Why Are Marriages Not Successful in India?

Marriages are not going well in India. In fact, more than half of the Indian men do not want to get married.

According To Indian Media: 42% of the youth aged between 26 to 40 years said that they neither want to get married nor take the responsibility of children.

Indian men’s trust in marriage is at an all-time low. Earlier, girls were afraid of getting married because there were many cases of domestic violence.

Nowadays, boys do not want to get married because they have been accused of fake cases. By tricking them, they are asked for alimony and heavy maintenance.

Indian Court Statement: Please don’t tell the court that this is all the person requires. 6,16,300 INR per Month. Does anybody spend this month a single lady by herself?

She is earning more than 1,30,000 INR per month and has also taken 40,00,000 INR from her ex-husband, and after that, she is demanding maintenance from her second husband also. This is a real case. Look at this case.

A wife filed an alimony case of 50M INR from her US-based husband, and in this case, the name of the entire family was written; the name of the husband’s 85-year-old father was also written; the Supreme Court settled this case for 10.2M INR.

After hearing such horror stories of divorce, people now feel it is better to remain single than getting married; even if they get married, there are so many villains in their own house that they do not allow the marriage to work; one is the boy’s mother, the other is the boy’s wife, the third is the boy’s wife’s mother.

Okay, because of these three, this is happening to some people; career is more than marriage. According to some people, marriage has become such a costly affair, and life is already so uncertain that they do not want to take this step. Some people do not want the responsibilities of the family.

Are arranged marriages the reason for the breakdown of marriages in India? Can love marriage be a solution? Let us see how marriages are failing in India.

FAILING INDIAN MARRIAGES

Before knowing how a typical marriage is in India, let us see. But even today, mostly arranged marriages take place. In a survey of 2018, it was found that in India, 90% of marriages are arranged, so how can it be an arranged marriage?

First of all, India is such a big country that nothing can be applied to all the people at the same time. Apart from this, we have very different customs and culture generally.

If you look here, the age of 25 is considered to be the age of marriage, and the family members start looking at the relationship. This is because it takes time to find and establish a relationship.

You must have usually seen that someone or another relative tells about the relationship. They are called middlemen, meaning the middleman can be any uncle, aunt, or aunt. These people introduce both families.

The biodata of the boy and the girl are exchanged, and the boy’s family comes to see the girl. After this, a lot of background verification takes place.

Usually, the girl’s family sees that the boy’s family has a lot of wealth. No, there is so much respect in society, and boys see how big a program a girl can do and how much dowry they can get.

Transactions are discussed in the first meeting itself, but none of the boys says that we need a car, we need a bed, everyone has the same dialogue that we only want girls in two couples, we do not lack anything.

The girl’s parents also create such an image of their girl that such a polite and intelligent girl will not be found in the entire world.

If the families are a little open-minded, then they can go to a temple or to a restaurant. The boys also organize a meeting with the girl, in which they waste half the time in shyness, and no meaningful conversation takes place.

After this, the relationship gets confirmed, and the marriage is done within a maximum of 6 months. During this period, some families allow the boy to talk to the girl on the phone, but in many families, both people meet directly on the wedding day itself.

That is, basically, both people get married on the trust that the family members will agree to do so. It must be good if they have searched for someone, or else the family members do not let them go by putting pressure on them and get them married wherever they want.

Someone has their own expectation, preference, past, how to live, what are the habits, does not tell anything, in the name of likes or dislikes, there is only discussion about favorite colour, favorite food, and film.

On the other hand, the family members start telling each other their demands in a subtle manner, and the talk about sending a girl to two couples is now discussed in the name of a luxury car, and the girl reaches the program worth 2M INR.

The girl’s parents try their best to ensure that the girl does not have to live with her in-laws. Initially, these people remained separate because, according to the father-in-law, they had made a complete plan to get her served from now on.

While the girl only knows how to make Maggi in the name of food, ignoring all these red flakes, she gets married, and the real problem starts from here.

Now it has to be said that times have changed these days, people have become open-minded, but the boy’s family The expectations one has from one’s daughter-in-law have not changed much in today’s time.

So everyone needs it because the house is run only together, but still, the expectation is that the daughter-in-law should first do the household work and then go to the office.

She should cook everyone’s food before going to the office in the morning, and also cook food for everyone after coming from the office.

After this, all the work of the boy should also be done by him because he has not been taught anything, and this is what is called a mother’s boy.

