It is incredibly common for people going through a divorce to experience moments of uncertainty. If you are having doubts about the divorce, you’re not alone. Even those who felt confident at the start can suddenly find themselves asking, What am I doing? Should I stay? Am I making a mistake?
As a divorce attorney for fourteen years, practicing in both Illinois and Florida, I can tell you this with complete certainty: almost every client has felt that way at some point. Divorce is not just a legal process. It is emotional, overwhelming, and filled with unknowns. And the unknown can be frightening.
In this article, I want to walk you through the most common reasons people second-guess their decision and offer guidance on how to navigate those feelings with clarity and confidence.
Why Doubts Happen
When someone tells me they are having doubts, the first thing I ask is simple: Why? What exactly is causing the hesitation?
Here are the most common answers I hear:
Fear of the unknown
Leaving a marriage means stepping into unfamiliar territory. Clients tell me:
- I do not know what the future looks like.
- I am scared to be alone.
- I worry there is nothing better out there.
This fear is normal, but it is not a reason to stay in a marriage that is unhealthy or toxic.
Financial worries
This is one of the biggest drivers of doubt. People wonder:
- What will my financial future look like?
- What if I have been out of the workforce?
- What will happen with maintenance, alimony, or division of assets?
No attorney can promise a specific financial outcome, but we can walk you through realistic scenarios, clarify your options, and help you prepare.
The illusion that staying is easier
Many people reach a point where they think, It would be easier just to stay. On the surface, staying avoids paperwork, court, and attorney fees. But emotionally, remaining in a toxic marriage is often far more damaging long term.
As I often tell clients: short-term discomfort is not a good enough reason to sacrifice long-term peace.
What I Wish Every Client Knew
Life outside the marriage can be healthier and more peaceful
When someone is deep in a toxic relationship, they are like a person inside a box. Their view is limited. From my position, I can see the outside of that box. I can see the peace, the healing, and the possibility waiting for them on the other side.
Your children feel more than you think
People often say, They are young. They do not know what is going on. But they do know. Even babies can sense tension. Staying in a toxic environment for the sake of the children can actually harm them more than leaving would.
As a mother myself, I understand the instinct to put your children first. The most loving thing you can do is give them a home that feels peaceful and safe.
Sometimes the unknown is less frightening than what you already know
Many people stay because the familiar feels safe. But one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was this:
Sometimes being scared of the unknown is better than being scared of what you already know.
Staying in a situation that drains you, frightens you, or diminishes you is far scarier than walking toward a better life.
The Legal Fears That Trigger Doubt
Concerns about maintenance or alimony
People worry about:
- Whether they will have to pay
- Whether they qualify to receive it
- Whether their spouse is manipulating income
In Illinois, the duration of maintenance is based on the length of the marriage from the date of marriage to the date the petition is filed. This means timing matters. The earlier you file, the earlier that clock stops.
Division of assets
Clients often fear:
- Losing retirement funds
- Getting only half of the marital estate
- Not being able to maintain their lifestyle
These concerns are understandable, but remember: remaining married only grows the pot that ultimately gets divided. For some individuals who earn significant income or whose assets are growing rapidly, waiting can actually cost more.
Attorney fees
Let us address this honestly. Legal fees can be stressful. Seeing a large invoice is never pleasant. But the more you litigate, the higher those fees become. Settlement saves money. Litigation costs significantly more.
There are ways to manage costs:
- Avoid unnecessary battles
- Communicate effectively with your attorney
- Use settlement opportunities
- Seek support from therapists or divorce coaches for emotional decision making instead of using attorney hours
- Explore loans, credit options, or short-term financing if needed
A divorce attorney should guide your legal strategy, not serve as your emotional sounding board. This is why partnering with a therapist or divorce coach can reduce legal costs and provide clarity.
Getting Clear on Your Decision
If you are struggling with fears or doubts, ask yourself:
- Do I miss the person or do I miss the idea of the relationship?
- Am I hoping things will change even though they have not for years?
- Am I afraid of being alone or losing my identity?
- What specifically is making me hesitate?
- If I write down the reasons I wanted a divorce in the first place, do those reasons still exist?
Sometimes seeing it on paper removes the fog and brings peace to the decision.
A Personal Truth
I want to share something on a personal note. I have been divorced, and I have been single for a long time. And I can tell you with complete honesty: I do not feel alone. When the toxicity is gone, you regain time, peace, and a sense of self that you may have forgotten you had.
Life outside that box can be beautiful.
Final Thoughts
If your marriage still has love, respect, and the potential to grow, seek help. Fight for it. Marriage is wonderful when it is with the right person.
But if you have done everything, tried everything, and your heart knows it is time to leave, trust that inner voice. Life is no rehearsal. You get one shot at this.
You deserve a life filled with peace, safety, and joy.
Like this article? Check out “8 Bad Reasons to Get Divorced”
