You Can’t Heal While You’re Still Chasing Them: The Hidden Cost of Emotional Pursuit

You’re journaling. You’re meditating. You’re reading all the right books. You’re doing the healing work.

But you’re still checking their stories. Still wondering why they haven’t texted. Still secretly hoping they’ll come back.

Here’s the truth: you can’t fully heal while you’re still emotionally chasing someone who isn’t choosing you.

Healing and chasing operate in opposite directions. One moves you back to yourself. The other pulls you deeper into abandonment.

Let’s talk about why we chase, what it’s costing you, and how to shift into real healing — the kind that doesn’t depend on who stays or who finally sees your worth.

Section 1: What Emotional Chasing Looks Like (Even If You’re Not Texting Them)

You might think you’re detached because you’re not reaching out. But chasing doesn’t always look like action. It looks like:

Obsessing over what they’re thinking
Replaying the last conversation on a loop
Stalking their social media
Interpreting silence as something you need to fix
Fantasizing about a future so you don’t feel the pain of the present

This isn’t healing. It’s emotional outsourcing.

You’re still using them as the metric for your peace.

Section 2: Why We Chase People Who Don’t Choose Us

Because it feels familiar. Because we were wired to equate inconsistency with love. Because proving our worth to the emotionally unavailable feels like redemption.

When you grew up feeling unseen, love becomes a performance. And the chase becomes a script your nervous system knows by heart.

You’re not crazy — you’re conditioned. But now? You’re allowed to outgrow the pain that shaped you.

Section 3: The Illusion of Closure

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is: I just need closure.

But closure doesn’t come from the person who hurt you. It comes from you:

Acknowledging what you wanted but didn’t get
Accepting that their behavior was the answer
Releasing the fantasy in favor of the truth

You don’t need their validation to close the loop. You need your own honesty.

Section 4: The Cost of Staying in Pursuit Mode

While you’re busy:

Analyzing their every move
Holding onto hope
Adjusting your energy to stay attractive to them

You’re not:

Healing your attachment wounds
Building safety inside your own body
Noticing who’s actually available and aligned

Chasing isn’t just exhausting. It’s expensive. It costs you you.

Section 5: The Shift — From Chasing to Choosing Yourself

Here’s how to reclaim your power:

Name the pattern. Call it what it is — not a soul connection, but an emotional addiction.
Feel what you’ve been avoiding. Under the fantasy is grief. Let it move through you.
Interrupt the obsession loop. Unfollow. Mute. Replace rumination with regulation (breathwork, movement, journaling).
Re-anchor in your worth. Who are you outside of being desired?
Choose a new direction. Every time you want to reach for them, reach for yourself instead.

Section 6: What Healing Actually Feels Like

It’s not instant. It’s not always pretty. And it definitely doesn’t come with a dopamine high.

But real healing feels like: