3. They Have an Avoidant Attachment Style
People with avoidant attachment styles in relationships tend to struggle with deep emotional connection. They crave independence and often detach as a self-protection mechanism. So when a relationship ends, instead of grieving, they just move on to someone new—someone who hasn’t yet triggered their attachment fears.
Does this mean they never cared? Not necessarily. But it does mean that their way of dealing with relationships is fundamentally different from yours. And no, their new relationship is not a sign that they’ve “found someone better.” They are just repeating old patterns with a new person.
What this means for you: You’re not being “left behind” because you’re unworthy—you’re just healing properly. Their avoidant attachment style is their issue, not yours.
Why Your Path—Even If It’s Slower—Is the Healthier One
I know it feels unfair. I know you wish you could skip the hard parts. But the deep, meaningful healing work you are doing right now? That is what will allow you to truly move forward—stronger, wiser, and ready for a real, healthy love in the future.
Because here’s the truth: the people who do the work of heartbreak recovery thoroughly—rather than just jumping into the next thing—are the ones who go on to have the best relationships later.
Your ex? They might be repeating the same toxic patterns. You? You’re on a personal growth journey. And that’s worth everything.
Next Steps: Your Breakup Recovery Plan
If you’re wondering where do I even start?, take a deep breath. I know this is a lot, and I know how much it hurts. And I’m here to help! The first step is understanding where you are in the healing process. That’s why I created a free Breakup Recovery Quiz—to help you see exactly what stage of healing you’re in and what steps you need to take next. You deserve clarity, and you deserve to heal in the right way.
If you’re feeling stuck and need someone to talk to, I’d love to help. Our team at Growing Self offers free consultation calls for breakup recovery coaching and therapy. You don’t have to carry this all on your own—sometimes, just talking to someone who gets it can be a game changer.
And hey, I’d love to stay connected with you. If this article spoke to you, come hang out with me on Instagram and YouTube, where I share even more breakup recovery tips and expert advice. You’re not alone in this, and I promise—it will get better.
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. Know someone who needs to hear this? Send them this article. Sometimes, the best gift we can give a friend is a little insight and validation. 💜
Resources:
Feldner, M. T., Zvolensky, M. J., Eifert, G. H., & Spira, A. P. (2003). Emotional avoidance: An experimental test of individual differences and response suppression using biological challenge. Behaviour research and therapy, 41(4), 403-411. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005796702000207
Li, T., & Chan, D. K. S. (2012). How anxious and avoidant attachment affect romantic relationship quality differently: A meta‐analytic review. European journal of social psychology, 42(4), 406-419. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.1842
Marshall, T. C., Bejanyan, K., & Ferenczi, N. (2013). Attachment styles and personal growth following romantic breakups: The mediating roles of distress, rumination, and tendency to rebound. PloS one, 8(9), e75161. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0075161
Shahar, B. H., Kalman-Halevi, M., & Roth, G. (2019). Emotion regulation and intimacy quality: The consequences of emotional integration, emotional distancing, and suppression. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(11-12), 3343-3361. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407518816881