The entire burden of the household work is put on the single girl, but nowadays, the way the girls are brought up. It is not much different from boys.

That is, boys were not being taught household chores. Now the same is being done to girls, too. My point is that everyone should know a life skill like cooking.

Ideally, it should be that, along with girls, boys should also be taught to wash clothes. But what happens is the opposite.

Nowadays, girls are being made to race like boys, that is, they are not being taught even the basic tasks, so now both People have become dependent on each other, and neither of them knows anything.

Then, when the same girl comes to her in-laws’ house after marriage, she starts having problems because the mother-in-law was thinking that now, finally, her wife will do the work of my son and will also serve us.

But she is not even able to do her work. She is talking about hiring a maid. So, first of all, the mother-in-law and father-in-law get worried here.

Then the mentality is such that this is also going on inside. If she has not brought anything in dowry to compensate for this, then she has to indirectly listen to taunts.

In our country, most of the people live with their parents even after marriage, no matter how small the house is, because of this, the couple does not have any privacy at all.

Consultation is going on. The pain is coming out. The lady says, Guruji, we have to do it by turning on the TV. At night, I said, let’s not talk about anything. They say there is confusion in the morning. Why did you switch on the TV? So, 10:30 11 am.

Nowadays, all the boys and girls have a lot of aspirations as to how they should live and what they should wear.

And the honeymoon period is the time when they get a chance to explore all these things, but in most of our families, there are a lot of rules and restrictions on how a new daughter-in-law should live.

Mother-in-law and father-in-law want the daughter-in-law to take care of the house, but have not given her even a single decision-making power. They also have the final word.

On top of that, nowadays everyone needs a little space, which is not available in a middle-class family.

The girl’s parents expect that their daughter should be treated in her in-laws’ house in the same way as she is treated at home.

And if the girl is working, then they have very unrealistic expectations.

First of all, they want a boy who earns three-four times more money than the girl.

After this, the girl also has a different attitude that I will not let anyone else. I am a little dependent on the salary, that’s why there is an entitlement.

Apart from this, the lifestyle of the working women becomes quite different. Leaving the house early, coming late, eating outside, and all these things are not liked by the mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Hence, there is a separate debate on this matter. Girls have seen their mothers selflessly busy in household chores. Many mothers were also educated, but after marriage, they were told to leave everything.

After this, there was tension in marriages also, there were fights in the house, and all this was observed a lot by the girls of our generation.

That is why the girls of today have already decided that in their marriage, they will not make any compromise in anything, will not make any kind of adjustment.

And this stubbornness also complicates the marriage. Apart from this, a very common thing has been noticed that in a newly married girl, the mother of the girl is very strict.

The things and manners of the new house evolve; instead of figuring it out on their own, a call is made directly to the mother.

Whose intentions are not wrong, because she herself has suffered so much in her marriage, has seen so much, she cannot see her daughter facing even the slightest inconvenience.

The role of the girl’s mother is that she has had castes with her, which has been done by the male gender, who is her husband. But she cannot take revenge on her husband. She wants to take revenge on her son-in-law. She says that this should not happen to her daughter.

That’s why it is also a very common complaint of the boys’ parents that why does the girl gets a call from her mother 10–10 times a day.

Why do girls tell small things on the phone at home? You must have seen that many reels have been made on this, and this very thing again creates the problem.

The boy tells the girl anything about her mother, and then the girl tells something about the boy’s mother. She speaks, and things happen as soon as possible.

It increases a lot in all these things, mostly the boy gets crushed because on one side is his mother and on the other side is his wife.

How does the conflict start? A female comes on the first day, does not show up on the first day, and is seen for a month, two months, or four months. She sees that man, this husband is fine, but this is not the case, his mother does some drama, that is in her eyes, it is drama. And there will be drama, chillum, chilly, emotional blackmail, crying, and washing. Passive Aggressive Silent Treatment, these are all words in English. And every time he breaks the ground and says, you can’t do even this much for mom. She was saying this much, it could have been this much, just this much. He keeps doing so much; he keeps becoming a hero to me. The value of doing this drama and creating this nuisance is also within me because she is a woman. So I am also a woman, and a woman can do anything; we have heard the dialogue, it’s okay. And the third woman is his mother, who is his coach.

Earlier times were different. No matter how many fights happened, both families still tried to resolve the problem.

