Divorce is devastating. It’s heartbreaking, it’s gut-wrenchingly sad, and it can be really, really depressing. When people think of what divorce does to a woman (or a man), I bet they think of all the potential negative things:
1. Divorce makes a woman bitter.
2. It breaks her heart.
3. It makes someone lonely.
4. It makes someone untrustworthy.
5. It makes someone have less self-confidence.
6. It makes a person weak.
I could not disagree more!
What divorce does to a woman in my opinion is that somewhere during the journey, it empowers her, makes her stronger, and makes her a better overall person.
Here are 8 great things that can happen to a woman who goes through a divorce:
1. Divorce makes you independent.
You might not have asked for it and you might not want it, but you don’t have a choice. You are now an independent person. Being independent can be scary at first, but I don’t think it takes long to not only feel comfortable being independent, but to enjoy it, and feel proud and happy that you are making decisions, fixing things in your home, and being a parent all on your own. I absolutely LOVE my independence except for in isolated situations such as when I see a big spider or when it’s below zero and I don’t feel like taking out the trash! Independence fosters self-worth and self-love. It makes you feel great about yourself.
2. Divorce might make you go back to work.
When people get divorced, women who were stay-at-home moms are often forced to go back to work because of finances. I can tell you firsthand it was very scary. I hadn’t worked in 10 years. Getting up to speed on computer technology was probably the most frightening thing for me. But, going back to work has HUGE benefits!! Work is productive, and that brings self-esteem, self love and confidence! You will love yourself when you feel smart and productive and you see that “You still got it!” Also, getting dressed up every day and putting on makeup is the “I feel frumpy” fix. There’s something to be said for looking good for most of the day 5 days a week. Lastly, you will meet so many men and women who could become friends, and maybe even romantic interests. Nothing bad ever comes from work. It’s always good.
3. It can make you less lonely.
When I was getting divorced, people would always give me this look that was saying to me, “I feel so sorry for you.” I felt like saying, “Please don’t give me that look! I didn’t just tell you I had cancer!” In fact, if they knew how a divorced person felt, they would give me a happy look. Because, when you have been divorced for awhile, you will probably look back and say, “Wow. I was really lonely in my marriage.” I truly believe it is better to be lonely while you’re alone, than lonely if you are in a relationship. Loneliness is a terrible feeling, but you won’t be lonely forever. I promise!!
4. It can make you more creative and fun.
What divorce does to a woman is that it causes her to become a decorator and home organizer! Do you realize that you can re-decorate and re-organize your home, and make it exactly the way you want it? Pink and shabby chic and feminine. Do whatever you’d like! You’re the boss!
5. Divorce can make you more interesting, active and unafraid.
I have a friend who was married for 27 years. Her husband blindsided her and left her for another woman. She was obviously devastated. In fact, there were times I was beyond worried about her and wasn’t sure she’d be okay. Let me tell you what she has done over the past 4 years.
She has run a marathon, she’s traveled to Israel, Spain, China, and all over the US., she has joined a softball league, and she never says no to any adventure. She said she would never have done all these things if she was still married. What divorce does to a woman is open doors to people and things she wouldn’t have otherwise seen.
6. It forces you to say bu-bye to your mother in law.
For some people, never seeing their in-laws after divorce is very upsetting. To others, never having to deal with their in-laws again is a huge perk. So, obviously this only applies to people who look at never having to see their mother-in-law again as a gift. Everything that bugged you about her is ancient history! Woo hoo!
7. Divorce allows you to parent the way you want.
A lot of people I talk to tell me that they became a better parent after their divorce. First, they are able to discipline and set house rules they might not have been able to enforce when the other parent was in the home. However, remember that you can’t control what happens at your ex’s house. Also, as single parents, we appreciate our time with our children more.
Quality always wins over quantity. In other words, sure, you may see your children a less number of days throughout the year, but if you take advantage of every moment you have with them, you will be truly fulfilled, and you will continue to be a wonderful parent, even better. Talk to your kids, laugh with them, hug and kiss them, play with them. Just love them. They need you now more than ever. And you are here for them.
8. Divorce creates an opportunity to be with the right person.
Regardless of who left who, you now have a chance to get it right in love. You have a chance to have a meaningful, loving relationship with someone who is right for you. If your husband or wife left you, you will possibly realize in time that the person did you a favor. Because, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them? Mr. or Ms. Right is out there.
Give it time and don’t try too hard. Just enjoy your life and let love come to you. I’m not saying you don’t have to make an effort to meet people (that’s a whole other article.) But don’t obsess. Do things you love and spend time with people who make you feel good and let things happen.
In closing, what divorce does to a woman in my opinion is it makes her wiser, more mature, more interesting, and more appreciative of relationships.
During your darkest times, the times when the tears don’t seem to stop, when stress seems to overwhelm you, and when sadness envelops your soul, please try to look at all these positives that divorce does for a woman!
