The Year of Release: 6 Lessons 2025 Taught Me

2025 was the year of the snake. According to the internet, this year was about shedding what no longer serves us, whether that be people, relationships, situations, limiting beliefs, habits, or parts of our identity. It also happened to be the end of what is considered a 9-year cycle, which is also about completion and letting go. Essentially, the two combined are supposed to be powerful in terms of introspection — looking inward, taking stock of the lessons from the past, and shedding everything that is no longer working and is instead holding us back from being who we are truly meant to be.

I am no expert when it comes to numerology and all the planet business, and in some ways, I am not even sure I really believe it. But I am a person open to all possibilities, with an insane curiosity and a desire to understand myself, others, and the world. So, by nature, I am open to this explanation, and to be honest, based on the year I have had, and where I find myself today, it feels like a legitimate explanation.

For me, this year has been one of raw release. At the end of 2024, when my life seemed to unravel thread by thread, and I sat frozen, convinced I had lost my only chance at happiness, I made a promise to myself. I wrote a letter to the woman I hoped to become by the end of 2025, capturing every hope she would realise and the energy she would possess. I promised to fight what felt like an unbreakable curse — to gather every shred of determination, build the life I deserved, and finally stand in the power I always sensed inside, no matter how hard it got.

And it got fucking hard.

There was really nothing that easy about this year, and I battled myself the majority of the time. Life threw lemons that weren’t expected, and I swung through the forest of extreme highs and lows. At times, it felt like I took two steps forward to take twenty-four steps back. I didn’t always make choices aligned to this future me I desired, and for majority of the year I felt like I was in limbo — stuck between a life and a version of me that didn’t quite feel right anymore, leaving me with so much shame when I easily gave into her (which happened too often), and a future version of me I wasn’t ready for because it meant leaving so much behind and it felt too lonely to take the plunge.

Despite all the lows and questionable moments, I kept my eye on the prize. The life I thought I was going to have might’ve blown up in my face, but this was my opportunity to find my way back to myself. The path isn’t always straight, and sometimes the biggest obstacle is yourself. 2025 was a year that challenged me to face every demon I had hiding in my closet. Little by little, it felt as if I was taking off the masks that no longer fit and letting go of the weight I was no longer meant to carry. I became lighter and stronger simultaneously as I shed most (haven’t quite nailed life yet) of what kept me stuck in patterns that limited me from my true potential.

2025 was a year of lessons, and although there are too many to list here, I have narrowed it down to the top 6 lessons I learnt that will definitely be coming along on the ride into 2026:

Lesson 1: Memento Mori- Remember You Will Die

In February, I lost a really good friend to a hereditary heart condition. Although we knew it was a possibility that it could be his time at literally any point, it was easy to push that reality to the back of our minds. I took for granted that he would always be around, and unfortunately for me, our very last interaction was an argument.

The night I got the call felt unreal. How could someone in their mid-30s, with a life full of hopes and dreams, suddenly lose it all? My sadness wasn’t for my loss, but for his — his unfulfilled dreams, the unrealised potential, the love and family he longed for but would never have. The weight of what would never come to be pressed down on me.

In situations like this, every individual will walk away with their personal brand of unique perspective. For me, it was that life is short. Yes, it was tragic that he exited this world so soon, but the reality is that time is not guaranteed to any one of us. There is only one guarantee in life, and that is that we will all die. I have assumed my entire life that I will die at the ripe old age of 99, sleeping peacefully in my bed like Rose in Titanic. What a beautiful fantasy, but most likely not the reality. I am not guaranteed such a long life — neither are you. But yet, we will still look at our hopes, dreams and goals and dare mutter the words — tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. We deliberately delay our lives, believing in the promise of a tomorrow. But what if tomorrow doesn’t come? Will you be able to look back on your life and know you lived it to the fullest, that you achieved everything you hoped to, that you were the best version of yourself, and that you embraced every person and every opportunity fully

There is a Latin phrase, Memento Mori — “Remember you will die.” Legend has it that the Roman generals would ride down the streets in a parade after a battle with a person whispering this phrase in their ear. It was a reminder that although they had won that battle, they were not immortal and were simply humans who could meet their fate at any time. It is not a morbid reminder, but rather one that reminds us that our time isn’t unlimited — that today may be the last day of our lives.

