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Why It’s So Hard to Let Go
Breaking away from a toxic friendship isn’t as easy as it sounds, right? Even if you recognize the friendship is no longer serving you, other factors—like how long you’ve known each other, shared experiences, or fear of loneliness—can make it hard to pull the plug. It can be hard to make new friends as an adult so letting one go might feel scary.
Dr. Franco and I discussed a psychological concept called investment theory, which basically says the more time and emotional energy you’ve put into a relationship, the harder it is to let go, even if you know it’s no longer working for you.
Add in the societal pressure of loyalty and you might find yourself staying in friendships that are slowly eroding your self-esteem. You’re not alone in feeling this way, but staying in these relationships can take a toll on your mental health over time. I often tell my clients (and myself) that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.
How to Set Boundaries and Move Forward
So, how do you start setting boundaries in a toxic friendship without it feeling like a full-blown breakup? Dr. Franco shared some helpful advice, which I’ve also seen work wonders in my therapy and coaching practice:
Open a Dialogue: Instead of jumping straight to ending the friendship, try talking about what’s been bothering you. Use “I” statements to avoid making your friend feel attacked. For example, “I feel hurt when I reach out and don’t hear back for days. I value our friendship and would love to find a way to communicate better.”
Assess Their Response: Sometimes, just opening the door to a conversation can bring positive changes. But if your friend becomes defensive, dismissive, or hostile, this is valuable information. It shows you whether the friendship has the potential to evolve or if it’s time to walk away.
Know When It’s Time to Let Go: If you’ve tried setting boundaries and nothing changes, it’s okay to end the friendship. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Remember, your emotional energy is valuable, and you deserve friendships that lift you up, not tear you down.
Want More Insights? Let’s Continue the Conversation
Friendships, like any relationship, require self-awareness and growth. If this topic is resonating with you and you’d like more guidance, I have a free resource that might help. Take my How Healthy is Your Self-Esteem quiz to get more insight into how your self-esteem may be impacting your relationships.
Also, I’d love to personally connect with you. If you’ve been struggling with difficult friendships or any other relationship challenges, feel free to book a free consultation with one of our therapists or coaches. We’re here to help you navigate these tricky waters.
Lastly, don’t forget to follow me on Instagram or subscribe to my YouTube channel where I host weekly livestreams. Our next one is coming up this Thursday at 12 pm MT, and I’ll be answering your questions live on navigating toxic friendships. You can even submit an anonymous question in advance here.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: Do you know someone who’s going through a tough time in a friendship? Share this article with them—they might really need to hear this today.
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