After a breakup, it’s important to have a period of radio silence. Radio silence gives both parties time to process their emotions and helps them avoid hurting each other due to conflicting wants and needs.
Typically, dumpers want to be alone and do their own things. They want to enjoy their freedom and emotionally distance themselves from their former partner. Self-focus heightens their sense of control and enables them to regain their individuality, purpose, and happiness.
Dumpees, on the other hand, feel abandoned and hurt and want their ex to communicate and reassure them everything will be alright. They want their ex to regret leaving and give them the ability to love themselves back.
By obtaining validation, dumpees can blame themselves less and feel hopeful about reconciliation.
Radio silence may not validate dumpees directly, but it does help them detach from their ex and show them they don’t need their ex to love themselves. They just need to stay away from their ex long enough to regain their rationality and realize their importance.
The least attached dumpees need weeks of radio silence (no contact) whereas most dumpees (the attached ones) need months or years. How long they should stay away from their ex depends on both parties’ expectations, wants, and needs.
If only one person wants to chat and/or get back together, they must both keep their distance from each other.
Distance is necessary for them to respect each other and themselves. Without respect and self-respect, they can’t get what they want or need from each other. They can only smother, confuse, and hurt each other.
So if you heard about radio silence and wish to implement it with your ex, bear in mind that radio silence after a breakup is almost always a good idea. It’s necessary to respect the dumper’s choices and feelings and preserve the dumpee’s self-love and worth.
If a dumpee doesn’t respect the dumper’s boundaries and keeps reaching out, he or she hands the dumper all his or her remaining power and risks getting rejected and hurt again.
Likewise, if a dumper ignores personal space and boundaries, the dumpee assumes the dumper is warming up to him or her and gets hopeful and anxious. The dumpee thinks reconciliation is on the horizon and that his or her plans are working.
This kind of thinking strings the dumpee along and makes the dumper friend zone or use the dumpee for selfish gain.
Usually, dumpers want information, forgiveness, and a familiar person to talk to when they’re bored or worried. They want an ex to make their life better without bettering their ex’s life in return. At least not in ways their ex wants them to.
Their ex expects love and commitment, not friendship and pointless conversations. Conversations don’t help them unless they’re about the breakup and ways to get back together. They only make them more obsessed with their ex and hinder their detachment and healing.
You can’t agree to friendship unless you’re going through a mutual breakup and/or feel ready to converse. Talk to your ex after the breakup only when the following conditions are met.
- Your ex respects you and wants to talk to you.
- You aren’t hurt and don’t love your ex and want your ex back.
If you don’t have one-sided feelings and expectations, you can do what you want as long as you don’t cause problems for your ex and your next/future relationships. You can text your ex and perhaps even hang out with him or her.
Every breakup is different, so act in accordance with your and your ex’s wants and needs.
Do what is necessary for both parties to feel respected and contented. If you want to stay in touch but your ex doesn’t, you should give your ex the space he or she is asking for and focus on improving your self-love and regaining your identity.
Your ex will reach out when he or she is ready.
It could be in a week or a few years. No matter how long it takes, the dumpee should not end radio silence on his or her own terms. He or she should wait patiently and avoid reaching out unless it’s about something bigger than the dumpee.
Something like kids, mortgage, or something he or she has a responsibility to discuss.
In that case, the conversation should only be about the subject the dumpee has reached out for. Any other subject should be left for later when or if they’re ready for friendship.
In this post, we discuss the importance of radio silence after the breakup. We explain why radio silence is important and when you can stop following it.
Radio silence after the breakup
Radio silence is the same thing as no contact. They both demand space from your ex and a chance to heal in ways that you and your ex need to.
The only difference between the two words is that radio silence is often advised to last 30 days or less. It’s advocated as a short no contact rule that ends when the dumper reaches out and wants something you want.
Unfortunately, radio silence or no contact mustn’t end the moment the dumper expresses a desire to talk. It can only end when the dumper wants the dumpee back or when the dumpee doesn’t want to get back together but wants to be friends or occasional friends.
That’s when radio silence fulfills its ultimate purpose and prepares former partners for the life ahead. The life ahead consists of improved maturity and behavioral patterns that can avoid future problems and breakups.
Radio silence after the breakup is extremely important. Whether you’re a dumpee or a dumper and may or may not want your ex back, you need to let the broken relationship rest for a while. You need to let go of it so you can disassociate from your ex and stop feeling unwanted emotions.
