54 Signs, Causes, Things Men Do & Secrets to Feel Secure

Insecure women need a little more attention than others. But what makes women insecure in the first place and do you think you might be one?

In life, it’s common to feel insecure about something. We all have something we’re not so confident about. But, when you allow your insecurities to take over, you run the risk of limiting your potential and your happiness. There are many insecure women, and people, out there, but if that’s you, it’s time to understand that you have the power to turn it all around.

Before we even touch upon how insecurities damage relationships, you need to realize how damaging it is for yourself.

Many people who encounter insecure women have a tendency to label them as crazy or insane—which isn’t the case. They’re simply battling insecurities every single day of their lives. It’s exhausting and it can drastically affect their quality of life. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship – 34 signs and secrets to feel secure and love better]

What does it mean to be insecure?

There are different levels of insecurity. You can be insecure about just one thing.

For instance, many insecure women feel that way because of how they look, perhaps their weight or their hair. But, someone else might be insecure about a trait, such as an inability to do something—drive or swim, maybe.

There’s no point in trying to tell a person that their insecurity is unfounded. It’s personal to them and if they’re going to overcome it, they will need to work on themselves and unpick it over time. [Read: Self-concept – How we create and develop it to control our happiness]

Insecurities are a natural part of life but that doesn’t make them something you have to live with. You’ll struggle to find a person who has zero insecurities in life. Some people have them, they disappear for a while, and then later on they come back.

What you need to do, if you’re one of the many insecure women out there, is identify your triggers and work on reducing them. Then, you can move forward and free yourself from your self-imposed limitations. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs and 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]

Types of insecurity

Of course, insecurity isn’t always just about one thing, sometimes it can be totally generalized. The signs of insecurity in women vary, but there are four main types of insecurity to know about.

Which of these pushes your buttons the most?

1. Insecurity in relationships

This is probably the most common. If a woman has been hurt before, perhaps cheated on, she may find that she becomes quite insecure about love from that point on.

2. Social insecurity

This is about how you feel in social situations. An insecure woman may be fine when it’s one on one, but if she’s in a group, she may become very jittery and quite insecure about her ability to hold a conversation. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to genuinely connect with others]

3. Body image insecurity

This is another common one. It may be that you’re really insecure about your body and when it comes to going to the beach or the pool, you find the situation extremely difficult to handle.

4. Job insecurity

This is all about Imposter Syndrome. You might feel insecure because you don’t quite believe you’re deserving of the job you have. Of course, you do deserve it, but the insecurity in your mind is telling you otherwise. [Read: Love or career – How to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]

How insecurity affects mental health

Over time, insecurity can drastically erode away at a person’s mental health and can lead to depression and anxiety. It’s not a fun way to live, especially when it occurs over the long term.

If you’re someone who notices yourself in this feature so far, it’s important to know that insecurity may be ruining your life and health in ways you might not even be aware of. For that reason, it’s even more important to know the signs so you can identify whether you need to do some self-improvement work. [Read: Why we need to breakdown the stigma of mental illness]

Telltale signs of an insecure woman

Let’s take a look at the general signs of insecurity in women. See how many you can nod along to, or perhaps how many you can recognize in someone you know.

1. Fishing for compliments

An insecure woman will usually fish for compliments to make themselves feel better. When someone compliments them, it gives them a little boost of confidence. [Read: Attention seeker – 17 signs you’re one even if you can’t see it]

2. Negative assumptions

An insecure person in general is quite negative because they’re always worrying about the ‘what if’ and thinking that the world is a darker place than it really is. That leads them to make negative assumptions rather than thinking the glass is half full. [Read: Negative thinking – 32 signs and ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]

3. Keeping a short leash on their partner

Regardless of what makes a woman insecure, it’s likely that they will try to keep a short leash on their partner because they’re terrified someone else is going to swoop in and steal them. They have very little confidence in themselves and always worry that their partner will leave.

4. Always trying to prove themselves

Insecure women think very little of themselves deep down and, as such, they try to prove themselves on a regular basis. Of course, in reality, they don’t need to prove a thing.

