If you’ve been on dating sites or an app before, you’ve probably experienced the loss of momentum that comes when you run out of things to say to one another. On the one hand, the person you’re talking to may not be an ideal fit. Or maybe it’s just that talking to a new person can be a little awkward at times.
It’s a common problem, but it’s not insurmountable. At Zoosk, we don’t want our members to miss out on great opportunities just because they feel a little shy or awkward. That’s why our dating experts came up with these tips for keeping the conversation going. With a little practice, you can be a master conversationalist and really up your chances of meeting someone special.
Why Haven’t They Responded Back Again?
Have you ever been to a party where you know the host but none of the other guests? It’s a social event, so you might strike up a few conversations with people standing in your area, but it can be difficult to maintain the conversation, even if you have something in common with the other person or people. The same thing happens online, but there are some slightly different dynamics.
Why Conversations Fizzle Out on Dating Platforms
Here are some of the reasons that people have difficulty maintaining online conversations:
- Shyness or Introversion – Some of us just take a while to open up to other people. We’re quiet at first and it takes others a little more work to get us to open up.
- Overwhelmed by Communications – Online dating on a popular platform like Zoosk can be daunting at first. You may have several conversations going at once, which can be fatiguing.
- Lack of Common Interests – Even if you have a diverse range of interests, you’re not likely to have something in common with everyone you meet. One of the features that separates Zoosk from other sites is that the focus is on mutual compatibility.
- Desire to Take Things Slowly – Not everyone who joins Zoosk is ready to start dating. They may just be testing the waters. In this case, they may slow their responses to decrease the pace.
How to Overcome Online Dating Conversation Pitfalls
The truth is that you may not know why someone you’re talking to falls off from the conversation, but these tips can help you reignite the conversation or keep it from falling off.
- Match the Other Person’s Energy – Have you ever sent someone an exciting text message that conveyed a lot of information only to get “k” or a thumbs up as a response? In online dating, that is a conversation stopper. Try to respond with the appropriate amount of emotion and energy.
- Match the Other Person’s Word Counts – No, you don’t have to count the exact number of words in each message, but if someone asks you, “How was your day?” they’re probably expecting short one or two-line answer. This is the type of question that can be used to build your dialogue into something more meaningful.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: There’s a big difference between the questions “Are you looking forward to the weekend?” and “What are your plans for the weekend?” The first one can be answered with a single word (probably “yes”), but the other question requires a more detailed response.
- Find Out What Excites Them – Most people won’t offer up their passions in the first few texts unless you ask them — so, just ask. “What’s your favorite thing to do?” “What do you love talking about?”
Ice Breakers for Dating That Actually Work
You only get one chance to make a first impression, and nowhere is that truer than online dating. These icebreakers will help you get the conversation started:
- Tailored Opening – Read their profile and ask a question about it. “I saw on your profile that you like to travel. What’s the best place you’ve ever been and why?”
- Longer Introduction – Introduce yourself with a few details. “Hey, I’m Joanne. I’m new on here, but your profile really caught my eye. I’m looking for someone who might be down for a serious relationship eventually.”
- Give a Sincere Compliment – Opening compliments work better if you say something specific. “You’re beautiful/handsome” is a really overplayed opening. Instead, try something like, “You seem like a really interesting person. I’ll bet we’d have a lot to talk about.”
- Ask a Silly Question – You can make up your own or find some great ones online. “Pineapple on pizza?” continues to be a hot topic.
Creative Conversation Starters to Spark Engagement on Zoosk
One thing that we’ve learned from operating online dating apps is that our members can be really creative. Here are some of the best conversation starters that Zoosk members have used to significant success.
Fun and Thought-Provoking Questions to Ask
- “If you could instantly master any skill (without practice), what would it be and why?” – Reveals their aspirations or hidden interests.
- “Would you rather have the ability to talk to animals or the ability to speak every human language fluently?” – Fun, but it also shows if they lean toward a love for animals or a passion for human connection.
- “If you could live in any fictional world, which one would it be, and what would you do there?” – Great way to explore their favorite books, movies, or shows and see how they’d embrace a fantasy.
- “If you were guaranteed success in any field, what would you choose to do for a living?” – This question digs into their passions and dreams without the limitations of practicality.
- “If you had to spend a year completely offline, what would you want to do with your time?” – Provides insight into their hobbies, interests, and how they’d reconnect with the world outside of screens.
Building a Deeper Connection
Conversations are the building blocks of relationships. Here’s how you can use your dialogue to build a deeper connection:
Transition from Small Talk to Meaningful Discussions
Eventually, you’ll want to move from a lighter opening conversation to something deeper. This may happen before or after you meet in person, but you should have a plan to achieve this. It can start with a simple question like, “What do you want out of life?” Of course, you may just organically fall into deeper conversations without trying.
Questions That Lead to More Personal Conversations
The best way to have a more personal conversation is by asking the questions that you want answers to. For example, if you want to know if your partner is family-minded, you could simply ask, “Do you think about having kids someday?”. If you live in one state, but are certain that you want to move to another state, that conversation should happen as early as possible with your potential partner. Serious topics warrant an honest and open approach. Just make sure you respect the other person’s boundaries.
Keep the Relationship Spark Alive
At Zoosk, we try to set our members up for success. In addition to matching members based on mutual compatibility, we provide them with a dating app that allows them to share their stories with both pictures and words. When you do match with someone you like, our encrypted messaging system allows you to communicate with one another until you’re ready to meet. One last tip: conversation gets easier with practice, which you can get on Zoosk. Sign up today!
