What Does it Mean to “Hold Space” for Someone?

How to Hold Space for Someone

So, how exactly can you hold space for someone you care about, and create safe containers for you and your partner to navigate difficult conversations? Here are a few emotional intelligence skills that will help: 

1. Self-Compassion

Having a self-compassionate, comforting inner voice can help you manage your emotions so that you can stay regulated enough to hold space for your partner when they’re feeling upset. If you have a tendency to beat yourself up for mistakes, that can make it more difficult for you to “stay in the ring” when your partner is telling you about something that makes you feel defensive. 

2. Self-Awareness

You can’t manage your feelings until you are aware of your feelings. And this can be more difficult than it sounds. Tune into your body and notice the feelings that are rising up in you during difficult conversations. Practice naming your emotions, listening to the information they’re bringing you, and then finding ways to self-soothe. 

3. Respond, Don’t React

Creating a space between your thoughts, feelings, and your actions allows you to respond to your partner rather than reacting out of guilt, shame, fear, or anger. If you feel yourself getting elevated, slow down, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break from the conversation if you need it. Just be sure to let your partner know that you’re taking a break and when you’ll be back. 

4. Practice Curiosity

Rather than trying to fix or change the other person’s emotions or experience, simply listen. Ask clarifying questions with the intent to understand how they’re feeling (and not in an effort to invalidate their emotions or disagree with their experience). 

5. Use Validating Statements

Simply using a validating statement like, “It makes sense that you feel that way,” can help your partner feel heard and cared for, and can create an emotionally safe space where they feel able to open up to you about their feelings. This deepens emotional intimacy in your relationship and turns conflict into connection. 

Support for Close, Connected Relationships

I hope this article helped you explore the meaning of “holding space” for someone and gave you some ideas about how to practice containment in your most important relationships. I know that this skill is key to creating closer connections, and I hope you are able to put it to good use. 

And if you would like support with practicing these skills in your relationship, I invite you to schedule a free consultation. 

Sincerely, 

Kara C., M.S., MFTC