Making a man want you back isn’t as straightforward as apologizing, promising to change, and hoping he changes his mind. It takes more than words and a desire to be a better partner to fix broken trust, a lack of attraction, or a loss of romantic feelings. Oftentimes, even actions, such as showing growth and confidence and the ability to move on, don’t pique the dumper’s interest and create the spark necessary to get back together.
That’s because the dumper doesn’t want the dumpee to try harder and be a better partner. The dumper wants the dumpee to accept the breakup and stop trying to change his feelings and decisions. The dumper has made up his mind and wants, if not needs, the dumpee to respect herself and let go of control. That’s the only way the dumper can respect the dumpee and perhaps one day, redevelop romantic feelings.
Most dumpers are prepared to do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) to fix the broken relationship, reconcile, and get their dose of happy hormones. They want to stop hurting, so they desperately look for ways to undo the damage caused by their actions or inactions. They refuse to accept that the relationship-preventing convictions dumpers developed over the course of a few weeks or months are incredibly difficult to get rid of.
They’re in denial, so they ignore the fact that their ex’s convictions are fueled by negative emotions, and that their ex relies on them for justifying the breakup. If they try to change how their ex thinks and feels, they more often than not ask for the unreasonable, disrespect their ex’s premeditated decision, and push their ex out of his comfort zone. When their ex feels unheard, uncomfortable, stressed, or even angry, they tend to bring the worst out of their ex and see what their ex is capable of when he doesn’t feel the same way about them.
They often learn that their ex can be brutally honest, cold, mean, or disrespectful—and that they shouldn’t have made things worse by trying to gain control of the breakup on their terms.
I know that you regret saying or doing certain things and that you want your ex to know how important he is to you, but your ex already knows that. You told or showed him how you felt during or perhaps even after the breakup when you expressed pain and insisted on being with him. Your emotions and desire to stay together as a couple demonstrated your willingness to fight for what you believed in.
And, unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. Your ex had given up on the relationship and didn’t want you to make things more difficult for him. He was hoping you’d handle the breakup with confidence and make it easier for him to move on with his life.
Hence, this isn’t about trying harder and pointing out all the things you’re prepared to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. It’s about walking away with dignity and defending your sense of worth. The most powerful thing your ex can witness is you holding your head high and believing in your ability to be happy and successful without him. This won’t bring your ex back overnight, but it will send a clear message that you’re putting yourself first and that he doesn’t deserve to be chased and begged for attention and love.
Your ex doesn’t want to be chased. He doesn’t need an ego boost because he needs space and time to self-prioritize. If you give him something he doesn’t need and expect, you’ll risk overwhelming him emotionally and bringing a negative reaction out of him.
Self-respect is essential when you’ve been dumped and left to fend for yourself. Despite feeling a strong need to take action and tell your ex that his perception of you is wrong, you must let your ex think, feel, and do what he wants. When you back off and let him take charge of his life, you show him you respect him as well as yourself more than he thinks.
This sets an important foundation for when he focuses on himself for a while, faces difficulties, needs help, and remembers how gracefully you handled the breakup. In other words, he could get hurt by something or someone else and need your emotional support, validation, commitment, or love.
For that to happen, you must stay strong during this difficult time and focus on self-distraction, growth, and healing. You must act as if the breakup wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to you and demonstrate confidence in your ability to detach and thrive on your own. That’s extremely hard to do when every cell in your body aches for your ex’s attention, but you must nonetheless resist the temptation to act on your emotions. Pain isn’t a valid excuse to hang around your ex as “just a friend” and try to win him back.
As long as you think you must “win your ex back,” it’s as clear as day that you lack the fundamental understanding of breakups and the things your ex needs from you to find you attractive and worthy of reconciliation. This mindset shows that you need to shift your perspective and focus on personal growth, rebuilding your confidence, detaching, and becoming the best version of yourself – someone your ex genuinely wants to be with again.
A quick fix won’t do. It won’t motivate your ex to come back or come back and stay for long. True change takes time, patience, and a commitment to self-growth. You must strive to evolve as a person and a romantic partner, not just for your ex, but mainly for your own happiness and well-being. Once you’ve done the necessary work and avoided showing off, your ex will likely notice you and feel more attracted to you.
Let me remind you that your ex won’t get desperate for connection and love just because you’ve changed something about yourself that he’d been wanting you to change. At the moment, your ex couldn’t care less about who you are and who you’ll be in the future. Your ex will care about your qualities only when they can add value to his life. And they’ll be able to add value when he gets into trouble and realizes he lacks the willpower or ability to handle life’s challenges.
In this post, we continue to discuss how to make him want you back after he dumped you.
How to make him want you back?
Making a guy want you back isn’t as easy as it seems. You may have been able to talk your way into his heart before and pull him back in when he felt hurt or angry, but you’re no longer dealing with a guy who loves you. You’re dealing with a disconnected ex who developed negative perceptions of you and looks forward to a new beginning.
