Defying with Dignity: A Roadmap to Self-Advocacy
Dr. Sah’s new book outlines her five-step framework for defiance, and friends, it’s brilliant. Here’s the gist:
1. Feel the Tension – Listen to that gut feeling that tells you something’s off.
2. Acknowledge It – Consciously recognize your discomfort rather than brushing it off.
3. Express It – Start small. You don’t have to be confrontational; just saying, “I’m not comfortable with this” is a huge step.
4. Stick With It – Be ready to repeat yourself if necessary. This isn’t about fighting; it’s about holding your ground.
5. Act on Your Decision – Follow through with what feels right for you, whether it’s politely declining or seeking out another option.
This isn’t about throwing down a bold, defiant “NO!” in every situation. It’s about practicing and strengthening your self-advocacy muscles in a way that feels natural for you. Think of it as a skill you can build over time, like any other. Practicing will lead to feelings of self-empowerment and increased confidence which will make saying “no” easier.
Practical Ways to Build Your “No” Muscle
Dr. Sah encourages us to practice standing up for ourselves in low-stakes situations to make it easier when bigger moments come along. Start small, like sending back an incorrect coffee order or declining an invitation you’re just not up for. Little wins build confidence and make it easier to advocate for yourself when it counts.
Ready to Grow?
Having low self esteem can make it hard to stand up for yourself. Is this true for you? Find out by taking my free Self Esteem Quiz! You’ll find out where your self esteem thrives and discover new areas for growth. Take it here.
And if you’re feeling like it’s time for more support, book a free consultation with me or one of our therapists. Whether it’s for relationship coaching, therapy, or career counseling, we’re here to help you find your voice.
Oh, and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and YouTube for upcoming live sessions where I’ll dive even deeper into these topics. Join the conversation, ask questions, and let’s work on this together!
Xoxo
Dr Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: Do you know someone who’s always putting themselves last? Share this article with them. We all know someone who could use a little extra encouragement to say “no” and stand up for what they believe in!
Resources
Yalçın, B., Baykal, Ü., & Türkmen, E. (2022). Why do nurses choose to stay silent?: A qualitative study. International Journal of Nursing Practice, 28(1), e13010. https://doi.org/10.1111/ijn.13010
Murphy, A. (2001). The flight attendant dilemma: An analysis of communication and sensemaking during in-flight emergencies. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 29(1), 30-53. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00909880128100
Reik, T. (1968). The psychological meaning of silence. Psychoanalytic review, 55(2), 172. https://search.proquest.com/openview/fdbc85a4f2e0f95fdfc60eec7111d1d1/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=1820904
