Can Couples Get Back Together After Months Apart?

Couples can get back together after months apart. They can realize they made a terrible mistake and that they aren’t as happy as they thought they’d be. Such a realization can bring them close again, provided they let go of negative perceptions of each other, admit their mistakes, and develop romantic cravings.

The longer couples wait after a breakup, the higher the chance of romantic success (not the other way around). This is because time can help dumpees grow and allow dumpers to fail. It can make dumpers realize their exes’ importance and the ability to make them happy. 

Dumpees don’t like to wait and feel uncertain. They’d rather reconcile right away and stop hurting. But despite their immense desire to be with their ex, spending months apart is necessary so exes can make some important internal changes that would prevent them from encountering the same issues and breaking up again. 

If they don’t wait a while and get back together after a week or two (basically right away), they could feel validated and give up on improving themselves after a few days. And a few days of reflection and growth just aren’t enough for permanent change.

They’re enough only to start a new infatuation phase.

The new infatuation phase is much shorter than the first one as couples already know each other on an intimate level. They just like the validation, attention, and comfort of being in a relationship.

Keep in mind that couples who reconcile quickly usually only reconcile temporarily. They put a bandage on their differences and absentmindedly wait for the bandage to fall off. When it does, they find themselves in another breakup and feel hurt once again.

At least dumpees do. Dumpers tend to feel relieved and happy to be single just like they did the first time.

So know that couples can get back together after months apart. It’s much better for them to spend a few months apart and figure out if they want to be together. Dumpees already know they want to be together (or at least they think they do because they’re hurt).

Dumpers, on the other hand, need to find a reason to love their ex.

And they can find that reason by failing in some important way and suffering. That’s because personal letdowns and pain trigger feelings of nostalgia and regret and make dumpers want to avoid pain in the moment and the future.

The easiest way for them to avoid it is by taking their ex back as doing so allows them to forget about their new problems and helps them feel valued and needed.

Always remember that dumpers must get hopeful about something or someone else for a while. By getting hopeful, they invest emotionally and put themselves in a position where they can get their hopes and dreams crushed.

A loss of hope in their plans can make them regretful and force them to want their ex back for safety and reassurance.

You need to understand that couples can get back together after months apart if they both respect and love each other at the same time. If only one person wants to get back together, reconciliation can’t happen (or rather won’t last).

It’s highly unlikely because (as you’ve probably heard) relationships take two to tango. They require two invested people with similar goals and romantic interests.

So if you want your ex back but your ex doesn’t want you, there won’t be a reconciliation. The same is true if your ex wants you but you no longer want your ex. You’ll stay broken up until you both want the same thing. 

On the other hand, if you know each other’s romantic worth and want to have it in each other’s lives, you can get back together whether it’s been months, years, or decades since you broke up. Time is irrelevant. What matters is how you perceive each other and feel.

In this article, we talk about whether couples can get back together after months apart. The point of this post isn’t to give you hope but to inform you about the possibility of getting back with your ex when love still exists on both sides.

Can couples get back together after months apart?

Couples get back together after months apart. I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times in all types of breakups.

A few months of no or limited contact didn’t stop them from getting into trouble and redeveloping feelings and longings for comfort and stability. In fact, months apart only helped them as they allowed them to discover their shortcomings and each other’s importance.

So don’t think that you can’t get back together because it’s been months since you broke up. Some love gurus on the internet may try to convince you otherwise (to hurry up and purchase their services) but try to think rationally.

I know it feels strange now that you’re losing the sense of familiarity you felt when you were with your ex, but that’s because you’re detaching and regaining your sanity. You’re falling back in love with yourself and learning to live without your ex.

That’s a good thing, not a bad thing.

You’re becoming stronger, wiser, and better prepared for all kinds of predicaments. Every day you resist contacting your ex and begging to get back together, you’re exercising restraint and rewiring your brain.

That won’t necessarily make your ex come back right away, but it will help you look stronger and more attractive if your ex needs you to be. And your ex will need you to be strong when he or she gets into a pickle and needs someone self-confident to rely on.

You could be that person if you stay level-headed and avoid making breakup mistakes.

Anyway, a few months of silence is nothing. Your ex is probably still in the early stages of a breakup and needs more time. Only dumpers who mess up big-time regret leaving their dumpee after a few months.

Such dumpees tend to be super insecure or get involved with someone who treats them terribly and isn’t compatible with them.

So pick your favorite.

Would you rather your ex come back because of a lack of self-dependence or would you prefer your ex to monkey-branch to someone else and get treated so badly that your ex realizes your worth and the need to grow through that person’s immaturity and incompetence?

Your ex could, of course, encounter other problems too. But if you’re hoping for a quick reconciliation, something major must go wrong. Something that prevents your ex from being able to live a happy life.

This can be anything that inconveniences, hurts, and affects your ex in difficult, unpredictable ways.

Dumpers don’t come back just because their exes are awesome human beings. They come back because they overvalued themselves and their ability to live successful lives without their exes.

