GroundHog Day
Call it a rut, call it a routine. The familiarity and sameness of your relationship keeps the same day repeating over and over again, just like the movie Groundhog Day. You and your partner seem to be stuck in an endless loop of waking up, going to work, taking the kids to their practice and appointments. Sex on Friday, spaghetti on Tuesday, will it never end?
It’s easy to fall into a pattern. Patterns are safe, comfortable, and familiar. They give us security, a feeling of stability and knowledge that everything in our life and relationship is solid and sure. Human brains love patterns. We see them everywhere; in nature, in traffic patterns in cities, in numbers. It’s not uncommon for us to seek out those patterns in our daily lives as well. The problems come in when the patterns get boring or frustrating, and you simply want something different. That quote “variety is the spice of life” comes to mind. Life can become bland when it’s Groundhog Day every day. This sameness may have you bickering or sniping at each other over little things, simply because you’re trying to evoke emotion and reaction out of each other. This is a negative pattern that should not be allowed to continue as it leads to resentment and anger.
If you’re familiar with the film, Bill Murray’s character is at first surprised and pushes back against the repeating scenario, then he feels sorry for himself and gets angry when nothing changes. It isn’t until he makes some small changes in the way he approaches Groundhog Day, makes some inner changes about his own perspective and attitude that he is able to break the spell and change the pattern and the outcome. It takes conscious actions on his part to affect the change needed to break the cycle.
If it seems that no matter what you do, the patterns in your relationship don’t change and simply seem to repeat over and over, don’t despair. It’s not really Groundhog Day, even though it may feel that way. There are some changes you can make to change the patterns that have you feeling stuck or disconnected from your partner.
● Talk about it with your partner
Chances are that if you’re feeling stuck or bored, that your partner is as well. Discuss and brainstorm what you each would like to see happen and set intentions towards making some changes.
● Be spontaneous
This can be an uncomfortable thought for someone who is very used to a routine. You might want to start small by changing up your routine and suggesting a date night or a spontaneous coffee date on a weekend. Go for a walk. Instead of doing the same things as you always do, break out and be a little crazy. Set up a seduction scenario when your partner doesn’t expect it. Take your partner out of the house. Do something fun for a change. You might get to enjoy it! Make some new memories and have some new experiences. It might feel awkward at first, but I’ll wager you won’t regret it.
