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If you got dumped and you’re thinking about writing a message to your ex-boyfriend that will make him cry, I need to warn you. Your message most likely won’t make your ex emotional and nostalgic. It will probably have the opposite effect as your ex will feel smothered and confused.
Your ex will wonder why you’re pouring your heart out to him when all he wants is to keep moving forward and focus on himself. In other words, your ex expects you to think, feel, and act like him—and will push you away if necessary. He won’t hesitate to do that if you show a lack of consideration for his feelings and decisions.
So remember, post-breakup messages (especially emotional ones) don’t make dumpers feel cared for and respected. They make them feel disrespected as dumpees violate their space and freedom. They pressure them with expectations and demands and by doing so, decrease their interest in speaking, catching up, and getting back together.
Very few dumpers cry when they receive a love/gratitude message from their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Those who do tend to cry due to guilt rather than love.
And that’s not a good thing as guilt isn’t an emotion they want to feel and act on to improve their relationship.
Guilt is an emotion they want to avoid. It hurts them to remember they abandoned their ex and enjoyed their life when their ex was struggling to accept the breakup and love himself/herself. Dumpers would rather not remember their actions and the consequences their actions had on their ex.
They’d prefer to not see their ex upset/emotional and stay in charge of the breakup. By being in control, they can avoid unwanted reminders of their ex and keep their ex at a safe distance.
So if you’re considering sending a message to your ex-boyfriend that will make him cry, know that even the sweetest message won’t make your ex-boyfriend want to be with you again. On the contrary, it will show you still want to get back together and that you’re focusing on him rather than moving on.
This will make the guy feel guilty (or angry) and make him even less attracted to you and interested in speaking/bonding with you.
You must understand that texts, messages, and emails are things YOU want to send to feel better. They’re not something your ex asks for and needs to feel respected and safe. That’s why I strongly encourage you to give up on trying to make your ex-boyfriend cry.
If you care about the guy and want the best for him and you, you should show him respect by giving him space and letting him see you’ve accepted the breakup and found your peace. That will make a much better impression on the guy than emotional messages as it will exude high self-esteem and the ability to move on.
Any kind of professing of feelings, expressing gratitude, apologizing, begging, and asking for explanations will show you’re not ready to let go of your ex and that your healing depends on him.
And when your ex sees you depend on him, you can be certain he’ll feel uncomfortable, impatient, and tempted to show his worst colors. Most dumpees do as they lack the experience and empathy to treat their ex well.
Instead of attempting to write a message to your ex-boyfriend that will make him cry, convince yourself that your ex doesn’t want nor deserve such a message. Emotional messages are meant for boyfriends (people who feel the same way about you) as such people actually want to hear your thoughts and emotions.
They want to reciprocate and grow their bond.
Ex-boyfriends, on the other hand, don’t. Their goal is to leave things as they are and focus on activities and people who expect nothing from them. Zero expectations allow them to self-prioritize and be free whereas messages from their exes guilt-trip, annoy, and anger them.
In today’s post, we discuss why you shouldn’t send a message to your ex-boyfriend that will make him cry.
A message to my ex-boyfriend that will make him cry
Dumpers usually aren’t capable of crying after the breakup. This is because of three simple reasons.
- They’re detached from their ex.
- They associate negativity with their ex.
- They want something or someone else.
Because they blame their ex for the breakup and the way they feel, they don’t want to hear from their ex. They especially don’t want to receive messages that go against their decisions and make them feel unwanted emotions.
If they receive such messages, they get frustrated as they feel forced to help their ex cope with the breakup.
Dumpers who receive emotional messages from their ex don’t want to feel responsible for helping their ex get over the breakup. They leave to avoid investing time and energy into their ex. That’s why they expect their ex to respect their boundaries and figure out how to be happy without them.
So if you’re thinking about sending a message to your ex-boyfriend that would make him cry, remember that the chances of your ex loving your message are tiny. It’s much more likely that your ex will thank you for the message just out of courtesy/guilt or that your ex will feel bothered and ignore you.
Your ex could also block you or make fun of you and try to ruin your reputation. That depends on his maturity and way of coping with unwanted situations and emotions. But still, you shouldn’t expect your ex to feel better and come back to you because of a nice message.
The message you’re thinking of sending doesn’t have that kind of power.
It lost its power when your ex broke up with you and showed you that he had no feelings or desire to be with you.
Always remember that your ex will feel and/or react negatively and that your heartfelt message will decrease your ex’s chances of being with you. Every breakup mistake makes things a bit worse. So make sure to avoid mistakes and give your ex what he’s looking for.