Don’t let your one precious life pass you by for promises of a tomorrow that may never be. Choose today to be the best version of yourself, to do the things you have been putting off, to tell the people in your life that you love them, and to choose to enjoy this messy, beautiful thing we call life.

Lesson 2: You Don’t Control Life — You Control Your Response

If I break this year down into individual parts and look at it through a microscope, this year was a wild fucking ride!

I navigated heartbreak and all the pain that comes with losing that life and the future I had planned, grief and the changing dynamics it brings, an extreme work environment that had me depleted by mid-January, and all-around massive shifts and changes, which unsettled everything I once knew and everything I thought I was.

But I sit here in December, and even though this year was really one of extremes and many, many lows, I feel as if I had the best year I could’ve had.

I had no choice in the matter — I could allow the lows and challenges of life to take me down, or I could push through. I chose the latter. And trust me, it wasn’t always the easy choice. But our lives are what we make of it — what we think and what we believe is what our life reflects. Our brains are wired to confirm our beliefs, and if I chose to let all the hardships define my year, I would be sitting here telling a very different story.

Instead, I chose gratitude and acceptance.

I chose to focus my energy on everything I was gaining from every situation — even the shittiest situations. You will be surprised at how much good can be found in the most difficult times. Even while crying my eyes out to a Taylor Swift song, my question would always be, “What did I gain from this?”

There is always something to gain, even if you must dig really deep to find the treasure.

I gave up fighting and forcing life to be what I wanted it to be — literally 99.9% of things are outside of our control, and if the cookie crumbled in a way I wasn’t happy with, I learned to focus on myself instead. My mantra — LET GO OF WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL. This wasn’t an easy one for me at all — I am a control freak to the core and have a long history of chasing and forcing things that aren’t mine to control. It’s not about giving up — it is about understanding that all I could do was focus on my next move, and that next move had to be something that empowered me instead of hitting my head against the same brick wall — because that is called insanity.

It is about trusting life and trusting yourself. Flowing with life rather than swimming against the current makes life a much more enjoyable experience. It creates openness, and when we are open, what is meant to be flows to us instead of us staying stuck in the mud of what was never ours to hold. I am nowhere close to mastering this, but boy, have I made more progress than I could’ve ever dared to imagine just one year ago.

Life is all a matter of perspective — we narrate our own lives, and we give every situation meaning. That story and the meaning you choose to ascribe to your life situations is the reality you are living. If you don’t like the story — guess what… You get to change the narrative.

Lesson 3: Life Is Happening For Me, Not To Me

Closely tied to the above lesson, I learned that life is happening for me. It really isn’t going exactly the way I had hoped or planned, but I cannot deny that, as it unfolds, I kinda see the method in all the madness.

Whoever is pulling the puppet strings of my life or pushing the buttons in this “fun” game is really taking me on a wild ride, but it is the ride I am supposed to be on.

Life is full of endings. Everything eventually comes to an end. If there were no endings, there would be no beginnings, and to evolve and grow, we need those endings so we can have those new beginnings.

It’s a cycle, a natural part of life. Yet we cling to our plans, to people, and to versions of ourselves which no longer serve us. We struggle to accept that our plans aren’t unfolding as they were meant to, that the person we loved no longer loves us back, and that the opportunities we were desperately after are not ours to have.

But one day, when our grip has loosened, and acceptance has kinda settled in — something happens. It may not be the exact way we expected it to happen, or even the exact thing we wanted to happen — but it happens, and we realise why those specific things just some time ago didn’t go our way. Those doors had to close, and sometimes not even open, so new, better doors could open — we needed those lessons, losses, detours and delays. Life had a plan of its own, and it might have taken a while to get you to that destination, but that was your journey that you needed to be on. And as messy, destabilising, uncomfortable and heartbreaking the journey can be at times — it is the most beautiful ride.