5. Lying to make themselves look good

This is one of the signs of insecurity in women that gets little press. It’s not that they want to lie, but they do so because it makes them look better than they assume they are. [Read: Why do people lie in relationships? The reasons why we fib]

6. Making others look bad

Another negative habit of insecure women is that they may drag others down to make themselves look good. For instance, a woman might gossip behind another woman’s back to make people talk about her. As such, she looks good for being the one with the information.

7. Putting themselves down

Of course, everyone puts themselves down occasionally. It’s not harmful unless it’s regular. However, in this case, insecure women put themselves down with the sole intention of someone picking them up again with a denial of their original statement.

8. Deliberate social media posting

One of the common signs of insecurity in women is deliberate posting on social media. Regular selfies, ambiguous posts that grab attention and attract questions, and inflated truths are all common strategies. [Read: The happy couple’s guide to social media etiquette]

9. They stop doing something if a person criticizes it

If an insecure woman enjoys a particular pastime, she’s likely to stop doing it if someone criticizes it openly. She doesn’t want anyone to think badly of her and always looks for approval from others.

10. Silent comparisons

Insecure women often compare themselves to others on a very regular basis but do so silently. There is a constant stream of negative self-talk going on, which never ends in them looking good.

11. A need for constant reassurance

Another sign of insecurity in women is a need for constant reassurance. They don’t trust themselves enough to listen to their own inner voice and prefer to hear it from other people. [Read: Overcoming self-doubt – 26 signs and best ways to stop doubting yourself]

12. A need to beat others

An insecure woman will try to beat others to the punch so they look better than everyone else. This can be anything, from wearing the latest fashion before anyone else or trying to get to the punchline of a joke.

13. Regular complaints

One of the lesser-known signs of insecurity in women is a constant need to complain. They assume this shows them in a positive light because it shows how high their standards are. What they don’t realize is that it just makes them look very negative.

14. Pushing people away

Regardless of what makes a woman insecure, she’s likely to push other people away from her as a defense mechanism. She assumes that everyone is going to hurt her in the end, so she doesn’t let anyone get too close. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

15. Anger and defensiveness

Another sign of insecurity in women is bouts of anger and defensiveness. At these times, they’re sick of trying to prove and explain themselves and it bursts out of them in negative ways.

16. Over-reliance on sexuality

Insecure women often try to mask their perceived shortcomings by relying on their sexuality. They assume that nobody will judge them or care about anything else because sexuality is stronger.

17. Grudges

An insecure woman is often a champion grudge holder. It’s not that they don’t want to forgive and move on, but they find it difficult to do so when they’re dragged down by insecurities. [Read: How to forgive and forget – 24 thoughts to decide on the right step]

18. Excessive weight checks

This links to body insecurity. A woman who is quite insecure about her body will often check her weight almost obsessively, as that is how she measures her worth.

19. Materialistic

While most people these days have a little materialism inside of them, insecure women tend to be quite materialistic because that is a way to prove that they’re worthy of something. In reality, it proves nothing, but they think if they have the latest looks/gadgets, people will judge them positively. [Read: Tips on how to be a less materialistic person]

20. Constantly one-upping others

Another sign of insecurity in women is a constant need to one-up other people. If a person has been on vacation to Italy, an insecure woman will say she’s toured the whole country by train. Perhaps a friend speaks about their new hair extensions; an insecure woman will say she tried those extensions before and they were no good.

Can you see the pattern? [Read: Negative Nancy – What makes one, 18 traits, and ways to deal with their attitude]

What causes insecurity in a woman?

Now you know the signs of insecurity in women, what causes it to happen in the first place?

Well, it varies from person to person. Insecurity can happen for so many reasons, but the main issues tend to be:

1. Beauty standards

2. Heartbreak from previous relationships [Read: 36 healing steps to get over heartbreak and deal with the pain of fixing it]

3. A misstep or failure

4. Toxic parenting

The reasons why a woman can be insecure can be one of these things or maybe a mixture of all of them. It’s a personal deal, but understanding the signs of insecurity of women and the causes can help you understand them better, or perhaps understand yourself better. [Read: How to hone and increase your positive emotions in a negative world]

How to work on your insecurities

The signs of insecurity in women are pretty extensive. If you have identified several that you show on a regular basis, it’s a good idea to start working on yourself to side-step any problems.

