Updated on November 20, 2025
On this blog, I often mention that girlfriends (or boyfriends) who leave for another person are among the types of exes most likely to regret their decision and come back. The reason they come back despite dating someone new is that their reality rarely matches the fantasy they built in their head.
They thought the new person would solve their problems, make them happy, and be an upgrade to their ex. But instead, he or she was just a distraction. The new man or woman was someone they betrayed their ex with and merely hoped to live happily ever after with.
Their unrealistic expectations, incompatibilities, and unwillingness to maintain a romantic relationship the way it needed to be maintained, therefore, broke their new connection and showed them their new partner wasn’t any better than the previous one.
Sure, the new partner had a different personality and strengths, but they didn’t know him or her very well and weren’t willing to adjust as much as they did with their ex. Because they weren’t willing to change or adapt, they stayed closed-minded and expected their new partner to do all the heavy lifting.
This soon took a toll on the relationship and made them disagree and feel unfulfilled.
Because they were unhappy, they were forced to open their eyes and realize that they had ignored their ex-partner’s good traits and focused mainly on his or her shortcomings.
I’ve seen many dumpers (male or female) leave their ex for someone else and come back after a while. Some were gone for weeks, whereas others disappeared for months, years, or even longer. The point is, they needed different amounts of time to get to know their new partner on an intimate level, encounter various challenges, and understand how their relationship functioned and what it was going to be like long-term.
Over time, they gained a deeper understanding of their partner and relationship, so they knew exactly what they got themselves into. The ones who didn’t like the path they chose ruminated on their decisions and learned that they weren’t any happier with their new partner. Not only were they not happier, but they were also more stressed and uncertain of themselves.
Unhappiness-induced reflection essentially enabled them to stop running away from problems and become nostalgic for the kind of life they once had with their ex. Of course, nostalgia alone didn’t make them redevelop feelings. It merely confirmed that they could be happier (with their ex) and encouraged them to think more positively about their ex.
It started with a single thought and gradually turned into anxiety, fear, self-doubt, and ultimately, regret, feelings, and a need for security, validation, and healing.
Dumpers don’t just want their ex to reciprocate their feelings. That may be what they ask for, but what they truly want is for their ex to soften their failures, ease their pain, and bring stability and predictability back into their lives.
They need their ex to boost their self-esteem and give them purpose. The moment their ex gives them what they need, they feel happy and in control again. If they come back for the wrong reasons (just to feel needed and important), they quickly detach and leave again (normally within a couple of weeks).
They don’t wait long because they don’t plan on working on themselves and a future with their partner.
So if your girlfriend left you for another guy and now wants you back, know that her post-breakup journey was far from successful. It was probably ecstatic at first (for a few weeks or months, depending on how long they dated), but the relationship soon lost its momentum and direction.
It couldn’t turn into a meaningful long-term relationship because she expected her new partner to perform miracles. The new person wasn’t capable of giving her the fairy tale she envisioned, so they encountered relationship problems and disagreements.
Whether the relationship failed because it started on cheating terms (lacked trust), infidelity, communication issues, or simply because they weren’t emotionally or sexually compatible, she now wants you back because she considers you her fallback guy. I know you don’t want to be a backup, but that’s what reconciliations with exes are.
Dumpers go back to an ex because they aren’t happy and can’t find a replacement for their ex. Despite doing their best to leave their ex behind, they fail to form or maintain a strong emotional connection with someone else and get hurt. Failure to move forward with their lives triggers immense pain and reminders of the past.
If you think about it, the exact opposite happens to what they felt when they were falling in love with their crush. When they were cheating and developing feelings for another person, they ignored the past with their ex and looked forward to a better future with the new person. When they saw what the future held, though, they were far from pleased, so they stopped idealizing their new partner and thinking about the future—and reminisced about the past instead.
They thought about their ex and all the times they felt fulfilled.
This gave them a feeling of familiarity, comfort, and understanding, which is exactly what dumpers need to run back to an ex. At that point, they just need to wait for their regrets and feelings to build up and urge them to reach out.
Many times, they don’t wait long after dumping their partner before returning to an ex. In my experience, they usually come back within a week or two. A couple of weeks of thinking about their decisions and feelings are more than enough for them to redevelop romantic feelings and the determination to work on the relationship.
Sometimes, they monkey-branch literally on the same day. They tell their ex they want him or her back the moment they leave their new partner. This isn’t necessarily bad for the relationship because they often spend a week or two planning their exit and recommitting to their partner. It’s bad when they don’t fall back in love with their ex and only want to take from their ex.
If your girlfriend left you for another guy and now wants you back, you must think long and hard before taking her back. You must remember that she took you for granted when she met another person and bonded with him behind your back.
She’s more than capable of losing feelings and interest again. If she doesn’t take you seriously and hasn’t learned from her mistakes and impulses, she might do you dirty once more when an opportunity presents itself. For that reason, you must ensure she wants you back for you, and not just the things you can provide to her.
Do this by asking her why she left, what she learned, and how she intends to fix the trust she broke.
If she’s serious about you, she won’t just tell you what you want to hear, but also back her words with actions. Her actions will reveal whether she truly regrets cheating and leaving, or if she’s just hurt and wants to mend her broken heart.
