5 Signs You’re an Option, Not a Priority

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One of the hardest things is when you have a romantic connection with someone, but it doesn’t move forward. They’re not rejecting you or ignoring you, but they’re not choosing you either. This in-between space can be confusing. The worst part? It’s not always easy to identify that you’re an option.

Sometimes, you’re not neglected. Sometimes, it feels like you’re receiving attention… but when you think about it closely, you realize that it’s just enough attention to keep you around. It’s just enough to string you along and give you hope. But you deserve more than the bare minimum.

Here are five signs you’re an option, not a priority.

1. They Rarely Commit to Plans With You

When you’re an option, the other person rarely makes plans in advance. They make tentative plans and fit you in. Sometimes that looks like:

“Let’s do dinner on Friday if I’m not busy.”
“I’ll let you know on Friday if I’m free.”
You: “Want to get dinner Friday night?” Their response: “We’ll see.”

The reason is simple. You’re not a priority. They’re keeping their options open. If something better comes along, they’ll cancel or reschedule. They might even disappear, only to resurface again when they have nothing going on.

You deserve someone who makes plans with you in advance and follows through.

2. They Don’t Make a Relationship Commitment

Someone who sees you as an option checks in and responds. They even show up for you. But only sometimes.

On the surface, it looks like an effort, but the relationship never actually goes anywhere. You stay stuck in the same place. Any time the topic of taking it a step further comes up, they either dodge it or come up with an excuse for why they can’t commit.

Whether it’s consistent or inconsistent attention, the problem is that it keeps you attached to the situationship. But they’re free to do whatever they want — with whoever they want, even if it’s not you.

3. They Keep You Excluded From Everyone Else They Know

Most of the time you spend together is in private. They deliberately avoid introducing you to their friends or family. It feels like you’re a part of their free time, but not a part of their real world.

This is because they have no plans to actually commit to you. They’re not going to introduce you when they’re waiting to meet someone else.

4. They Don’t Involve You In Important Decisions

Someone who makes you a priority will always include you in their big life decisions. Not only will they tell you about the big moves they’re making when it comes to things like their career or living situation, but they will often ask for your input.

But when someone sees you as an option, they don’t make you a part of decisions affecting their future. Even worse, you’re usually the last one to find out. You might convince yourself that they were just too busy to share with you, but people make time for the things that matter to them.

5. They Don’t Take Your Needs Into Consideration

You’ve let the person you’re in a situationship know exactly what you want: effort, consistency, and commitment. They’ve listened to your requests, and they may have even told you that they’ll follow through with some of it.

But then, nothing actually changes.

When someone makes you a priority, they actually try to ensure that your needs are met. But when you’re just an option, they try to keep you hanging onto the bare minimum.

The Hard Truth

When you’re an option and not a priority, you often know it deep down. It can cut like a knife, but it’s important to be honest with yourself.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be more than someone’s bare minimum. You deserve someone who puts you first. You deserve someone who prioritizes you in the same way that you prioritize them.

If you feel like you’re always giving more than you get, it might be time to step back and reevaluate the situation. You deserve commitment. You deserve someone who prioritizes your needs. You deserve someone who genuinely wants to be with you. You shouldn’t settle for anything less.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.