And for the record, your ex is looking for:
- space
- freedom
- respect
- happy emotions
If you send texts that aim to make your ex-boyfriend cry, you’ll probably make yourself cry when you notice that your ex doesn’t want to return your texts and feelings. You’ll add problems to an already complicated situation and lose more reconciliation hope than you’re ready to lose.
That will likely send you into a downward spiral and make you regret making your ex responsible for helping you deal with the post-breakup blues.
So don’t send your ex anything. The longer you stay silent, the more you’ll realize that your ex stopped caring about you and that you need to rely on yourself and anyone but your ex for healing.
Others will help you understand things and motivate you to feel better whereas your ex will make you feel more insecure and hungry for answers.
Although there’s a chance your ex will be mature, answer your questions, and support you, it’s much more likely that your ex will not act the way you expect him to act. This is because you don’t know how your ex acts in challenging situations. Not unless you already pressured your ex and brought out the worst in him.
In that case, you shouldn’t even think about sending your ex a message that could make him cry. You should be thinking about protecting yourself by leaving your ex to his devices and letting him be in control of his thoughts and emotions.
With that said, here’s why you mustn’t send your ex-boyfriend a text that will make him cry.
As a dumpee, you shouldn’t be the one making your ex-boyfriend cry. Other people and stressful situations unrelated to your ex should be making your ex cry. They should make your ex see that the life he chose is dangerous and unfulfilling and that he took you for granted.
If you give him space and he cries because of other people and things, chances are he’ll reflect and appreciate the life he had with you. There’s no guarantee that he’ll have an epiphany, but he could if you show him you value yourself and don’t need him to validate you and be with you.
Just like you value your ex more now that your ex is gone, so do dumpers. Dumpers respect, value, and miss their exes when their exes are happy and they’re miserable. That’s because they realize they’re not as happy as they were when they were with their ex and that they can use their ex to feel better.
If you want to increase the odds of your ex wanting to be with you, don’t send a message to your ex that would make him cry. Send him your absence instead.
It will tell him you don’t depend on him and that you’re doing fine without him. Your lack of interest will depict high self-esteem, emotional independence, happiness, and everything your ex needs to respect you and wonder about you.
Sending your ex letters, texts, voice recordings, and other unsolicited messages, however, will prove your ex has been on your mind a lot and that you still have expectations of him. Expectations that he doesn’t have the desire and energy to fulfill.
The perfect message doesn’t exist!
I know you want to impress your ex and make him feel loved and cared for, but no matter how badly you want things to go back to the way they were, know that no message will make your ex cry and realize he wants to be with you.
Your ex convinced himself that he wasn’t happy with you.
Such convictions soon led to emotional disconnection and perhaps even resentment, depending on what your ex is like and what breakup mistakes you’ve made.
If you begged and pleaded for a long time and tried to force your ex to love you, your ex probably associated tons of negativity with you. This is especially true if your ex is immature and blames others for his mistakes and behaviors.
Dumpers just don’t want to be wooed. They stopped wanting it when they lost feelings and decided they were happier on their own.
If their ex insists on getting back together and sends emotional messages, they often feel smothered and react in hurtful ways.
Negative reactions give dumpers more power they don’t need and make dumpees more anxious and insecure.
So give up on sending your ex short messages, paragraphs, last messages, love letters, acceptance letters, and random things. Instead of pressuring your ex and pushing him away, stay in no contact and let the power of silence speak for itself.
Let your ex interpret your silence in any way he wants. If he gets offended by it (very unlikely), he can be offended. And if he respects you for it, that’s fine too. Just keep in mind that if his feelings return he’ll reach out and talk about his regrets and feelings.
He won’t make you do all the work because that’s not what regretful dumpers do. Regretful dumpers are usually in so much pain that they come running after the dumpee and ask for another chance.
If you want your ex back, you have to wait for your ex to make a move. And your ex will make a move when things go awry and force your ex to see you’ve retained your worth and moved on.
Dumpers feel a sense of urgency when their ex is detached and no longer interested in them. They feel that they’re going to lose their ex for good if they don’t act soon.
That’s why it’s so important that you don’t send your ex any messages that show you value him. Instead, you should indirectly tell him you’re doing great. Do this by staying in no contact and occasionally posting things that make you happy.
It’s okay to show you’re happy, just don’t overdo it by posting happy pictures with other guys and saying you’ve never been this happy. Posts like that will probably anger your ex and force him to resent you and block you.
I can’t say what your ex will do, but there’s a good chance your ex will react negatively and hurt you again.
Are you still thinking about sending a message to your ex-boyfriend that will make him cry? What do you think that will accomplish? Feel free to express your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below.
However, if you’d like to talk privately about ways to impress your ex, click here to subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching.
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