Maybe you got a late night phone call… You just hung up, and now you want to know: Why He Says He Wants To Take A Break?
It can come out of the blue… or it might be something you’re expecting – and dreading. He tells you, and you go into an immediate panic…
It’s especially frightful when you don’t see it coming.
So – Why does a man say, “I want to take a break?”
What is it about your relationship that is so frightening to him…?
Is this the end…?
It feels almost as scary as a full-on breakup. And sometimes, that’s the next thing coming down the road after he asks for a break.
Let’s take a deep look at this, as I explain the three reasons guys tell you they want to take a break from your relationship…
“I need Some Space” – Why? REASON #1: He’s Flooded…
Women typically feel more like a woman the closer they are to the man in their life. The more time she spends with him, feeling that connection they’re building, the more she feels whole as a woman.
But this is not so with guys.
The truth about relationships that many women find painful to hear is that while men are very often completely into having a girlfriend…
– he still needs his space to feel like a man.
Men need time away from a relationship in order to feel that they are still men.
So many men find themselves torn about this tug-of-war they experience in a relationship. On one hand, we really do enjoy connecting and bonding with you. But after a while, we feel flooded from all the emotions and time we spent with you.
Flooding is the term for when we feel that our emotional capacity is overwhelmed and we need space to breathe.
Men are very easily flooded…
I wish I could tell you that this changes significantly the longer you’re together. But in reality, over time, a man simply learns to work through his feelings a bit more quickly and easily. So the time shortens up. However, he will always need time alone and away from the relationship to recharge.
The women that understand this key difference between how men and women feel in relationships are the ones that have the most solid, enduring connection to their man. She will recognize when he’s feeling antsy and stressed, and give him his space.
Flooding feels like crashing waves coming down on him…
In fact, if you really want to create an unbreakable bond with your man – try to be the FIRST one to suggest some time apart.
Yes, you heard me.
YOU ask for the time away from him FIRST.
The fact of the matter is that there is always someone in the relationship who is more INTO the relationship than the other. There’s always a slight imbalance in the desire to jump right in and create an intimate relationship.
And yes, usually it’s the guy.
FACT: When it’s HIM feeling this need for space, he’s going to find a way to pull away in order to catch a breather. It’s just like a rest during an athletic event, where he has to catch his breath.
If you understand this fact, and don’t panic or try to hold on too tight, you’ll do just fine.
- You’ll go out with your girlfriends and chill, instead of sending him manic texts at 3:00 AM…
- You’ll push him away to do his thing while you do your thing… and he’ll be calling you back up much quicker than the last time…
It almost always works – if you have the self-control to do it right.
Oh, and there’s also a very real possibility that he’s just busy and needs some time to catch up. Men use peace and quiet and aloneness to recharge. It’s the way we’re built.
Men think linearly, not parallel multi-tasking.
So a relationship can feel like a burden when he’s trying to get caught up, or he just wants to get some things done in his life.
“Let’s Take A Break” – Why? REASON #2: He’s Trying To Break Up Nicely…
There is the very real possibility that he tells you he wants to take a break because he’s actually wanting out of the relationship. Some guys just don’t have the directness to just say they want to break up.
Let’s be real – it’s an easy out. If I say “break” I might just be hinting at “break up.”
I’ve had a few girlfriends who used this one on me without me realizing it, too. It’s not uncommon for both sexes to use this as an excuse.
Sometimes it’s used as a way to go have sex with another person. Hey when you’re on a “break” you’re not actually tied to the relationship (this is what he is thinking, by the way, so be aware.) So if he bangs some other girl on your break, technically it’s not cheating.
It’s his way of sneaking in a “hall pass” for some novelty sex with another woman.
However, it’s a lot less frequent than you might think.
More than a wandering eye? Maybe so.
Either way, he’s looking for something outside of the one-on-one devotion you might have in your relationship. Which means you should probably also take a good look at how into him you are versus how into you he is.
If there’s a disparity in your feelings of desire, the difference between your feelings is what you need to address first.
Take a good long look at your feelings vs. his and figure out what’s going on. If you sense he’s actually looking for a way out, your best option is to –
BREAK UP WITH HIM FIRST!
Oh, I know that’s left you startled…
I’ve coached women on this in the past, and I know this is the hardest thing to actually do. Primarily because at this point in the relationship, a woman is already in a panic state at the thought of losing him.
Beat him to it…
BUT – if you can do it, it’s probably the only way to salvage your relationship.
- If you’re clinging, he’ll feel that’s all the more reason he shouldn’t be with you and will just disappear and ignore you…
- If he’s going to feel attraction for you again, it’s got to be because he’s suddenly thrown into doubt about how much he controls you. If you dump him first, it will send his system reeling into Reality Check…
- If you want to salvage your self-esteem, you have to end it first. It’s the only way you feel the control over your situation. And you’ll feel incredibly empowered to be the one making the decision for you, instead of him doing it…
- If you’re worried about making a mistake here, don’t worry. If he really was interested, he’ll fight to keep you. If he doesn’t, you didn’t want him anyway. Think about it.
If you think he’s going to break up with you, do it first. It’s always the best move.
“Lets See Other People” – Why? REASON #3: He’s Re-Evaluating Your Relationship…
There’s a place a guy gets to where he knows he has to decide if this relationship is something he wants. When he gets to this place, he will not be making that decision with you, sorry to say.
Women might think in terms of talking things out with a guy. But men need to make this decision on their own.
He might be trying to figure out where things are going for him…
He might be thinking about proposing, and he wants to make sure it’s the right decision…
You might even think you can have a say in this process. You might want to have your day in court. To testify and tell him about all the stuff you want him to recognize about your relationship. To make sure he doesn’t walk away without recognizing your worth…
But don’t do it. That’s a sure fire way to fail.
Give him the time to sort things out.
And there’s a good chance this is a small test at the same time. He’s going to watch how you behave while he takes his “break” from the relationship.
- If you freak out… you fail…
- If you get weird… you might fail…
- If you don’t respect the space… you WILL fail…
There are a thousand ways to fail this particular test without even knowing it.
But there are also a few ways you can turn this situation to your advantage.
- IF you know what to say to him, you can get him to feel that magnificent thrill of obsession…
- IF you know what words men respond to, you can make sure he doesn’t walk away from all you have to offer him…
- IF you know how to flip his Obsession Switch, you can have almost any man desiring you…
Make him see what he’s missing…
Make him want you…
Go here and discover his language of love…
Click here to learn what to do when someone’s not ready for a relationship.
