids, and those who care about you.
You’ll soon learn that you deserve more than this person can give you and that you deserve someone who talks about emotions, challenges, and problems. Such a person will bring security into your life whereas someone who constantly breaks up with you will destroy it and make you codependent on him or her for love and recognition.
I hope you’ve learned what kind of person constantly breaks up with you. Let us know your thoughts on this subject in the comments section below.
However, if you wish to discuss this person’s behavior and intentions privately, check out our coaching page and get in touch.