In today’s article, we’ll discuss what you need to know and do if your girlfriend left you for another guy and now wants you back.
Learn why she left you for another guy
Honesty is everything in a healthy relationship.
That’s why the first thing she needs to do is to verbally express why she took you for granted, what she saw in the new guy, and why she left you for him. Even if you know the reasons, she must verbalize them to prove that she understands her reasons for cheating and leaving a good relationship.
Without admitting her flaws in thinking and lack of temptation/impulse control, she may not have the knowledge or drive to work on herself and prevent the future from repeating itself. If she stays silent and expects you to forgive her without expressing her mistakes, flaws, and sympathy, chances are she’ll maintain her unhealthy mindset and cheat or leave when she doesn’t get what she believes she deserves.
That would hurt you unnecessarily and make you feel foolish for trusting her with your heart again.
So take my advice seriously and ask her some important questions BEFORE you let her back into your life. If she truly wants to be with you, she won’t go anywhere just because you asked for proof or clarification. On the contrary, she’ll happily explain herself to you and try to win your trust and love back.
Ex-girlfriends who regret cheating and leaving willingly explain why they did what they did and why it’s wrong. They’re happy to do that because they see that their ex is open to hearing them out and perhaps even taking them back.
Those who get angry, on the other hand, have no intention of changing anything about themselves. They’re still in control of their feelings and life, and, as a result, expect their ex to forgive them and take them back on the spot. They don’t care that they hurt their ex badly and that they need to earn back their ex’s trust, commitment, and love.
Dumpees shouldn’t expect their ex to take them back and act like nothing happened. When they do, it’s a sign that they’re in it for themselves and that the relationship won’t last long.
So if you want what’s best for you, ask your (ex)girlfriend what made her leave you for another guy. Pay close attention to who or what she blames for her actions. If she says the relationship wasn’t working at the time or that the new guy told her bad things about you, got her drunk, or forced her to leave you for him, that’s not the response you’re looking for. A response like that doesn’t show that she’s taking accountability for her actions and that she doesn’t have what it takes to grow on her own and with you.
That’s obviously not the real reason she left. The real reason includes a lack of awareness, maturity, and growth, incompatibility, overprioritization of emotions in that particular moment, unrealistic expectations, and self-victimization.
You need to hear her say that she wasn’t mature enough to stay in a long-term romantic relationship and handle intrusive thoughts and emotions.
Needless to say, a lying woman is trouble and is likely to cause ongoing problems if she comes back. Sooner or later, she’ll find something else to blame you or the circumstances for—and abandon you when you need her the most.
She’ll make you regret taking her back and putting your trust in her.
That said, here’s my list of reasons why women leave for another guy.
Learn why she came back
Just as you need to understand why she left, you must also understand why she came back. The method for learning this is the same. You must ask her what her new relationship was like and what she realized while ending her relationship with her boyfriend. Again, a vulnerable, but honest person will reveal where things went wrong and why she missed you and decided to be with you.
A dishonest one, however, will withhold all the problems she encountered in her relationship with the new guy and oversimplify the situation. She might say she returned simply because she missed you, and that she couldn’t see herself with anyone but you.
That wouldn’t be the whole truth. The truth would be that things didn’t work out with the new guy due to high expectations, personality clashes, different goals or values, and realizing that you had more in common with her. Either she says the truth or admits that she left because she got dumped, hurt, and forced to seek validation directly from you – a person who never stopped loving her.
She needs to compare you to the other guy and explain why you’re the better option. This isn’t about ego, but about understanding what she truly values and what made her come back to you. When you understand this, you can determine if she’s capable of building a stronger, healthier relationship with you and if she deserves another chance.
It won’t be easy to go against your heart and test your ex-girlfriend before taking her back, but you must take it slow and discover her motives for wanting you back. Her motives will tell you if she sees your value and is willing to invest in you, herself, and the relationship.
Keep in mind that she dumped you for another guy and that she could do it again if she stops focusing on the relationship and wants different things in life. She could betray you again and leave you to fend for yourself. To avoid that, protect yourself by figuring out why she left and wants you back all of a sudden.
It’s clear that she wasn’t happy with you and that things didn’t go according to plan with her new boyfriend. But even with all that in mind, you still need to hear it from her and decide for yourself whether she’s a safe, worthwhile investment of your emotions, finances, and time.
Cheating is a serious offense. Don’t be naïve and think that she’s learned her lessons without proving it to you. Cheaters don’t change when they have it easy. They change or grow when they suffer and understand the problems they caused their ex.
The question is whether your ex suffered (enough), reflected, and learned the things she needed to learn. Did she think about her actions, regret them, and commit to being a better partner and person? If she did, she may be worth taking back on a trial period and giving her the chance to prove her growth and commitment.
I can’t decide for you, because this is something only you can choose for yourself. All I can do is offer guidance that might make the decision a little easier.
Feel free to open up and post your story in the comments section below.
And if you want to talk privately, consider subscribing to breakup coaching. We’ll go through your girlfriend’s cheating behavior together and figure out whether her actions show she can be trusted.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
