You find your voice filling the airwaves a little too much. The person on the other side of the dialogue’s answers get shorter and shorter and shorter. They nod, maybe even take out their phone and tune you out with whatever the happenings are on the screen.
Your muscles in your neck begin to tighten, but you betray them.
You ask another question. And then another. You can’t stand the void that may arise when the silence comes, because you’ll have to ask questions of yourself, internally, without the others’ prying eyes.
The other person seems rather unbothered, almost nonexistent in what was supposed to be a joint experience.
You notice, and they notice that you notice.
Why do you carry on the conversation?
Over text.
In person.
Over the phone.
Over dinner.
In each and every instance, you take on the burden of carrying both sides.
Is it really because you like to “yap”? Or is it something deeper?
Are you afraid that when the silence finally consumes the air, and its stench reeks all over, the person, your person, will pull out of the engagement? You know that they may not be as into you as you hope, so you continue being the interviewer.
But not just in that regard.
Maybe you also handle the bulk of responsibilities as well as the emotional labour. All in an attempt to stop them from leaving, you’re trying to give them another reason to keep you company. But they don’t bring their presence.
The sad truth of it all is that maybe that means nothing. Maybe they still will decide that you’re not worth their time.
Maybe they’ll leave. And this attempt to salvage the scraps of a union was futile. And loneliness at the end was inevitable.
Why do you carry on the conversation?
Because you don’t like loneliness, it’s like oil and your water. However, to reach the other side of total unadulterated bliss and comfort in the love of another, you have to accept that love is a two-way affair. And maybe, just maybe, if you accept it, this current arrangement cannot suffice. It is a bridge with no hope of standing for long, and an impediment to the love that is out there for you.
It may be with this person, or it may be with another. If you want to know the answer, stop talking!
Or better yet, ask this question:
“I’ve been talking your ear off practically. What do you want to talk about?”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com M on Unsplash
The post ‘Why Do You Carry the Conversation?’ appeared first on The Good Men Project.
