Attractive but Still Not Chosen? Here’s Why

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A few years ago I was with a couple of beautiful ladies.

We were discussing relationships and dating. I suddenly asked the youngest (and probably the most beautiful) among them, “what’s your “USP”?”

She was staring at me obviously not understanding what I meant. I told her “USP means Unique Selling Proposition”. She was still lost and I needed to explain the meaning to her.

Her response after the explanation?

She was dumbfounded and had nothing to say, so I moved on to ask the other lady the same question, she too wasn’t able to muster any words.

So this led me to understand the reason most people, both male and female, have “value” issues in their relationships. We ourselves don’t understand what our values are.

Let’s break it down.

“USP” means Unique Selling Proposition.

It’s primarily a sales and marketing terminology. Yeah…isn’t dating similar to marketing?

At least, just like you have offers in sales and marketing. We have offers in dating. Just as we have competition and alternatives in sales, we also do in dating. Sales is transactional, so is dating.

In sales, a unique selling proposition is what makes you stand out from your competitors.

It’s what tells them to pick you ahead of the others. It’s the advantage you have or what whoever picks you gains that’s not available to them if they pick another person.

Although dating isn’t a marketplace, it allows people to choose based on value. And this is a crucial part that doesn’t change just merely because feelings are involved.

In this context, in dating, a unique selling proposition means the clear reason someone needs to choose you ahead of everyone else, regardless of the numbers. It’s what makes you different, unique and distinct even when other options exist.

This doesn’t have to do with…

You being nice
Being hardworking or diligent
Being beautiful or being able to love deeply.

These aren’t a USP.

Basically, USP is the experience people gain by being with you.

How you make them feel around you. The chemistry and the emotional space you create. This is the value people get from knowing or being with you in a relationship.

The mistake most people make is they confuse efforts and superficial features for value. This makes them overdo – overchase, overgive, overcommit and even overexplain. But effort without distinction isn’t attractive.

That’s why someone who chases less, does less can get chosen over you. Just by being different or indifferent. And trying to copy someone else’s unique selling proposition makes it even worse.

Some people offer safety.
Some offer excitement.
Some offer calm.
Some offer growth.

You can’t be unique while trying to copy another person. You can’t offer everything. Trying to copy is trying to become forgettable.

The reason some people that are not very attractive aren’t getting chosen ahead of very attractive people in relationships is because of “anchor”. The attractive people are attracted to and there’s interest, but there’s no clear reason to get chosen.