When they fail miserably and experience overwhelming amounts of nostalgia, fear, anxiety, and regret, they may come running back, provided their coping mechanisms are bad and they can’t deal with their problems on their own.

As a dumpee, all you need to know is that couples can get back together after months. But to do that, certain things need to happen on the dumpees’ and dumpers’ side.

Dumpees must:

• leave their ex alone
• keep their composure
• retain their worth
• improve as people and partners
• boost their self-esteem
• become okay without their ex
• find purpose in life
• detach from their ex
• and exude confidence and independence

Dumpees can, of course, get their ex back even if they just sit at home and pray, but that significantly decreases their chances of reconciliation and working things out if the dumper comes back.

That’s because dumpers don’t value desperation, stress, anxiety, depression, and lack of growth, ambition, and purpose. They don’t crave such things, nor do they envy them.

On the other hand, dumpers must:

• focus on themselves
• have fun for a while
• do what they’d been meaning to do
• encounter problems
• fail to deal with problems
• become nostalgic and curious
• get rid of unhealthy perceptions of their ex
• develop respect and love for their ex
• regret leaving
• and realize they need their ex to be happy and secure

You mustn’t think that couples get back together just because they can (although occasionally some impulsive ones do). Typically, they reconcile because dumpees let the universe take care of the relationship (accept the breakup and stop trying to control things) and let dumpers come to them after they’ve failed and reflected.

That being said, here’s why couples can get back together after months apart.

Don’t try to reconcile with your ex

If it’s been months since you got dumped and you think that your ex is distancing himself or herself more and more, don’t act on anxiety and try to reconcile with your ex.

You must understand that your ex isn’t waiting for you to apologize and try to fix things on your terms. Your ex is staying away from you on purpose due to a lack of romantic feelings and willpower to work on resolving relationship problems with you.

Love is gone, which is why your ex likes the space provided by the breakup and doesn’t want to go back and feel the way he or she felt when you were together. If you ignore your ex’s feelings and the decision to self-focus, you could bring out the worst in your ex and quickly regret reaching out and trying to single-handedly fix things.

Breakups are different from relationships where you can apologize and reason with your partner. They are uncontrollable situations where love is no longer present, and your words and actions can no longer have an impact on your ex.

You have to come to terms with the fact that you are powerless and that your ex has to decide to come back on his or her own. Your ex made a solitary decision to leave so it’s only fair that your ex comes back of his or her own accord as well.

I wish there was another way, but sadly, other ways usually lead to more pain and frustration. They drain dumpees emotionally and make them feel rejected again.

So if you want to make the best impression on your ex, stay away from your ex and prove you don’t rely on your ex for happiness and well-being. Make sure to depict high confidence and self-esteem.

Once your ex sees you’re not emotionally codependent, your ex will be able to relax a little and might even reach out. This is because your ex won’t think you’ll overwhelm him or her with demands the moment he or she contacts you.

No reconciliation should happen on dumpers’ terms. If it does, there’s a big chance the new relationship will be imbalanced in terms of power and investment and that the dumper will leave after he or she has got what he or she needs.

And what the dumper typically needs is emotional support and validation.

So no matter how scared you are of losing your ex forever, remember that you’ve already lost your ex and that no amount of effort will change that. Not in a direct sense, anyway.

You need to learn to let go of your ex so your ex doesn’t feel your desperation and eagerness to be with him/her the moment your ex checks up on you. If you scare your ex off, you’ll probably blame yourself for letting emotions get the best of you and messing things up.

Not all couples get back together after months

Not all couples get back together after months. But those who do typically understand how breakups work and what they must do and avoid doing. Such couples reconcile when they’re ready to reconcile (not when they want to reconcile).

They hit a snag, engage in reflection and introspection, develop cravings and expectations, and discover the importance of the relationship they took for granted and abandoned.

So instead of thinking that your ex is supposed to come back after a certain number of days, weeks, or months, accept that you can’t predict when or if your ex will get in trouble and realize your worth.

You don’t know if your ex will suffer enough to question his or her decisions and actions. Breakups are so difficult because of their unpredictability and the time they take to get over. That’s why you must give your ex as much time as he or she needs.

That doesn’t mean you should stay emotionally hooked on your ex and keep looking over your shoulder, but you should know exes come back when they’re out of luck, sad, and miserable, and have no choice but to reconcile.

They have no choice but to reconcile when their plans fail and hit them hard. That’s when they experience pain and regret and need their ex to make them feel better. If you think about it, reconciliations are selfish. They happen not when dumpees are hurting but when dumpers are in pain and realize they made the biggest mistake of their life.

So keep healing and decide if you want your ex back when you feel better and your ex is in pain.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Can couples get back together after months apart? Do you know any couples who reconciled after months of being broken up? Share your views and experiences in the comments below.

And if you’d like to talk to us about reconciling after months, visit our coaching page and get in touch.