In the world of online dating, Gen Z’s biggest turnoff might not be bad grammar, a poor photo, or even political differences – it’s being “cringe.” According to a growing number of young app users, sincerity and earnestness have become liabilities in the swipe economy, where ironic detachment often serves as emotional armor and keeping to joking, low-stakes responses is more comfortable – but not necessarily more successful.
The aversion to vulnerability runs deep. Users report avoiding heartfelt bios or genuine responses to dating app prompts for fear of appearing desperate or overly invested. Instead, humor and sarcasm dominate self-presentation. Psychologists observing this trend say it reflects broader anxieties about vulnerability and social rejection. “It’s far more vulnerable to create a persona that feels accurate to who you are,” said Jordan Meisel, a New York-based therapist. “Emotionally speaking, you can’t hurt me if I never show myself to you.”
This ironic distance can hinder connection. Some users admit they’ve ignored promising matches simply because they couldn’t come up with a witty opener. Others say they’re repelled by profiles that seem too earnest, even when they know deep down that such clarity and openness are likely key to long-term success. In some cases, users see the fact that they’re on a dating app at all as something to cringe over, making it much harder for them to engage with the platform.
Interestingly, the stigma isn’t limited to profile content. For some, simply being on a dating app is cringe-adjacent, prompting users to acknowledge the awkwardness upfront with jokes or self-deprecation.
Gen-Z is going to be a large part of the dating audience going forward, and dating platforms may need to tackle this problem at the source if they want that audience to grow: finding ways to give their users the emotional armour they want without leaving them unable to connect. Fortunately, according to Meisel, the problem is also able to solve itself – it only takes so many failed connections before users realise that being genuine is a core part of the dating experience.