So, loosen the grip and let go of what is not yours to hold. Trust that life is working for you, and you will soon see the reason why things don’t always go according to your plan.

Lesson 4: There Is No One Else Like Me — That Is the Point

Probably my most profound takeaway this year — I am perfect. No, I am not conceited. In fact, my entire life, I battled with severe insecurities that in many ways derailed me and fucked up many parts of my life.

This life-changing realisation came during a massage on my birthday when I was wondering whether my ex would bother to wish me. The background story as to why I was wondering whether he would message, and why I even cared if he would, is an entirely different story — shocker — he didn’t message. But during that massage, while I lay there with the intrusive thoughts creeping into my mind, whispering how I had been replaced by some other girl, and how our three-year history had combusted as if it were nothing — not even worthy of a birthday message — a much nicer and more constructive voice popped up

This voice whispered a much more beautiful truth, instead of the deceitful lies I had chosen to take on as my reality for most of my life: there is no other being in this world who is exactly like me. I am unique in every single way. There may be people similar to me, but there will never be another person exactly the same as me. No two people look at things the same way, understand things identically, or operate in the same manner.

So…. If there is no one in this world that can replicate, replace or be compared to me because I am uniquely me — that means that I am perfect. And that means you are perfect too.

I have spent the majority of my 34 years walking this earth comparing myself unfavourably to literally anyone and anything. The world likes to rank us, and the “competition” is rife. We try so hard to fit into what our society, our community, and our family deem as being acceptable, and I allowed the weight of my low self-worth and unhealthy self-concept to almost destroy me.

But, on my 34th birthday, it finally clicked — fuck all that shit. I bring a unique Tamara flavour to everything that I do, and I don’t want to be anyone else because I was made to be perfectly me. And you were made to be perfectly you.

Lesson 5: Being Chosen Starts With Choosing Yourself

At the earliest age, I learnt that love doesn’t come too easily. Whatever was going on around me in my earliest years shaped the idea in my mind that love is unavailable, and that people are typically unavailable too. As I got older, every person I was romantically interested in couldn’t be more unavailable in one way or another. If I really think back, even to those schoolgirl crushes, there was never a time I was actually interested in people who were interested in me. The harder the chase, the more invested I was. And I was never willing to give up until I had gotten what I wanted — the trophy being the proof that I was worthy after all….. talk about a little fucked up.

To paraphrase the great lyrical genius, Taylor Swift — I was on that trapeze, and I was doing everything I could to win the love of others. Ironically, even if I did eventually weigh them down, none of these situations were great for me, and every single time, all I did was abandon myself a little more and reinforce the terrible belief that love is something I had to earn and that it always hurts.

But, lucky me, the universe delivered me a beautiful gift that showed me that love doesn’t always hurt and that I am worthy of being chosen. Yes, my ex wasn’t perfect, and it was definitely not my happily ever, but that experience, coupled with the work I have been doing on myself, shifted my power and raised my bar higher than I thought it could ever be.

However, this year, without me even really looking for it, somehow brought me a couple more unavailable people and some suspect situations. I like to see it as a test from the universe — was I going to do the same thing and accept less than what I deserve? Was I going to chase people down and convince them to choose me? Or was I going to fight my hardwiring, do everything to regulate my nervous system and choose myself instead?

Let me tell you, there are moments I basically caved. There were moments I sat in the discomfort of anxiety as my mind told me that I needed to “win” the person over, even if I was never really that invested to begin with. The “rejection” being all too familiar and all too uncomfortable to bear. But instead of abandoning myself, I sat through it all, and I fought most of the temptations to act as I always had. Every time I chose to say no to something that didn’t feel right, say no to what didn’t align with what I wanted, and to accept someone else’s decision without fighting it, I took leaps forward, and I broke through wiring that has kept me tethered to unhealthy beliefs and behaviours for decades. But most importantly, instead of needing to be chosen by someone else to feel worthy, I chose myself over choosing someone else. The result? The self-worth is blossoming!

