[ad_1]
–
.
Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
Amplification of Certainty
The point I’m making is that in three months, you can either do a lot to amplify someone’s certainty about you—or a lot to hurt someone’s certainty about you.
None of that is necessarily based on the “laundry list” people often give. You know when someone says, “I have a great life. I have a great career. I have hobbies. I have friends. I’ve done therapy. I’ve got this, I’ve got that…” On paper, it sounds like you’ve got your life figured out.
But it’s entirely possible to have all of those things and still have someone’s certainty around you deteriorate.
Because what you subcommunicate beneath all of that is that you’re not certain of yourself—or your ability to hold on to someone.
We want to be with someone who, on some level, knows they’re a catch. That gives us comfort and certainty. They know they’re worth something—and I believe that too.
And not just internally. You want that validated externally as well.
Win Over the People They Love
If you really like someone and you’re trying to make a good impression, win over the people they love. That’s such an easy way to have an amazing PR campaign happening in the background for you.
Early on, we went to see friends of mine in LA—a husband and wife, John and Amy, and their kids. At one point, Audrey went off to play with their little girl, and I was sitting at the table with John and Amy.
John looked at me and said, “You can’t let this one go.”
He ended up marrying us.
He’d only known Audrey for 20 or 30 minutes, maybe an hour. And he was like, “You can’t let this one go.” Amy leaned over and said, “This is the one, right? I don’t want to overstep, but… she’s the one.”
That was a huge amplification of certainty for me. These are people I love and trust. It would be nice to say it didn’t matter—but it did.
It made me think, “Oh, that feeling I’m having isn’t just in my own head. Other people see it too.”
That amplification of certainty is real. And it’s an important practical lesson: the people someone loves and trusts are important people to connect with when you get the chance.
Not in an over-the-top way—that can backfire—but by simply showing up as your best self.
Don’t Be Your Own Worst Advocate
We can be our own worst advocate.
We can do more to harm someone’s certainty than anyone else by subtly questioning ourselves, questioning where the relationship is going, or whether we’re good enough. We give off micro-cues that make someone doubt themselves and their feelings.
From the day we meet someone, it’s almost our job not to be a passive passenger in attraction. It’s our job to be an active agent in amplifying their sense of certainty about us.
We have agency in that.
The Three-Month Curse
If you have an opinion on the three-month curse—have you experienced it? Have we missed something about why this happens? Email us at podcast@matthewhussey.com. We want to hear from you.
An Email from “B”
“Hi Matthew,
I have only today called time on my relationship with a married man. I cannot believe I became involved. He lied online, and after nine months I discovered he was married. I don’t know why—I have frequently questioned it—but I continued my relationship with him for over five years.
Your podcast really helped me today. Everything you said reinforced my decision. I now fully understand why it has been so difficult to end it, although I have ended it so many times before.”
Thank you so much, B, for emailing in. It means a lot to us.
We’ve all done things we look back on and think, “I can’t believe I stayed in that situation for that long. I would never do that today.”
How did I miss so much? How did the truth elude me for so long?
We’re all going to have some version of that in our lives. It’s a powerful opportunity to practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness—and to define our character by what we do today, rather than living in regret and shame about yesterday.
Love Lifeline: When to Bring Up Boundaries
This week’s Love Lifeline question comes from Elena:
She’s been single for a while and is now in a relationship. Sometimes her boundaries feel crossed or she gets triggered. She usually brings it up right away—but worries it’s taking a toll.
How often can you bring things up before it becomes nagging? Should you observe quietly in the early stages—or proactively set boundaries from the start?
Is It Too Soon to Speak Up?
In the very early stages, your goal should be to have fun and figure out whether you even want to be with this person. Unless something is massively egregious—like extreme rudeness or serious disrespect—you might simply note it and see if it becomes a pattern.
Standards aren’t about trying to change someone. They’re about deciding whether you want to let that person in.
The 24-Hour Rule
A helpful rule: if something bothers you, wait 24 hours. If it still bothers you, bring it up.
Especially if you’re sensitive, lots of things can bother you in the moment. Sleep gets rid of the emotion and leaves you with the facts.
If it still matters, say something like:
“Can I talk to you about something? It’s not a big deal, but I don’t want to get resentful. When you said that, it made me feel jealous. I know that might just be my reaction, but I hope you can see how it made me feel.”
If you’re with the right person, they’ll respond with empathy. If they’re defensive or gaslighting you, that tells you something too.
Pick Your Battles
If four things have bothered you in the past two weeks, it might not be beneficial to bring up all four at once.
Focus on the headline issue—the one that truly affects your quality of life.
There’s a difference between meaningful incompatibilities and minor differences that feel heightened because dating is inherently insecure. The first few months can be a push-pull. Someone might feel less certain for a week. That doesn’t mean it’s doomed.
The key question is: are you amplifying certainty, or damaging it?
Have humility. Be self-aware about your triggers. Take responsibility for what’s yours. And pick your battles wisely.
Steve Sleeves: The Three-Month Disney Curse
In this segment, we explored whether certain Disney couples would survive the three-month mark.
Ariel & Eric
Ariel forgets Eric’s birthday three months in.
If Eric says it hurt him and Ariel responds with empathy—acknowledging she’s still learning what matters to him—they can survive.
If she brushes it off, that’s a problem. It comes down to emotional sensitivity.
Meg & Hercules
Meg starts losing respect because Hercules won’t stand up to Phil, who’s taking advantage of him.
Losing respect three months in is dangerous. If Meg can approach it with compassion and help him grow, maybe it survives. If she just checks out internally, it’s likely cursed.
Jafar & Hades
Hades jokes about Jafar’s snake staff and refuses to take his feelings seriously.
Two narcissistic personalities in one relationship? That’s probably cursed.
Belle & The Beast
Belle questions her attraction to the newly transformed Beast—specifically his refusal to grow out his chest hair.
If you’re doubting attraction three months in, that’s not a great sign. And if there’s something your partner likes that doesn’t harm you, it’s often a gift to lean into it.
Still, serious attraction doubts this early may signal trouble.
Final Thoughts
Leave a comment and let us know what you thought of this episode—and of Steve Sleeves.
If you’re watching and wondering when it’s going to be your turn to find love—if you’re questioning whether you’re getting in your own way—I’ll be helping people uncover their deeper patterns and blind spots at my retreat this October.
You can get tickets at mhretreat.com. There’s also a virtual ticket option if you can’t attend in person.
I can’t wait to see those of you who are coming.
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
***
On Substack? Follow us there for more great dating and relationships content.
—
Photo credit: unsplash
The post The 3-Month Curse That Keeps Ending Your Relationships (And How to Break It) appeared first on The Good Men Project.
[ad_2]
Source link
