Do you date like you’re placing a take-out order?
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I know that dating over 50 can be tough.
Not only can it bruise your ego but it can trigger unhealed rejection that may have happened earlier in your life.
Think of things like being picked last for kickball in grade school.
Or not being invited to a middle school boy-girl party.
Remember how it felt to be left behind?
In the dating world, it can feel this way too when it seems like everyone you know is part of a couple except for you.
Yet today, 1 in 4 over 50 marriages are ending in divorce, which means there are plenty of available men out there to date.
The problem that I’ve seen over the years is most women go online and they’re searching for a specific type of man who has to meet a list of specifications to get a date with them.
The criteria often include qualities such as . . .
- Looks
- Specified Fitness Levels
- Definitive Income Levels
- Distinct Activity Levels
- Expansive Travel Options
- Limited Height and Weight Proportions
- Explicit Job and Education Levels
- The Right Housing
- And an immediate attraction or all bets are off
I like to call this way of looking for a partner . . . “Take-Out Order Dating.”
I named it this from when I first started dating when I was reading a man’s profile who was describing his perfect mate.
He wrote, “The woman I’m looking for must be blonde, petite, slim, funny and have an executive job.”
I remember laughing and thinking this man believes he can put his order in for a woman on a dating site and she will just appear . . . much like going through the Wendy’s drive-through where you ask for a hamburger with lettuce, pickle and cheese.
Then you drive around the corner and there’s your specified hamburger for you – wrapped in foil and packaged up in a white bag.
I believe “Take-out order dating” is a huge contributor to so much of the frustration both men and women feel when they’re out there dating at this age.
Instead of being fun, dating becomes an exercise of constant frustration when you can’t find the exact person who matches your qualification list.
This leads to feeling like no one is out there to date and what happens is you end up quitting; resigning yourself to being single forever.
Dating at this time in our lives is about attracting a great partner who will be there for you, who will love and support you through the ups and downs of life.
Chemistry is great but it wanes over time and unless you have a loving, caring partner beneath the hormones, the relationship can wither and die.
Coming from traditional marriages, we often think our guy has to be it all and have it all.
Yet many of the activities you want to do can also be done with friends.
Consider instead, looking for qualities in a man like kindness, compassion and his ability to be there for you and show you his love through his actions on a consistent basis.
Sharing life, having fun and laughter, along with great communication and enjoying each other’s company can be the secret that’s been alluding you for attracting the fulfilling long term loving relationship you desire.
I want to leave you with this story from Karen that I hope inspires you to see you can find love after 50 . . .
Lisa, you helped me make my DREAM COME TRUE!
Your program made me focus on my dream. It helped me become more confident as well as get my Quality Man Template done so I could identify my guy. The support you gave me through the process of dating and being in a relationship with my guy has been so helpful. Seriously, your coaching program is a great investment. I feel like you are a Godsend to us older women!
Believing in you!
Big hugs ~
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