When the Therapist Becomes the Client

Therapists in Therapy: Blind Spots & Boundaries | Dr. Bill Doherty

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.

Therapists spend their careers helping others gain clarity about themselves, their relationships, and their lives. However, when the roles reverse—when the therapist becomes the client—therapy for therapists can become surprisingly complicated. Many clinicians discover that professional training can create blind spots that are difficult to recognize in their own lives.

So do therapists need therapy too? In many cases, the answer is yes. In fact, personal therapy is a common and valuable experience for many mental health professionals. Still, what happens when a therapist needs therapy often looks different from the typical therapy process.

In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we explore the unique dynamics that arise when a therapist becomes a client, and why relational awareness matters just as much for therapists as it does for the people they support.

Why Therapy for Therapists Can Be Challenging

Many clinicians deeply believe in the value of therapy. They understand emotional language, psychological frameworks, and the process of personal growth. As a result, they often enter therapy as highly engaged participants.

However, therapy for therapists can still present unique challenges.

Therapists sometimes arrive in therapy with strong assumptions about the root of the problem and the best method of treatment. As Dr. Doherty notes, this situation can resemble a physician attempting to prescribe their own treatment. When someone believes they already understand their psychological patterns, it can be difficult to remain open to new insights.

Research confirms that personal therapy is common among mental health professionals. Studies examining psychologists and psychotherapists show that many clinicians seek therapy during their careers (Norcross et al., 2005; Orlinsky et al., 2011). These experiences often deepen empathy and strengthen clinical awareness.

Still, the experience of being a therapist as a client can feel uncomfortable. Therapists may analyze the process, evaluate their therapist’s approach, or mentally interpret each interaction instead of fully participating in the emotional work.

For this reason, stepping out of the professional role can be one of the most important parts of therapy for therapists.

If you’d like to explore this topic further, you may enjoy our article on therapy for therapists and the role personal therapy plays in preventing burnout.

Emotional Intelligence vs. Relational Intelligence

Therapists often develop strong emotional intelligence. They can identify feelings, interpret psychological patterns, and communicate about emotional experiences.

However, emotional awareness is not the same as relational intelligence.

Relational intelligence involves understanding the patterns that emerge between people. Instead of focusing only on internal emotions, it asks a deeper question:

How am I contributing to the pattern between us?

For example, someone might say:

“When my partner criticizes me, it reminds me of experiences from my family of origin.”

Although that insight may be accurate, relational intelligence asks us to also examine our responses, behaviors, and communication patterns.

Because relationships function as systems, both individuals shape the dynamic.

Developing relational awareness helps therapists identify blind spots in their own relationships. In fact, examining blind spots is also central to topics like cultural competence in therapy. You can learn more about that in our article on uncovering blind spots through cultural competence.

Therapist Blind Spots in Relationships

Therapists spend years learning to interpret psychological patterns. However, this expertise can sometimes create unexpected challenges in personal relationships.

One common blind spot involves over-analyzing others.

When conflict occurs, therapists may interpret their partner’s behavior using psychological frameworks. They may think about attachment styles, personality traits, or childhood experiences.

Although these insights can sometimes be helpful, they can also create emotional distance. When someone feels psychologically analyzed rather than emotionally understood, defensiveness often follows.

Because of this, therapists must remain aware of the power dynamics that can arise from psychological expertise. Our article on power dynamics in therapy explores how authority and interpretation can influence relationships.

Similarly, maintaining clear boundaries is essential. If this topic resonates with you, you may also find value in our guides on setting healthy boundaries as a therapist and therapeutic boundaries in clinical practice.

Boundaries vs. The “Perfect Conversation”

Therapists often believe that emotional challenges should be resolved through meaningful conversations. In therapy, deep dialogue frequently leads to growth and insight.

However, not every relationship improves through repeated emotional discussions.

In some situations, particularly with long-standing family dynamics, conversations may not create meaningful change. In those cases, boundaries may be more effective than attempting another emotional breakthrough.

Boundaries shift the focus away from changing the other person and toward changing our own participation in the relationship.

These issues often intersect with professional decisions about disclosure and therapeutic roles. Our article on self-disclosure in therapy explores how therapists navigate these challenges.

Why Therapists May Struggle in Their Own Relationships

Interestingly, research suggests that certain helping professions experience higher divorce rates. A comparison of divorce rates across hundreds of occupations identified meaningful differences among professional groups (McCoy & Aamodt, 2010). Broader research on education and marital stability also highlights social factors influencing divorce patterns (Martin, 2006).

Several explanations may contribute to this pattern.

First, therapists often develop high expectations for emotional intimacy. Because they regularly witness vulnerable conversations in therapy sessions, they may expect the same level of openness in their personal relationships.

However, everyday relationships include routine responsibilities, practical conversations, and moments of emotional distance.

Second, therapists sometimes psychologize everyday conflict. While insight can be helpful, not every disagreement requires a complex explanation rooted in childhood experiences or attachment theory.These dynamics can also contribute to burnout. If you’d like to learn more, explore our articles on why therapists are vulnerable to burnout and therapist burnout and how helping others can begin to hurt you.