It’s simple to say that if you want to have a meaningful relationship, overcome your insecurities. However, it won’t be easy.

So, if you’re an insecure woman, let’s look at some ways you can start to work on your insecurities and free yourself. [Read: 25 common male insecurities men have that women have no idea about]

1. Go way back in time

Your insecurities didn’t all of a sudden pop up. So, to tick your insecurities, start going back into your memory—way back.

Usually, our insecurities develop over a period of time. Maybe it has something to do with your parents or your first big love.

What is important is for you to spend some time thinking about when this insecurity of yours really started. When you can start to understand its origins, you’ll have information on how to begin solving it. [Read: How to stop ruminating – 18 ways to leave your past and be present]

2. Acknowledge your insecure behavior

Own up to it. You’re insecure. Say it out loud—”I am insecure.” It’s not always a bad thing, you know. Everyone is insecure.

Now that you acknowledge it, you can start to figure out what happened and how you’ll change that insecurity into something positive. It’s time to unchain yourself from your negative thoughts. [Read: Positive self-talk – what it is, where it comes from, and how to master it]

3. Do things on your own

You need to be your own person. We know couples yoga is all cute and whatever, but you need to do activities on your own or with your friends.

Suffocating your partner by always being around them isn’t going to help you bond or bring you closer. See how we used the word “suffocating”? Exactly. Don’t choke them.

4. More importantly—do things you like

We told you to do things on your own, but understand that you shouldn’t be doing it just because someone told you to. Genuinely choose activities that interest you and that you want to invest your time in.

Enjoy the time you spend apart—it’s your time! Don’t worry about feeling lonely, that’s not what time alone is about. It’s about investing in yourself and knowing that by nurturing your own happiness, it will manifest naturally. [Read: How to take care of yourself as a woman – 19 ways to power yourself]

5. You’re so vain

Listen, it’s not all about you. Really, it’s not. If your partner wants to stay home and watch a movie, this doesn’t mean they’re cheating on you. If your partner doesn’t want to go out with your friends, they’re not planning on breaking up with you.

People have many reasons why they do or do not do things. Did you ever think that maybe they’re tired? Not feeling well? Had a bad day at work?

Don’t take everything so personally and understand that people have their own reasons and motivations for doing or not doing things. [Read: Why am I so sensitive – how to stop being sensitive and grow a thick skin]

6. Those negative thoughts? Ditch them

We all have negative thoughts, this is completely normal. Though, do you constantly wonder why this person wants to be with you, if they’re cheating on you, or if you’re even good enough for them?

See, these negative thoughts stem from your insecurities. So, when you doubt yourself, cut that thought and say to yourself that you are worth it.

No more insecure woman thoughts that do nothing but limit you and cause you mental anguish. [Read: Self-loathing – what it is, 25 signs, and how to stop hurting yourself]

7. Leave your past relationships in the past

You may have been cheated on and we know, it’s a horrible feeling when someone betrays you. However, who says your new partner is anything like your last one?

The problem starts when you bring your old baggage into the new relationship. You haven’t even given them a chance.

In reality, you set them up to fail. Instead, take a leap of faith and avoid judging your partner by the same low standards that your ex set. You wouldn’t like it if a partner started judging you based on their ex, would you? So, don’t do the same to your partner. Give them a chance!

[Read: 18 emotions you should never feel in a healthy relationship]

8. You need to talk

You need to talk to your partner. Trust us, they probably already know you’re insecure, so, it won’t come as a shock to them. But you need to talk to them about your insecurities.

How else will they be able to help you overcome them if you’re not open about it? Talk. We know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s the only way you two will be on the same page. [Read: 25 ways to emotionally connect with someone and instantly feel closer]

9. Don’t be dependent on your partner

This is a huge problem that really breeds extra insecurity. Of course, you want someone to kiss, cuddle, hug, and love. However, if you depend on your partner to provide you with all the positive feelings you need in life, well, you’re going to be disappointed.