You must stop relying on your ex for certain benefits and feelings and learn to rely on yourself and those who want you close to them.
Although some dumpers want friendship after the breakup, the majority of dumpers don’t want that. They feel pressured and tired and want their ex to give them space and time to focus on themselves. If they aren’t able to focus on themselves, they feel suffocated and tend to react negatively.
A negative reaction is any reaction or a lack of reaction that directly or indirectly hurts the dumpee and problematizes his or her healing process.
So if you got dumped and learned that radio silence could help you avoid annoying your ex and getting hurt in return, bear in mind that radio silence, no contact, or any zero communication method is the right way forward.
No communication is the only thing your ex needs from you to stop blaming you for the breakup and feeling overwhelmed by your presence or behavior.
I’m not saying radio silence will fix all your problems, but it will help your ex process the breakup and enable you to avoid breakup mistakes and additional pain.
If you’re trying to get back with your ex, radio silence will basically retain your value as a dumpee and maximize the chances of reconciling with your ex when the time is right. And the time will be right when your ex realizes he or she’s made a terrible mistake and needs your validation and love.
Radio silence can bring your ex back. But it can do so only if your ex has a terrible post-breakup experience. If your ex dates someone much worse than you or has financial, mental, or physical health problems, your ex could compare the present to the past and want you back for security purposes.
Your ex could want you to provide him or her with the validation you used to provide him or her with before.
Remember that the dumper needs a good reason to want you back. Boredom and problems at work usually don’t suffice. If they do, the dumper tends to leave again as soon as he or she takes the dumpee for granted.
So bear in mind that the dumper could return for the wrong reasons. If that happens to you, the reconciliation won’t last very long. It will end when the dumper gets what he or she needs and feels irritated by your emotions, behavior, and expectations.
You need to make sure that the dumper wants you back, not the other way around. If you get back together on your terms, the dumper will see that you want the relationship way more than him or her and think that he or she is the prize.
As a result, your ex will lose feelings and the drive to invest in you and the relationship.
Radio silence can prevent that from happening. It can force you to stay away from your ex unless your ex has a change of heart and wants to show you that he or she regrets leaving and breaking your heart.
Radio silence can slowly return your lost power and self-importance and encourage you to accept the breakup. Acceptance makes you more desirable as it shows you have no hurt feelings and romantic expectations of your ex.
With that said, here’s why radio silence after a breakup is extremely important.
How long is radio silence after a breakup?
No one can tell you exactly how long radio silence is after a breakup because no one knows how long your ex will need to process the separation.
If your ex is a dumpee, he or she will probably need more than half a year to improve his or her self-esteem and happiness. It’s probably closer to a year because that seems to be the average time for most dumpees.
It depends on a dumpee’s support system, coping mechanisms, breakup mistakes, and most importantly, the things the dumper does after the breakup. If the dumper reaches out, flaunts someone new on social media, and ignores the dumpee’s feelings, the dumpee typically needs much longer to deal with the separation.
Compared to a dumpee who follows all the rules of no contact and doesn’t get strung along by the dumper, he or she needs additional time to process the present on top of the past.
Conversely, if your ex is a dumper, your ex probably won’t need very long to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions. Your ex will probably need a few months to stop worrying about the past.
That doesn’t mean your ex will become nostalgic and start missing you, though. The dumper doesn’t miss an ex just because some time has gone by. Time on its own doesn’t do much. It only lets dumpers focus on themselves and feel free.
Regret, nostalgia, and fear occur when dumpers get their expectations crushed and see they may not be as happy as they thought they’d be. That’s when they reflect on their decisions and actions and consider running back to their ex for validation and safety.
Essentially, they consider their ex a backup plan for when their primary plans fail.
Dumpers get back with their ex only if they can’t find what they’re looking for without their ex. They don’t return just because their ex dropped a few pounds, got a promotion, and learned a new language. Reconciliations are not about dumpees’ self-improvement but about dumpers’ pain and suffering.
The more hurt they get, the bigger the chances that they return to their ex and rely on their ex for support and healing.
So if you’re thinking of implementing radio silence to get back with your ex, I urge you to do it. Leave your ex alone and try to get yourself back. When you feel better, you’ll realize that radio silence was mainly for you as it helped you recover emotionally and gain a better perspective on the breakup.
What do you think about radio silence after a breakup? Do you feel tempted to try it? Let us know in the comments below.
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