How Being a Therapist Changes You — The Pros, Cons, and What to Expect
Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
When I first started being a therapist, I thought I understood what the work would be like. I imagined sitting with clients, holding space, and helping them navigate whatever brought them in. And yes, that is a big part of it. However, what no one told me, and what I now hear echoed again and again from colleagues, is that this profession changes you in ways you cannot fully anticipate until you are living it.
Some of these changes are beautiful. Others are challenging. In addition, some require intention and boundaries if you want to sustain yourself for the long haul. In this episode of Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists, I share my perspective on being a therapist, the pros and cons of being a therapist, how the work shapes who we are, and why it matters for your well-being, relationships, and long-term joy in the profession.
The Social Ripple Effect of Being a Therapist
Let’s start with the lighter side. Have you ever had someone at a party ask what you do for a living, and when you say, “I’m a therapist,” they instantly get a certain look in their eye? Maybe they freeze, laugh nervously, or mentally rewind every word they just said.
It is a strange shift that almost every therapist experiences. People sometimes assume we are analyzing them, reading their minds, or silently diagnosing them. We are not.
On the flip side, there is the “instant deep dive.” You mention what you do, and suddenly someone is sharing their childhood trauma with you in the Starbucks line. It is not that we do not care — we do. However, when these moments spill into everyday life, they can blur the boundaries between personal and professional.
When I was early in my career, I did not always know how to navigate these situations. At times, I found myself in one-sided friendships that felt more like unpaid therapy than mutual connection. Over time, I learned to set boundaries, a skill that is essential for anyone being a therapist for the long term.
The Compassion Shift in Being a Therapist
One of the most profound pros of being a therapist is how it changes the way you see people.
Before becoming a therapist, I sometimes saw the world in “good” and “bad.” It was easy to judge someone’s behavior without knowing the full story. In the therapy room, you hear the full story, including the formative experiences, heartbreaks, and beliefs that shaped them.
I have never sat with someone, learned their history, and not walked away thinking, Of course you make sense.
This perspective breeds compassion. It also makes you more comfortable with life’s gray areas and helps you see people in a more nuanced way. For me, this is one of the best parts of being a therapist.
The Risk Side of the Pros and Cons of Being a Therapist
While empathy is one of our greatest strengths, it also has a downside. As a result, when your energy is always focused outward, understanding others and tuning into their emotions, you can lose touch with your own.
Therapists are skilled at containing our emotions so we can be present for clients. That is necessary in session. However, outside of work, it is important to ask yourself: How am I feeling? What do I need?
Sometimes there is pressure to look calm, wise, and put-together, even with friends or family. I have had moments where I did not feel safe being vulnerable because I worried someone would say, “But aren’t you a therapist?”
This is why personal friendships with other therapists are essential. They understand without judgment. They can hold space for you when you need it, which is one of the most valuable supports for long-term wellness in this field.
