How to Heal From a Breakup: Mistakes You Shouldn’t Make

Whether you got dumped by your partner or you mutually agreed to end the relationship, you’re probably wondering how to heal from a breakup. The good news is that you can easily find lots of helpful tips from trusted relationship experts online, and you can use their advice to start letting go of the relationship.

But, while it’s handy to have a post-breakup To-Do list, you shouldn’t just focus on the steps you must take to move on. It’s also important to avoid making mistakes that can slow down the healing process.

Here are some of the mistakes that you shouldn’t make after a breakup:

Shutting down your feelings

Hiding your emotions won’t help you with healing from a breakup. If you want to move on, allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship and process the feelings it has brought about.

Start by opening up to a trusted friend or two and accepting the comfort and support they provide. If the situation is complicated and your loved ones are too involved in the breakup, working with a therapist can be a great idea.

Waiting for the ideal closure

For many people, the perfect closure involves meeting up with their ex at a lovely spot, talking about how their relationship had to end despite how beautiful it was, and taking separate paths when they walk out the door. They might even imagine themselves looking up at the sky and giving the clouds a sad but hopeful smile.

It sounds incredibly satisfying, but the fact is that not everyone will have this type of cinema-worthy closure.

Your partner might decide to give you a humiliating version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, and, if they like drama, they might meet your demands for explanation with unnecessary theatrics. They might even be immature enough to ghost you out of nowhere.

Waiting for the perfect closure will delay your healing by weeks or even months. Instead of doing this, focus on accepting the end of the relationship and healing your heart.

Drowning yourself in distractions

Search “how to heal from a breakup” on Google, and you’ll find dozens of tips stating that keeping yourself busy will help you move on. This is definitely good advice, but remember there’s a solid line between doing necessary chores and intentionally tackling numerous activities just to forget the breakup for a few hours.

This doesn’t mean that you should just give up and wallow in bed for days. Instead, continue sticking to your routine, while also setting aside some time to process your feelings.

Licensed therapist and breakup coach Dr. Radisha Brown calls these moments “cry time,” and she recommends building at least 15 minutes’ worth of them into your schedule. This way, you can grieve your relationship without your emotions spiralling out of your control, and you won’t get too overwhelmed to continue your day.

Staying in constant contact with your ex

Limiting your contact with your ex is helpful since it will give you enough time and space to process the breakup and re-learn how to focus on yourself. It also eliminates the temptation to provide your ex with emotional support, ultimately prolonging your agony.

But how long should you avoid your ex-partner?

Some people believe in the 21-day No Contact Rule, which, as the label says, encourages people to stop seeing their ex, sending them messages, and stalking their socials for at least 21 days. Licensed mental health counselor Katherine Ibis, on the other hand, recommends waiting around 1 to 3 months before resuming contact with an ex.

Since there’s no hard-and-fast guideline, it’s up to you to decide how long your no-contact period will be. Start with a one-month timeline; if it isn’t enough, feel free to extend it until you start to see signs that you’re healing and moving on.

While it’s important to know how to heal from a breakup, we also need to know what we shouldn’t do once a relationship ends. By avoiding the mistakes listed above, you can process the heartbreak in a healthy way and ultimately find the path toward a better future.