Can they give you love? Yes. But, and we know you’ve heard this before, you need to love yourself first. That way, their love for you is the cherry on top of the cake. [Read: 39 ways to stop being codependent and relying on others to make you happy]

10. Be self-aware

It’s really important that you become self-aware about your mental and emotional state. Maybe you see your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex and all of a sudden, you feel your body temperature rising and your hands sweat.

This isn’t because you’re happy, this is your body reacting to jealousy.

Practice becoming aware of how your body reacts to negative thoughts and feelings. Once you’re aware of them, you can do something about them. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real you inside]

11. Focus on your breathing

When you see yourself becoming jealous or angry, do one thing—breathe. The best part of becoming self-aware is when you notice your body’s reaction before the negative thoughts appear. You’ll be able to catch yourself before it happens and control your mind and emotions through breathing.

We know it sounds a little hippie but it really works. Your breath is the one constant thing you have in life and if you need to ground yourself, it will always be there to help you. [Read: Mantras to live by – 21 positive mantras that will transform your life]

12. Trust your partner

If you don’t trust your partner, your relationship will not work. It’s as simple as that. We really cannot sugarcoat this for you. Without trust, you have nothing. This is why it’s so important to work on your self-esteem and insecurities because if you constantly doubt them, how can your relationship function in a healthy manner?

You need to give them your trust and don’t constantly doubt them for no solid reason. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]

13. Do not confuse reality with imagination

In some cases, you’ll be right. Your partner may actually be doing something behind your back but this is because it’s reality. It’s not something you develop in your imagination because they didn’t text you in the last fifteen minutes.

Do not mix up reality with your imagination. All it does is take you down an endless road where you snoop in their email and check their call log history. Don’t do it. Stick with logic and facts and don’t overthink small things which have no basis in the here and now.

[Read: How to stop overthinking – secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]

14. Don’t think of the perfect relationship

We hear this a lot with women and men—they say, it’s not 100%. What does that even mean? What is a 100% relationship?

Every relationship is different because the people involved are different. If you’re looking for the relationship you have created in your mind, understand that doesn’t exist.

This fuels insecurity because you’re constantly looking for flaws. Instead, learn to appreciate the relationship you have and enjoy it. [Read: 32 secrets to be present and live in the moment when life is speeding past you]

15. Know it takes time to change

Your insecurities aren’t going to vanish overnight. Consistently give yourself positive praise and process your insecurities. So, if you really want to do this, know that this is a long-term process.

However, while you work through your insecurities, you’ll notice how different your relationships with your partner, family, and friends will be.

16. Be around the people you love

Spending time around your loved ones will boost your confidence and make you feel great. You know these people love you unconditionally, so you don’t need to prove yourself.

Being around people like that will lift you up and stop you from worrying about what others think. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting relationships]

17. Treat yourself every now and then

Don’t assume you need to treat yourself all the time, but make it a point to treat yourself every so often to make yourself feel good. Go to the spa, do your favorite sport, or have a full day of self-care.

Everyone needs to turn their attention inward and focus on themselves every so often, and you’re no different. [Read: Love yourself first – where people go wrong, 36 whys, and how to do this right]

18. Confront your personal issues

Spend some time thinking about the reasons why you feel the way you do. You know the common signs of insecurity in women, so list the signs that you regularly exhibit. Then, consider what causes it.

When you know the root of your problem, you can step firm signs to overcome it. [Read: How to be fearless – 18 ways to set aside fear and live like a champion]

19. Stop overanalyzing

Seriously, stop with the overthinking already! It will drive you crazy and you’ll spend all your time obsessing over the ‘what if.’ Keep yourself busy and when you start to overthink, push those thoughts away and focus on something fun instead.

20. Get the help you need

In the end, if you know you’re insecure and you’ve tried many tricks to help overcome it, you may need some extra help. If this is the case, there’s no shame in it!

Reaching out for help is one of the strongest things you can do and it will give you the best chance at a fantastic and free life. [Read: Fear of rejection – 56 signs, causes, and ways to overcome it]

The things men do that make women feel insecure

Now, while we don’t want to push the blame onto someone else, it is entirely possible that you’re in a relationship that is making your insecurities rise to the fore.