Because the relationship ended, your ex isn’t open to talking things out. The time for discussion has passed. It’s been replaced with a need for space and the desire to focus on other people or things. You can’t talk your way back into your ex’s heart just because you’ve gotten hurt and realized your mistakes. You may be eager to grow and fix every single issue your ex expressed, but your ex isn’t willing to do the same. As long as you both think and feel differently, any attempt to bring your ex back will only backfire.
It will tell your ex you’re not interested in what he wants and that you insist on getting what you need. This will cross your ex’s boundaries and push him further away, which, of course, is the opposite of what you want.
So whatever you do, don’t think you’re solely responsible for getting another chance with your ex. As long as you’re the only one who wants the relationship to work, your actions will cause more harm than good. They’ll tell your ex you’re incapable of taking care of yourself and that you’re being inconsiderate of his feelings. Once your ex understands that you’re trying to reconcile because you’re unhappy, your ex will feel pressured and repulsed and be glad things have ended.
You need to approach this situation logically, not emotionally. Think about what your ex expects from you and how you can give it to your ex. If you give it some thought, you’ll learn that all your ex needs right now is space. Space lets your ex process the breakup on his own terms and encourages him to remember your good traits. This is the most likely to happen when your ex encounters problems he lacks the tools to resolve on his own.
If you’re searching the internet for advice on how to make him want you back, the first thing you must know about breakups is that you can’t make the dumper do something he doesn’t want to do. You can’t force him to mature, change his unhealthy beliefs, see your value, and desire your closeness. The guy has to want these things on his own. He has to realize that the path he’s on is unfulfilling and unlikely to change for the better.
That’s the only way he can make some necessary internal changes and come back to invest and be with you.
So stop searching for some magic advice that will make your ex fall head over heels in love with you. The kind of advice that could change your ex’s mentality and knock sense into him doesn’t exist. If that kind of advice existed, winning your ex back would be nothing more than following the right technique and waiting for the perfect moment.
Sadly, the only thing that works is showing growth, maintaining self-respect (through no contact), and letting your ex face the consequences of his own (bad) choices. That’s how your ex can start to question his happiness and decisions and run back for comfort, safety, purpose, and long-term stability.
To make your ex want you back, you must first let go of your need to control the breakup. That’s how you demonstrate your ability to respect your ex’s decision and move forward with your life without looking desperate. Once you’ve done that, work on yourself, particularly the things your ex disliked or wanted you to improve. Use your ex’s relationship or breakup feedback to evolve within, and you’ll soon stop blaming yourself for your mistakes.
While you’re doing that, actively work on letting go of your ex. Letting go means changing your unrealistic perception of your ex and stopping to rely on him for your emotional needs. Your ex won’t find you attractive if you beg and plead like a beggar and exude low self-esteem. Low self-esteem repels dumpers, especially those who lack space, respect, and patience.
You must wait for your ex to encounter difficulties, initiate the conversation, and bring up getting back together. Your ex will be ready to make things right when he shows you he values you and doesn’t want to lose you. So don’t jump the gun and try to get back into a romantic relationship with your ex before your ex learns to value you. Instead of annoying your ex and getting rejected, let your ex take the lead if he wants to.
He’ll want it when he feels he has no other choice but to return and receive the benefits he lost with the breakup.
Having said that, here’s how you make him want you back after the breakup.
Make him want you back by becoming more desirable
There are many ways to make yourself more desirable, but every single one demands effort and consistency. You can’t expect your ex to see you in a new light if you’re stuck in the same mindset or habits that disconnected him from you and pushed him away in the first place. Real change requires self-reflection and self-investment. It requires you to grow and give your ex something he lacks, needs, and respects.
Whether it’s financial security, reassurance, stability, purpose, common values, or healthy relationship goals, you must have what your ex seeks during his time of crisis. By having the answer to your ex’s problems, you can indirectly become your ex’s best romantic option and inspire him to come back.
There’s no better way to get back with an ex than to invest in parts of yourself that need investing. Don’t do it for your ex. Do it for yourself because you and your relationships will benefit from it.
You have a lot of work to do. Most of it entails working on detachment and becoming a better person than you were the day before. When you’ve grown and fallen out of love, you might not even want your ex back. You might come to realize that your ex let you down repeatedly and that getting back with him would mean facing the same issues all over again.
Sometimes, it’s better to move on and start anew. A new relationship doesn’t come with grudges, trust issues, or deeply rooted unhealthy patterns. It gives you a clean slate to build something stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling.
All in all, you get to decide what’s best for you. But you won’t know what’s best until you get over your ex and see the relationship from a clear perspective.
Are you trying to make your ex want you back? How are you trying to do that? Describe your breakup plan below.
However, if you need our help creating a solid breakup plan, reach out to us. We’ll guide you step-by-step and support you through every stage of the process.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
