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How to Be More Assertive: Practical Steps
So, what practical steps can you take to start becoming more assertive in your relationships? Here are the top tips that I share with my clients:
- Learn About Your Basic Rights
Familiarize yourself with your basic rights as a human being. You have the right to autonomy, safety, self-expression, dignity, and more. Understanding what you are entitled to can give you a foundation for communicating your boundaries assertively.
- Distinguish Healthy Boundaries
Differentiate between assertive boundary setting and “toxic” boundaries. Healthy boundaries empower and protect, while toxic boundaries can feel controlling and can harm relationships.
- Accept Discomfort
Being assertive doesn’t always feel comfy, for anyone. Accepting that you will sometimes feel uncomfortable is an important step in learning how to be more assertive.
- Develop Self-Soothing Tools
Learning self-soothing techniques can help you manage the discomfort and anxiety that may come up as you practice assertiveness. This may include mindfulness, deep breathing, or other calming practices. A good therapist can help you practice new strategies to regulate yourself during difficult moments.
- Understand the Anatomy of Assertive Boundaries
Learn about assertive boundaries and familiarize yourself with assertiveness scripts. Having a toolkit of communication skills can help you find the words to express yourself assertively.
- Be Prepared for Different Responses
Accept that others may not always respond as you hope when you assert yourself, especially if they’re used to you being fairly passive in the relationship. Trust yourself to navigate whatever reactions come up.
- Practice Regularly
Finally, practice, practice, practice. Being assertive feels easier the more you do it, so don’t give up!
Support for Assertive Communication
I hope this article gave you some useful information about how to become more assertive. I know that putting these ideas into practice can be challenging, but with consistency, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and feel more at-ease in your relationships with others.
And if you would like my support with developing assertiveness skills and increasing your self-esteem, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.
Sincerely,
Sources
- Omura M, Levett-Jones T, Stone TE. Evaluating the impact of an assertiveness communication training programme for Japanese nursing students: A quasi-experimental study. Nurs Open. 2018 Dec 9;6(2):463-472. doi: 10.1002/nop2.228. PMID: 30918697; PMCID: PMC6419109. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6419109/
- Empathy and Assertive Communication. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED199793
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