Do you recognize any of these behaviors from your partner? If so, that could be a strong reason why you’re feeling insecure.

1. Wandering eyes

We’ve all heard the saying, “eyes are the window to the soul.” Well, that’s a fact. Most women are very particular with eye contact.

When someone looks at you when they’re talking, it makes you feel respected and interesting. However, when your guy avoids eye contact, the opposite is true. [Read: What does eye contact mean to a guy? Is he a subtle flirt?]

2. Taking forever to reply

You’re not asking them to reply a minute after you send a text message! However, your partner should value you by checking their phone throughout the day, especially when they’re out drinking and it’s already midnight.

If they value you, they wouldn’t keep you waiting. [Read: 21 signs of a clingy girlfriend and how to avoid turning into one]

3. Hanging with his female best friend

Every girl, no matter how cool she appears to be, gets a bit jealous when her partner is with another girl. Yep, even if she’s just his best friend. That’s just human nature.

If your partner always does this, it’s no wonder you’re feeling a little on the insecure side.

4. Talking endlessly about another girl

Unless he’s talking about his mom or sister, you’ll get jealous and a bit suspicious if he keeps talking about a girl. This jealousy will get further aggravated if he’s not been giving you enough attention lately.

Sure, it’s probably innocent and there’s nothing more to it, but you’re only human. [Read: Emotional affair – what it is, 76 signs and steps, 7 infidelity stages, and what to do]

5. Not introducing you to his friends

You’re having brunch at a restaurant and suddenly, his childhood friends enter the scene. He’s so caught up with the moment that he totally forgets to introduce you as his girlfriend.

He probably means nothing by it, but it will make you feel isolated and unwanted, and you’ll likely ask yourself if you’re not special enough to be introduced to his buddies.

6. Neglecting you during parties

They invite you to their friend’s party and you’re so excited you even bought a new dress. However, when you arrive at the party, he gets so caught up in meeting everyone that it takes him a long time to realize that you have just been sitting in a corner.

Sometimes, it’s just rude behavior that makes you feel insecure. [Read: 60 perfect traits to be a good boyfriend that’ll make you better than the best!]

7. Missing the small things

If you’ve made an effort to look good and he doesn’t give a damn, it’ll be a big blow to your self-esteem. He should pay attention to his girl!

But men don’t notice those things, they say. No wonder you feel insecure.

8. Communicating with his ex

Let’s say he’s still friends with his ex and speaks to her regularly. Is it any wonder you’re insecure? Let’s not forget that he had sex with his ex many times. As a result, you start to wonder how you can beat his ex. [Read: Is your partner still in a relationship with their ex?]

9. Keeping you a secret

Does he hide you from his family? Are you his secret love? That’s fine if you’ve just been together for a few months, but if you’ve been together for more than a year, it’s no surprise that he’s making you feel insecure.

10. Keeping secrets in general

Women are very intuitive; it’s likely you can tell if he’s keeping secrets from you. If he does this too often, you’ll start to feel like he’s excluding you from his life.

Maybe it’s fine if he’s keeping secrets just to protect you, but it does nothing to breed trust either way. [Read: How to make your girlfriend feel special – 35 gestures that show love]

Everyone is a work in progress

For sure, there are many insecure women out there but there are insecure people the world over. Nobody is the finished article, and what even is that? Perfection doesn’t exist.

The most important thing is to stop comparing yourself to others. When you do that, you’ll always come up short and start beating yourself up for something you don’t have or not looking a certain way. You’re a wonderful version of you already, and if you want to tweak that and get rid of insecurities, you’ll be all the better for it.

[Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

You might assume that everyone out there is happy and enjoying themselves. But in reality, they’re worried about a million things and dealing with their own insecurities too. All you can do is focus on yourself and the rest will sort itself out.

[Read: How to be an adult – 27 mature ways to grow up and behave like one]

Insecure women are not crazy—they’re insecure. If you feel like you’re an insecure woman, spend some time overcoming your issues to enjoy a healthy relationship with yourself and your partner.