Although far from fully healed, and currently going through a situation that really convinces me that Taylor Swift’s The Prophecy is written about my life, I now know that nothing that is meant for me will pass me by as long as I keep choosing myself.

I don’t just want anyone in my life — I want someone valuable, and I want a valuable relationship. I am clear on that now — and I understand that to have value, I need to be of value, and I need to be able to hold space for someone who is valuable too.

As tough as it is, I am learning to trust the timing of my life, and while I wait to see what the universe delivers, my focus is on being the best version of me I can be.

Lesson 6: Action Comes Before Clarity

There is a track, You Don’t Know What You Are, that I listen to just about every day from emonthebrain. There is a piece in it where she says, “You can’t see the path to the top of the mountain from the bottom. You don’t need to see it in order to get there. You only need to see the path that lays directly before you from where you stand now. All you need to do is take the next right step.”

This is a lesson I only partly learned this year, when I made the bold move to go out into the world and do things I have wanted to do, even if it meant doing them alone. It was about being my own best friend and following what excited me, even if it meant being out of my comfort zone and in the world without the safety net of “my “people. Going into 2026, this intention expands and is very much my number one priority.

I am a master of procrastination, and not because I am lazy, but because I am scared and I doubt myself so much. I have a million ideas, but I struggle to fully conceptualise any of them. I think I have a starting point, only to delay and delay and never actually begin.

I have been so focused on what the ending needs to look like and whether everything is perfect before I begin, that I have delayed my life and dreams in so many ways. The big goal can seem unmanageable, even a little scary. Self-doubt creeps in and whispers all the reasons it may not work out. The amygdala, the default mode network, and our reward systems in the brain all try to keep us safe in the comfort of what we know, even when we desperately want something different.

It is important for us to know what we want the end to look like, but to get there, we must take a million tiny steps. In its entirety, our goal can seem daunting, so much so that we hit stage fright, but each tiny little step is, in actual fact, a breeze. Our dreams cannot materialise if we don’t act — sitting and fantasising isn’t what is going to get us there. Contrary to popular belief, manifestation isn’t about willing something into existence — it is about having absolute clarity on what you want and then taking daily actions aligned with reaching that goal.

You don’t need to see the path to the top of the mountain because the journey will be filled with twists and turns, but if you keep stepping forward and you don’t retreat to the known safety, you will eventually get to the top of your mountain.

The path may be rocky, there may be detours and delays, and the view from the peak may not be exactly what you thought it would be when you took that very first step, but once you get there, you will have conquered your own mountain.

There can be no regrets with taking the journey, only regrets with not.

So, let 2026 be the year you stop making excuses, put down the phone, switch off the million streaming services, and just take the very first step. That very first intentional move toward your goal will set into motion a catalyst of events that can only make you better and take you where you need to be. But always remember, you will be tested. Do not let those tests put you back into the comfort of sitting on your couch and daydreaming about how amazing your life could be.

We are in the sunset of 2025, and endings are always an incredible time for reflection. It is time to ask yourself what your greatest lessons were — what are you shedding and leaving behind, and what are you bringing forward with you into 2026?

2026 is the year of the fire horse, which only occurs every 60 years. The year is symbolised by forward action and breakthroughs after a year of reflection and release. The element of fire encourages us to go after our dreams, embrace change, and take bold action. It is meant to bring us a year of great transformation.

If you, like me, had a bit of a tough year, 2026 is a year to take leaps forward and leave the past behind. It is time to really think about what you want your year to look like — who do you want to be, how do you want to live, what do you want to achieve, and how do you want to feel? Lock those intentions in and be crystal clear on even the smallest details — the universe has a funny way of making magic happen, but only if you know what you want and are willing to take the aligned action.

Embrace the fire horse energy and make your dreams come true — I wish you all the most incredible and transformative 2026!