People did not even know the name of divorce. If you ask your grandparents, this is a very new thing for them.

In fact, you might have heard such a story about your parents or aunts or uncles that, in the beginning, they used to cause a lot of trouble, and there used to be a lot of fights.

But when the children grew up, everything was fine. If it happened, then running the marriage at any cost would mean that the main girl would have to make all the compromises.

Somehow, she would have to adjust; there was no option of coming back home or divorce.

The elders of the house used to make decisions together, but nowadays this does not happen. If the matter goes too far, then a call is made directly to number 100 (INDIAN POLICE), and the court case goes on.

Now, from the women’s point of view, this is a very good system; it has been made only to protect them.

But then Gradually this also started getting misused, and nowadays we see more fake cases in which the boys have no option but to travel.

First of all, false cases and accusations bring a bad reputation in society, even if the girl has not been touched.

The policemen and lawyers themselves advise that if you want to make a strong case, then get all the sections of domestic violence and dowry imposed. Get the names of all the family members registered and suffering.

Only the boys have to suffer, and then their shoes get worn out while running around the court.

Neither is the man is able to concentrate on his job nor does he get peace at home.

Nowadays, the demand starts from 2M–3M INR in alimony Money. The girl who used to oppose Dow by becoming a modern and independent feminist.

Does not waste a minute in getting an amini, but many girls have made it a business.

Look, I am not saying that the girl only makes false cases. And the boy’s parents are completely innocent.

But those are the genuine cases in which the girl is actually troubled; that girl always wants to get rid of the boy and his family as soon as possible.

She will fight a case to send the boy to jail; money is not her priority.

Many men these days do not want to get married because they have heard the next divorce story around them.

They feel that being single is a better option. In India, there is no option of a prenup.

That’s why they say that if you get trapped, then everything that you have built with so much hard work will be destroyed.

Look at this news, the marriage did not last even for 50 days, and had to pay 5M INR in alimony.

Those who do not want to get married also have a point of view that NEETs are also complete without marriage.

So, what is the need to get married? Life has become so unaffordable that the quality of life in India is so bad.

What is the benefit of having children? Apart from this, people get married for the sake of education and career.

The average age is that she has also been pushed a lot.

According to me, the failure of marriages in India is not just due to the reason that we have arranged marriages. There are multiple reasons for this.

People who have done love marriages also have problems in their marriage. In fact, in many cases, love marriages come next more than arranged marriages, where there is fighting and abuse in those couples.

To ensure that marriages do not fail in India, we need social change.

First of all, the foundation of marriage has to be made so strong that no such external problem comes that can make things so bad.

And this foundation will be formed through communication. Whether it is an arranged marriage or a love marriage.

Before marriage, both people should get a chance to know and understand each other well.

And now even the parents have started understanding this, which is why most of the families are now discouraging boys and girls from marriage.

Before letting the boy and the girl meet, they should make sure that the marriage partner is very open and honest.

No one will tell you about their bad things to you, nor will they tell you about the past. Hence, it is very important to give time.

You will have to observe some things. I have also seen that two people meet through arranged marriages.

The relationship also becomes firm, but after two-three months, when the boy and the girl talked to you, they got relieved that they are not so compatible.

That’s why the marriage was called off.

I have also seen such cases in which the Kundali (Indian Horoscopes) of the boy and the girl did not match, but their thoughts matched.

Compatibility was found, and on the basis of that, they got married, and it is going well.

Analyze each other on every parameter. What are each other’s preferences? How much do they match with each other?

What kind of lifestyle do both of you want? Do you want children or not? When do you want them?

Family members start pressuring only after a few months of marriage.

How important is a career for a girl? Will the boy want to relocate for the girl’s job?

What is the financial situation of both of them? What are the loans? What are the liabilities?

These are tough conversations, but if you are getting married for the whole life, then it is very important to have this conversation before the marriage.

Many times, even after marriage, the girl has to express herself financially to her parents and her siblings.

It has to be seen how a person deals with any kind of change, whether he panics suddenly or his work remains intact.

Or his response is of my way or the highway, he is very flexible in life, or according to the situation.

Apart from this, you may have many personal questions. In this way, you will be able to talk to each other or get to know each other better.

You will know how much compatibility you have with each other.

Do not melt down just on each other’s looks or wealth. Use your brain a little; it is a matter of your whole life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.